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Feeling pretty depressed and down
February 20, 2006
7:56 pm
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BegginMeg
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September 29, 2010
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I suppose that I am a lot happier than I'd be if I were back at bf and I's house. I moved in with him when I was 17 (he was 22). I am now 21. He never helped with any of the household chores. I really enjoyed be a homekeeper. I transformed his house into a home and he finally moved out of his parents and into his home after letting it sit with all of his belongings for over a year. We both were for the first time living outside of our parents homes. We learned how to live life together. Paying bills, and being totally independent really for the first time in our lives. Now I am back at mom and dads and am much happier here than at my old place. I still miss sleeping in my bed with him. Being able to communicate when he was sober and sometimes even having good times together. I know I am much better off here at my original home but I get so aggitated. I haven't worked in about 2 years because bf always ran a construction business. He supported me in every way. (unless he took his money and blew it on drugs) I've been cleaning my mothers house and helping with my grandmother (her husband of 57 years and my grandfather passed away suddenly 2 months ago without any warning) It seems to be just so depressing wherever I go and sometimes I just want to go to my bfs house but once I get there it'll probably be a whole new mess to deal with and I'd rather just shut everyone out and be alone and sad rather than be aggitated by everyone else around me. Ahhhhhh.....I am stuck in such a rut here and I'm not sure when things will get better. I have a very small patience level. I just want to flip a switch in my bfs head and make him normal so that we can have babies and get married. That's all I ever wanted. At this rate I'll never find someone to love because I hate the whole dating scene and the way most people my age act. I'm not saying that I am above them it's just that I rushed into the grown-up world so quick and I just can't make up for that lost time. I feel like I'm 35 and just want to settle down with someone and live a genuine happy life. I'm attractive, smart, outgoing, and I have so much to offer. I'm not saying I'm looking for a boyfriend right now. I just don't ever see myself getting out to even attempt meeting new people. Oh I am so fickle and bored and tired. I wish I could just fix everything that's broken in my life and my bfs so that we can be like we were when we first met. I came to a conclusion that after me leaving and letting him know that I don't care what he does and who he does it with that after a while he'll probably get sick of his life and just give up everything he's doing to make a life with me again. I figure after he has his fun and gets it all out of his system he'll be disgusted and bored with those bummy people and places and wonder, "What the hell am I doing?". "She loved me so much and would have given me everything that she could and I threw it all away for this?". Who knows maybe I'm just dellusional. I need to just focus on praying for him and his family and I believe God will take charge (he already is) and put us all in the places we need to be. Gosh golly I'm a blabber mouth tonight. I hope everyone is well and God bless all of you. Much Love, Meg

February 21, 2006
9:16 am
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butterflybaby
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Meg,

So how are you doing today? Still feeling like last night? Just wanted to check on you.

February 21, 2006
9:31 am
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kitty_kat
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Hey meg,

I'm new to this message board system, but not new to similar feelings. I too have had relationships like yours and it's hard to go home after things don't work out. I too remember feeling aggitated and like I couldn't stand my family but it does get better. I guess for me, the thing that really helped was just doing things for myself for a while. I got a part time job and enrolled in online classes through a local college. Sometimes we loose perspective, and forget that there is a great big world out there.
Anyways, I hope you feel better.

-kat

February 21, 2006
9:33 am
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kitty_kat
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Hey meg,

I'm new to this message board system, but not new to similar feelings. I too have had relationships like yours and it's hard to go home after things don't work out. I too remember feeling aggitated and like I couldn't stand my family but it does get better. I guess for me, the thing that really helped was just doing things for myself for a while. I got a part time job and enrolled in online classes through a local college. Sometimes we loose perspective, and forget that there is a great big world out there.
Anyways, I hope you feel better.

-kat

February 21, 2006
10:54 pm
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BoneT
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September 24, 2010
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hey meg you sound like a very smart young lady but let me try to help you cannot change people to who you would like them to be you took the first step by walking out the door of the past and into the future dont look back you will find what your looking for welcome to the site Bone T

February 21, 2006
11:48 pm
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free2choose
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Hiya Meg,

I agree with Kat, there is a huge wide world of possibilities out there just waiting for you to go out and grab them!! You are young (I do not mean that offensively, I know what it is like to feel way older than my age!!), you sound intellegent, driven, mature...you can do anything you want! Do you know what you want? I mean besides babies and to marry the boyfriend, do you know what YOU want, what you want to do, where you want to be in 5 years, in 10 years, tomorrow???

Getting a job of your own, looking into college classes, learning to be truly independent, on YOURSELF, by YOURSELF, is a great place to start! What do you like to do, what do you love, what could you see yourself working at as a career? Look into the possibilities, find something you love, and then GO FOR IT!

The boyfriend may come back, he may not, someone new and wonderfull may come along next week, next month, next year... But right now, you have you, and there is so much you can do with YOU!!

And the aggitation with the parents and all, I understand that. I went through the same thing when I had to move back in with my parents after being on my own for awhile, and I relised that for me, my parents put me back in that same role, the child, thier daughter...And I had changed so much, I had grown, I was no longer a child. Also, I was irritated at the situation, at haveing to go back there, I felt as if I had failed at being an adult, but the truth is, I didn't. I went out, I did the best with what I had, and I learned alot of lessons. As long as we learn, we never fail!!

Patience is hard, but right now it may be a huge lesson that you need to learn. Try just breathing through the irritation, get real clear about why you feel the way you do, is it the way they are treating you or your own feelings of being stuck, or of failiure. If it is them, tell them how you feel, if it is you, apologize and try to give them a break next time.

It WILL GET BETTER, just keep your faith, anbd keep walking one foot in front of the other. Life is about change. Just roll with it and never expect it to be the same for long.

Good luck, God bless!!

Erica
free2choose

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