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Feeling Guilty
June 16, 2003
12:05 pm
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June 12th was my son's birthday and I didn't get him anything. We just moved into this home and money is tight so I decided not to get him anything. I usually give him money to go out and buy himself what he wants but this year I didn't even get him a card. Last night on fathers day he was very depressed again, he says it was seeing a commericial on smoking and the damage it can do. But IM wondering if its because I didnt even mention his bd except to say happy birthday. The kids and his girl got him something and also for fathers day. I am feeling very guilty about it and wonder if I should buy him a belated birthday present? I hate feeling guilt.

Bel

June 16, 2003
12:31 pm
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Bel,
You did acknowledge his birthday and what better present than giving him a home to live in which you put the deposit down on. You are providing him a place to live and you are giving him your emotional support. He has to take some responsibility for his own feelings and emotions. He has to learn how to be a functioning adult in this world we live in. You can't do that for him. You can only give him your love and guidance. You have gone above and beyond what most people would do at this point. Don't feel guilt because you didn't buy him a present. You have given him a present that he doesn't even understand yet. Hold your head up high and feel the hug that I am sending you today. ((((((Bel))))))

June 16, 2003
1:12 pm
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Tooscared thank you for the hug.
I know your right and I have told myself that as well. He has been working alot around the yard and made it look nice. He is trying really hard to help out so I am proud of him. I just feel that he is in a fragle state of mind right now and it scares me.

June 16, 2003
1:18 pm
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May I share my fantasy of the best birthday present I would like to receive? (financial cost: 0)

I'd like the person to be there when I wake up, greet me with a big smile and tell me how lucky they feel that I exist and that I'm in their lives, have my breakfast ready (nothing special, just my usual, but ready for me, maybe a little something extra), have my shower ready, ask me what I want to wear and get it ready for me, ask me how I slept and what I dreamed and listen to my dream and comment on it with interest, sit with me while I'm having breakfast, joke with me through the door while I'm in the shower, accompany me to wherever I need to go (work, errands, jogging, whatever I planned to do) and then leave.

The most wonderful gift I can ever get is special loving ATTENTION during my routine life.

June 16, 2003
1:25 pm
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Sounds like a great birthday gift. There is nothing like the little things to show you how much you are loved.

June 16, 2003
1:27 pm
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Bel, he may very well be in a fragile state of mind right now, but you are not the one causing that. He knows that he has problems with his anger and that he has issues to work on. He took himself out of that one program because he thought he could handle things on his own. You are there for him but you can't make the decisions for him. Is he still looking for a job or does he have one already? How is his girlfriend's job working out? I worry about you in this situation because it seems like you are giving and giving and not getting much in return. You are right to say that it isn't your responsibility to cook for everyone and take care of kids and be the mom here. You have done that and your son needs to step up to the plate and be the dad to his son not just physically but in financially supporting him too. You are a wonderful mom and just need to be good to yourself here. Find time to have your own interests and hobbies. Go out with friends and even go and have coffee. 🙂

I do care Bel and just want you to be safe from your son's temper and the problems that it causes.

June 16, 2003
2:27 pm
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HI TS, thanks for your words. I am taking time out for me or at least im trying. The end of the month my son and his family will be out of town and IM planning an all girl cookout at my house. My sisters are coming and a couple of neices and a couple of cousins. IM looking forward to having a great time with them, they can be a crazy group at times. Wanna come?????

How are you doing? How is your hubby feeling?

June 16, 2003
2:32 pm
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I was just thinking to myself - wish I could join Bel on her cookout! Too bad we don't live closer!! Have a great time with your family.

I am doing pretty good. My hubby is in town this week so that will be a challenge just getting used to each other again. Then he will fly back out next Monday. Traveling sucks! He is feeling better though. He is very tall and doesn't have a very good back. Thanks for asking though. Can you picture us together? He is about 6'4 and I am only 5'2(almost!). I guess God had a sense of humor when he put us together!

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