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feeling lots of pain, any suggestions
January 3, 2005
1:00 pm
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ILSILS
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hello, if you have read any of my other threads you may have notices im living in what feels like hell. my lovely hubby decided to make a break this new year, i havnt seen him sence thurs. you see we are living w/ my parents right now b/c my husband got into drugs real bad and we allmoost lost everything we had to get him rehab, his behavior has been horrible towards me, h eallwayse has the best of intintions but never follows through, my fault too however i allwasye lay down and take it, well my parents finally got fed up and said something too him, and he told me he wasnt going to come home. now he says that he doesnt want to loose his family but he just cant get along with mine so he wont live there anymore, he cant work right now and i cant afford us a place on my own, but most of all im having lots of questions about continuing on in this new year with him, and the way he is, any suggestions? he is staying with his mom for now and wants to get togeather tonight to talk, i have no clue what to say.

January 3, 2005
1:06 pm
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workinonit
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ilsils,

did you consider that this may be the proverbial "one door closes"? Which door are you going to open? The one with him behind it or another one that might just lead to a better life!?!?!?

January 3, 2005
1:08 pm
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kathygy
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Think about how you want to be treated by your husband and tell him. Is he still in rehab? I wouldn't continue in the marriage if he is mistreating you and won't change his behavior. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Don't settle for less.

January 3, 2005
1:20 pm
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RDeckard
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I agree with kathygy you deserve to be happy.After all a marraige should be where you can rely on each other not to be a nurse maid to someone who cannot cope. If your decision is to help someone then that is okay but you should not be forced into the situation. There are profesional people who can help, but that person has to want to be helped. If they don't want to be helped then you should not have your life spoilt. However old you are ilsils, life is too short.

January 3, 2005
1:26 pm
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ILSILS
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I'm only 23, but we have a two year old. I feel bad for her most of all, i want him to do right by her, he tells me everything i want to hear and does right for a day or two and then its right back to mr. hyde. it sucks, man it sucks so bad, i dont want to "give up" on a marrage, i ment my vowels when i took them but i feel like now i am hurting myself alot by staying with him, however, i do except responsibility, i am the one who choose this, i choose to get married i choose to except this treatment for three years and never really stand up for myself. and now i have another decision to make. but im so afraid, im afraid to be alone, afraid to "give up" afraid to stay with him, im afraid eather way.

January 3, 2005
1:32 pm
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workinonit
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Have your parents given you any indication they will help you out?

Honey, of course you meant your vows! That is what normal people do but, you cannot say, "I'll stay with this person no matter what abuse I am given!" That is not what marriage vows should be about. Plus, do you want your daughter brought up in this environment of constant uncertainty?

Do not be afraid to take your choices back. It doesn't mean giving up, it just might mean doing it a different way. Being serious enough that he knows you mean business. Make the choices that are best for you and your daughter, not him. Let him see strength.

January 3, 2005
1:38 pm
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ILSILS
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I do think strength is a key, but where to start, suggfestions?

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