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Feeling inadequate and insane around work
April 22, 2004
4:12 am
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Miffy
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I am working away from home at the moment and sharing the appartment with my colleague who is the driving force behind the business. Althought I am a director, he is the boss. We get on OK and I feel we are friends but it is quite tough on me mentally for various reasons. He gives opinions on my love life (I do not give away much info but enough - there aren't many people other than us in this city) etc. Yesterday, he suggested that I do an MBA - I am overwhelmed enough at work at the moment as it is - running a business, consulting and commuting only home at weekends when I go to Al Anon and Coda meetings. His suggestion made me feel very "less than" - like I was not good enough and needed to do an MBA to be good enough when I think that I should have taken it as a compliment. I don't feel good enough around work at all at the moment although I am on the verge of a new and exciting project. I always feel like he holds the cards. I know this sounds garbled but could really do with some help on this. I feel so tired and overwhelmed.

April 22, 2004
5:03 am
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lewis
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sounds really difficult for you.

what is the MBA

when your boss gives opinons on your love life? what sort of opinions? are they healthy opinons or unhealthy?

you sound like you are lacking confidence.

i hope this helps, but you must have alot about you to be able to be a director and juggle personal issues too.

i hope you feel better soon - let me know how u r going.

((((((hugs))))))))

April 22, 2004
5:28 am
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Miffy
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Thanks Lewis. An MBA is a Masters in Business Administration - it's a tough course and there is no way I could fit it in right now. I am finding it hard to deal with work stuff and personal stuff and to assert myself in the business. There are some issues which I think I should take control of and am almost afraid to say "I want to deal with this and this is how I want to do it". As for his advice re: my love life it is along the lines of don't date people in recovery (probably healthy) and that I should meet someone successful and who can take care of me which seems good advice. I generally meet men who are not financially successful - whether that is a good thing or a bad thing etc I don't know - that's another question for another day. I don't have confidence, it's a comfortable place for me to be.

Thanks Lewis

Hugs back

April 22, 2004
5:30 am
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uptoolate
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Tell him you would rather not discuss your personal affairs with him. After all, that is your business not his. Don't let him make you feel less than. Take some time out if you can and do something nice for yourself. You deserve it.

April 22, 2004
10:14 am
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lewis
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i bet your boss is aware of your lack of confidence too.

& dose he/she help you or make you feel worse?

sometimes we have to be actors & actresses - we may be quaking in our boots - but we have to act that we are in control! & sometimes if our personal lifes are over flowing - this seems impossible.

i hope your self confidence grows, have you done anything about it? i mean do you mention your feelings in your coda meetings? & al anon?

i'm intersting in why you have low self esteem / confidence?

take care : )

April 22, 2004
10:36 am
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Miffy
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I haven't talked about it in Al Anon and Coda yet as I've been dealing with primary relationship stuff but will. I don't know why I have this kind of issue with self esteem and confidence - I always worked hard as a kid - I know my mum had little confidence around achieving things at school or in work and I never wanted to outshine my sister workwise. It's something I clearly need to deal with though and the acting line is a useful one - thanks :))

April 22, 2004
3:12 pm
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Anonymous
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Must be a real challenge to share one's private life (home) with one's boss. I could never ever possibly do that without my life becoming a terrible mess. The problems you mention would be the smallest I can think of just off my head in a minute. I'd feel that he rules not only my work (which is enormeous influence in one's life already) but also my private life, because there's only so much one can speak up to one's boss - even at home. I'd end up in a huge mess, I know myself.

April 22, 2004
7:10 pm
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blindersBEINGslowlyREMOVED
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FIRST & FOREMOST...NEVER MIX BUSINESS WITH PLEASURE..never converse about your personal business at work unless it is all good. people feed on the negative, you set yourself up for 'OPINIONS' when people know too much about you.

Tell only good things and that way that is all that they know ! Practice that. tell someone else not someone that you work with. not someone at work. Business is business.

Also, I received a 'less than perfect' performance review, and I took that into consideration. But, I am satisfied with MY OWN PERFORMANCE AND KNOW THAT I AM DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN. Sometimes management sees performance as a way to keep you at bay. i know that i am a top performer and always have been! One company is not going to shatter my self worth.

But, ALWAYS DO AND KNOW THAT YOU DO THE VERY BEST YOU CAN...SOMETIMES IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT EVEN YOUR BOSS THINKS ABOUT YOU AS LONG AS YOU AARE DOING YOUR WORK TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITY YOU WILL ALWAYS BE SELF SATISFIED AND THAT IS MORE THAN ANYONE CAN GIVE YOU.

IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO FOR YOUR MBA RIGHT NOW, DON'T -THAT IS YOUR PERSONAL CHOICE. IF YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOUR BOSS, THERE ARE ALWAYS OPTIONS FOR HIM TO LET YOU GO OR THAT YOU MOVE ON YOUR OWN. BUT, GOD NEVER CLOSES A WINDOW WITHOUT OPENING A DOOR.

SINCERELY, PEACE & GOOD LUCK,
PCEBC
P.S. YOU ARE CONSCIOUS OF AND MINDFUL OF THE WAY YOUR JOB FEELS ABOUT YOU AND THAT IN ITSELF TELLS ME THAT YOU ARE A EXCELLENT EMPLOYEE!

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO SET YOUR OWN GOALS, IF OTHERS ARE TOO PRESSING FOR YOUR TASTE RIGHT NOW. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF- PEOPLE ADMIRE YOU FOR THAT TOO, EVEN THOUGH THEY MAY NOT ADMIT IT.

be careful who you call a friend!!!!

April 23, 2004
1:42 pm
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Your boss sounds like HE has problems. Bringing up your personal life should be your choice, not his, and he is behaving very unprofessionally. Is it possible that he finds you a threat? Maybe not an immediate threat to his job, but a psychological threat since it sounds like you are quite competent despite his statements.

Maybe there is a little professional jealousy going on there on his part. Maybe he sees that you have a promising future, potential or that you derive pleasure from your job and maybe he does not have these things. It doesn't sound like you NEED an MBA or your job would have requested it upon hiring you. Sound's like his criticisms are less constructive and more set up to make you feel insecure. The man has issues. He sounds a lot like my boss, actually.

Are you stuck with this guy for good. Does your job have other locations/offices or whatever nearby?

April 23, 2004
1:45 pm
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P.s.

If you don't want/need to go for that Master's DON'T. It will absolutely absorb all of your free time and suck the enjoyment out of your life- at least that's what's happening to me! It's over in June, that God. If I could do it again... I wouldn't. Or I would choose a degree I cared for. Don't let someone who doesn't seem to care about your feelings influence you in such an important matter.
-ella

April 26, 2004
11:01 am
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Miffy
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Thanks so much bbsr and msrella - amazing advice - I won't be leaving as the job and company are working for me but will definitely use your input and maybe revert to you if I feel "boundary-less" again.

I definitely won't do the MBA at the moment as I am busy enough at work and don't feel it necessary - I just felt a bit inadequate.

Thanks again

Mxxx

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