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Feeling Low-RW
August 24, 2007
8:40 pm
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Randomwomen2
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it seems like the more I try and fit in the more I dont. I always feel like an outsider. I have major self concept issues and it didn't help that while we were on vacation my moms husband asked me "are you still eating?" Even though I started way late cause I had to fix my older boys' dinner and feed my baby. Then he called me hippo hips. Yes I wear an 18 So freaking what. I am 5'10" and have had 3 huge children. He also doesn't think that I can cook even though I'm a damn good cook and baker. My mother even asked for a recipe for my bread and I had to give her step by step directions. While I was down there my parenting was constantly undermined even though my mother was a piss poor mother. I am a good mother to my boys and I dont need someone undermining my authority. I am just aggravated and hurt. Oh and when I got home I found out that my ex step father was moved from a prison far away to one just a few miles from here. I have been through enough in my life already I just wish that I could feel good about myself. Every time a memory pops up I'm depressed all over again and any work that I have done towards my self confidence has gone down the drain. Its 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. I just dont know how to get out of this cycle.

August 24, 2007
9:35 pm
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bonita1
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Some people can only feel good about themselves while they are putting others down. His self-esteem must be always in the toilet.

If you realize that you are always unhappy and made to feel sh*tty when you are around this person, then you need to keep yourself and your children away from him/them.

I have had to do this with my 83 year old father because he always makes me feel like cr#p. Even when he is trying to be nice.

Hugs for you, honey. You keep telling yourself that you are a great mom, a great cook, and a great baker because you are. Don't let some a**h*le take that away from you. He has no power over you.

Love you, honey. Good to see a familiar "face" around here especially since I haven't been to the site in months and there are lots of newbies.

~~bonita

August 24, 2007
9:38 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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(((RW)))

We are so much alike it is unreal. Somewhere our belief in who we are has to come from us, and not someone else. I believe that. Now, we need to go on a mission to conquer this issue. I am with you RW. You are NOT alone. And I care....with all of my heart.

Love to you...

Mich

August 24, 2007
9:41 pm
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flipflop
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Just thought I would share something that helped me years ago with my husbands uncle.(and there seems to be one in every family) He would always be the first one to point out a mistake I made, or make fun of something I was doing constantly. I learned that those people are so insecure wtih themselves that they feel the need to put others down with rude comments. Like my mamma always said, kill them with kindness they will never know what hit em. Keep up your spirits, we are all unique creatures with our own gifts and talent to share with the world. You are special and loved, always remember that.

August 24, 2007
10:36 pm
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sdesigns
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RW: Reading what you just wrote- I couldn't help but think how much you have changed since you first started coming here.

Although you are rightfully expressing your anger at being treated in such a way- YOU ARE DEFENDING YOURSELF. Do you know how great that is!!

You are angry that someone is belittling you and you are seeing that clearly and you know they are not right.

So KUDOS to you, RW.

You may not see it but I do. Keep it up.

PS. Hi Bon Bon!

SD

August 24, 2007
10:56 pm
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ggfred4
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RW, I know you were looking forward to that trip and to be belittled and called names makes me upset. Sometimes things happen that just knock us back down, but we don't have to stay there. You have come along way and you are a wonderful person and a super mom!

(((RW)))

August 24, 2007
11:08 pm
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readyforachange
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(((RW))) You are a great mom, and I know how much you love and care for those little guys. Just reading your posts, I can see how much you love them. Don't let their negative comments get to you. Keep your chin up, and don't allow someone else to squash all the progress you have made. You're doing great!

August 24, 2007
11:08 pm
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Anonymous
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Oh, RW, what you have to go through to see your mom! This man seems to be all about himself keeping his territory and owning people (your mom). Well, you know one thing, you can never be too blunt with him. Or too childish. Maybe hes good to your mother but youre right to defend yourself. Next time something he says doesnt settle right with you, I hope you speak up. You know... better red with some embarassment if need be than purple with hate! Think of us at AAC backing you up. About cooking, who´s he to judge? Taste cannot be argued only lamented, says a friend of mine. All tahe best!

(((RW)))

August 25, 2007
7:07 am
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Randomwomen2
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thank you all. It was just a really rough trip. It gave me the feeling of unworthiness when he called me names. Like I dont belong some how. He didn't know it but I cried.

August 25, 2007
11:51 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I am so angry right now I just dont know what to do. these kids I babysit will not go to sleep they keep on getting up and talking its not only keeping me up but its keeping my kids up as well. Crap why wont they just go to damned sleep

August 26, 2007
1:40 am
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bonita1
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SD!!! You cutie!!! How're you doing???

Random, sd is correct in saying that you have grown so much since we first met you. Honey, I am so sorry that piece of sh#t hurt your feelings. Please consider the source and know that he is not worth so much as one tear.

How old are those kids you are babysitting? Depending on how old they are, sometimes you just have to turn off the light and keep leading them back to bed. Whatever the age, be very clear in your directions, "Go to sleep now and every night at this time from now on."

If they keep wanting to talk, keep telling them these exact words. Use a very calm tone of voice. If they want to argue just say, "NEVERTHELESS, You will go to sleep now and every night at this time from now on." Supervise them there until they fall asleep.

The level of need determines the level of supervision.

Good luck, honey. A little effort on your part tonight should nip this problem in the bud so that next time you won't have such a difficult time of it.

~~ bonita

August 26, 2007
2:32 am
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mamacinnamon
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RW:

You know the score. You know you are a good mom and a good wife and good cook, etc. Don't let them intimidate you. If he says something derogatory then you have 2 choices. Ignore it or smart back at him. Or I guess the third would be to say something like "it's to bad you feel that way" and walk off. My dad always said kill them w/ kindness. It works.

Also, you said you never feel like fitting in and you try so hard. STOP trying. Be who you are honey and if they don't like you then that will be their loss. I think you are a special woman myself and would be glad to call you my friend.

You are letting worry dictate your life. Stop and redirect. Let happiness direct your life. Be happy in what you do. Then folks will see something they want to get to know.

August 26, 2007
2:39 am
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bonita1
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I got this quote from some other site so I don't know who said it. But it goes like this, "Be who you are and say what you feel because those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter."

Hope you get some well deserved rest.

~~bonita

P.S. Hiya mamacin!! hugs!

August 27, 2007
2:09 am
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mamacinnamon
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"Be who you are and say what you feel because those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter."

Very wise words; I like it.

PS. HIYA Bonita! hugs back atcha!

August 28, 2007
2:13 am
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Randomwomen2
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Thank you for all of your feed back. I am just feeling down. It seems that after all that I have been through that something broke inside I dont know maybe it never grew. I feel lonely and stressed. I have so much to do but all I want to do is read. I am tired all the time except for when it is time to go to bed. I get mad way to easy and I just dont feel normal I just dont know what to do.

August 28, 2007
4:21 am
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mamacinnamon
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RW:

Most of these are symptoms of sleep deprivation. It makes everything seem ten times worse. Get naps when you can. I know w/ the little ones it is hard to. Maybe someone from church, or a friend, will come over and watch the kids while you take a nap. Just a thought.

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