Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
Feeling nervous during anger bouts
May 12, 2007
1:25 am
Avatar
tiffersisme
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I feel nervous to express my feelings when I'm angry, I feel as if my feelings of anger will be ridiculed when I try to express them to a set of people, they are a lesbian couple and I was friends with one before they got together, and the girl my friend got with has control issues and always minimizes my feelings and now here in the past couple months or so so has my friend. She has picked up all the nasty habits of her g/f and I hang around them about 75% of the time. I want to tell them that they are doing this however I dont want to give fuel for them to belittle me, and minimize my feelings. So instead of taking it to them Im taking it out on my husband and I am sick physically lately because of so. Please tell me Im not making a mountian out o a mole hill and I'm not t he only who has this same issue.

May 12, 2007
2:10 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Can you write them a letter? One that just says how you feel that your feelings are minimized, but try not to use phrases or terms that will make them defensive. This is hard, but because you are writing you will have time to express things the way you wish. You will be able to express your feelings rather than sound like you are criticizing their behavior (they may feel that anyway, it's hard not to, but there are kind ways to say things and I'm sure you can). This sounds like it's really getting to you so no matter what size this mole hill is, it's important enough to you and worth addressing. It may save your friendship. Maybe even just writing a letter will help you if you want to say it to them verbally. Or, you can even be really honest and say "I didn't know how to say what I've been feeling, so I wrote it in a letter. It's hard for me to talk about somethings but I really care about our friendship." Since you are not saying it in anger, maybe they won't mock you. They are mocking you as self defense. It is immature, and somewhat abusive behavior- maybe you don't need them as friends? But if you can't avoid them, it might be worth seeking the peace.

I have anger problems so this thread caught my eye. If due to circumstances or something, I can't express myself to someone directly to vent anger, it is difficult for me to handle it. It's hard, but learning to transcend little instances of it has been empowering at times. I'm still not very good at it. But the cliche "to kill 'em with kindness" seems to work miracles. It just takes tons of practice. I'm a newbie on that front.

Wish you well.
-ella

May 12, 2007
3:23 am
Avatar
tiffersisme
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I didnt think about this, writing a letter? hmm, possibly a good idea and worth a long shot on the anger side of the issue. However it is getting to the point that i could really care less if the friendship continues. I was a CLOSE friend to "Crystal" before she met "Sara" and we had been through everything. She was the first last and only g/f I had, and we were in the military together, we were even roomies for a little while, and when I knew her then I couldnt get enough of her, she was sweet and kind and we were even BEST friends after our"relationship" ended, but since we've gotten out of the military and moved to the same neighborhood , she met Sara and I met my husband and had my kid. Her g/f sometimes says things and now she repeats them like her putting me down is a frickin accomplishment! Example, Sara wrecked Crystals car about 3 weeks ago and all the while since they have been leaning on me financially to get them by. Not only that but not even 2 weeks ago I was helping Sara bail her mom out of jail( idont mind, her mom is not the issue here)and Giving rides here and there and her mom was the only one to offer gas money.I told them when i lent them money early last week I would need it back when they got paid on Friday. I didnt bring up the money and was out at the park with my son and my husband and Crystal calls me on my cell and wants to know if I would bring her the clippers she had borrowed from Sara's brother, I told her I was not at home and i would drop them off as soon as I made it back to the house. About an hour later I call her to let her know i was on my way over, she doesnt answer, so I pull my car into the driveway and get out, thinking maybe someone else is home or I could just leave them on the porch. As Im walking up the steps she cracks the door with just enough space to talk and is standing there in a towel and has the balls to say "I'm kinda busy, will you just go ahead and take them to Sara's brothers house , his g/f(which keep in mind I've seen a total of twice in passing)is there?"
Ive already went out of my way to bring something to her that is her responsibility, and that she asked for and she couldnt even extend her arm out the door to grab them!!!!! I start to feel the temperature rise and I just released the clippers from my hand and let them hit the bottom of the porch and walked back to my car, got in and went back home. About 45 minutes later she calls me back to say she's sorry, i said nothing and let it be. She invites me over to show me all of the stuff she just got at the store when her and Sara went shopping and then Sara calls me dirty because of my 3 y/o who always has something out of place in the house, mand then we are watching TV, I look out of the corner of my eye and they're whispering and I say whats the big secret and Crystal turns to me and says " I know I invited you down here but why are you still down here?" Maybe 20 minutes had elapsed the whole time I was down there. I said nothing and went back to my house all steamed. I came in the door and snapped to my husband "what the hell do you want for dinner?!" and then started taking it out at him. I want to just explode on them and just really let them have it, but I dont want to hurt their feelings, I'd rather take it and internalize it and take it out on the ones I love!!! I am going to explode but when it happens I am going to have all my ducks in a row.
I told my husband during my hairy fit tonight that I refuse to let them go on a vacation we already paid for( just my husband and I paid, but it was for upto 4 adults) and I think ultimately thats their bed and they're going to have to lie in it. Im gonna get even , even though I'm already mad!

May 12, 2007
7:21 am
Avatar
lovemedo
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tiff, I can relate to all you say as I also put up with this kind of attitude from a relationship. Maybe you need to question what you are getting out of it that keeps you accepting this kind of behaviour. Your friend sounds as if she is into control and knows you will put up with anything she throws at you. It is affecting your self esteem, which is where the anger is coming from. It's not just your friends you are angry about, it's the fact that you, for whatever reason, are allowing them to call the shots. What would happen if they weren't in your life? How would it affect you? Maybe just being able to say something like "I don't think you're being reasonable about this, can we talk it through" may help. The problem with a letter at this stage is that it could end up being a vehicle for unleashing all the frustration and all the past incidents. Maybe a note about the latest incident e.g. the cutters would be a starting point along with an end something like I'm sure you don't know how these things affect me but now you do, I hope we can talk about it as I don't want our friendship to suffer.
I don't know, just some thoughts. These girls are lucky to have you as their friend. Good luck.

May 19, 2007
3:48 am
Avatar
lovemedo
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Just testing

How to leave line

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
25
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111165
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
anissafield, Aemorph, CaitlynForlong, AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information