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feeling lost in the world
October 13, 2004
9:00 pm
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christchild
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September 29, 2010
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October 13, 2004
I am so co-dependent on my grandmother, till it ain't funny. I am in recovery and I am in a treatment facilty and my grandmother is just not ready to see me or have me come visit, because she saied that she is just not ready for all that yet. I have not spent time with my family since January and I saw them once in July to go shopping, I did not go to my grandmother's house. But her feeling and the way that she feels is affesting the way I feel and plus she has my daughter for me until I get myself together with recoverying from drugs. But I aldso have other issues like codependency and boundary issues that I need to deal with. I still feel like a child, I feel as though I need her approval to validate who I am as a person. She is like my mother because my mother was only fifteen when she had me, so my grandmother took on that motherly role. She decided to disown me. I am thirty-two and my grandmother has always had a hand in my life somehow, I would always go to her for advice or ask her what I should do in certain situations. And druge per say was the only think at the time, I thought was the only thing in ny life that I had control of. I have a difficult time making decisions on my own. I had lived a "sheltered" life. Sometimes when I call her she does not feel like talking or is in a bad mood, it sort of ruins my whole day. I am praying and asking God to help me with this dillemma. I am journaling and I have individual counseling once a week to sort out my troubles. I feel lonely at times because I miss my family so dearly, especially my daughter. Because she does not really understand what is going on. I do not want to disrupt her life because of my mistakes. She keeps asking when am I coming home. She is in a stable environment and she is doing well in school and the place that I live children can not ride bikes or rollerblade and she loves to do that. She would not be able to go to the refrigerator and get what she wants here, we are not allowed to have food in our rooms and we have to eat at certain times. I am ever so grateful for a place like this. I need someone to give me a little fed back. Gotta go.

October 13, 2004
9:03 pm
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art angel
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Christchild,
sounds like you are taking steps to recover, and that's great! Keep it up, you can do it. (((hugs))) Artangel

October 13, 2004
10:06 pm
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lam
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christchild,

Hello and welcome!

Wow you really are taking some positive steps to recovery. Hopefully through your counseling you will be able to find validation within yourself for the brave and special person you are, rather than having it hinge on anyone else or their 'approval.' Glad to hear your daughter is in a safe and stable environment; that gives you the time to work on you.

I wish you much luck and progress in your difficult journey. Continue journaling and posting here when you can, this place is a blessing to alot of people.

Be strong christchild, you CAN do this...

Much love,

lam

October 14, 2004
2:26 pm
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Anonymous
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Hi christchild!

I was wondering where you have been!

Good to hear from you,

Sunny

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