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Feeling Guilt Not Sure What To Do?
September 25, 2006
2:11 pm
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ShortCake
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September 24, 2010
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I am trying to be friends with my ex and it is sometimes tough. Last night we went out with a few friends who are a happy couple, they asked us about a concert we went to. I told them how a lady got mad at us and told me to get my “boyfriend” under control. When I used the term “Boyfriend” he jumped out of his skin. You know when someone’s eyes get all bugged out and he fidgeted. I continued the story and let it go. He never said anything to me. I but I know it upset him that I used that term.

It was a fun simple evening hanging out with a happy couple. In many ways it also hurt because I want more… I want to be that happy couple again. With by ex’s commitment issues, he can’t offer me anything more. He is still dealing with the pain of his fiancé of 5 years running off with his best friend. When we were dating and he would get close to me emotionally he would run for the hills and self destruct our relationship. Finally I asked what’s wrong and he said he can’t deal with emotions that come with sex and a relationship. Therefore, we are trying to be friends. On another note we are NOT friends with benefits, he said the emotions of sex with me are too much for him. Plus he knows I am not that kind of girl.

Overall, I am feeling tons of guilt for saying the term boyfriend in that story. But it was how the story went, I guess I should have said get that “man” under control. Either way I have been feelings guilt and pressure for saying something and I don’t know how to “fix”. Part of me says just let it go. We had a nice evening hanging out and everyone had fun. He hugged me and walked me to my car. He never brought it up and I never did either. Should I say something? Or should I let it go?

September 25, 2006
2:20 pm
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CAMER
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its only a word, boyfriend, and who cares what you said, it is done and over, he seems to be the one with the issue about the word.

I'd let this one go (the word boyfriend) what's done is done, and don't let the emotion of guilt get the best of you, you only said what you felt, and you have that right.

since he never brought it up again, just let it go.

Good luck with it all....(((camer)))

September 25, 2006
5:09 pm
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taj64
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You know, guilt is useless emotion. You cannot do a thing with it. If you are mad you can do something and sometimes it is good to be angry but guilt? All that does is still there. And for others to make you feel guilty is all about manipulating a person into thinking their views, or their way on things. Honestly ask yourself if it does you good to feel guilty. Then you have your answer. Yeah let it go. Not worth the trouble.

September 25, 2006
5:17 pm
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gayle
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Let it go honey, the issues with commitment are his not yours and you can't feel for him or anticipate his reactions to the things you say, nor should you have to. If he has an issue let him bring it up otherwise just let it go. You didn't do anything wrong by saying boyfriend- at the time of the incident he was your boyfriend. (((HUGS)))

September 25, 2006
5:28 pm
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ShortCake
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Thanks everyone for your insight. You are all right. Guilt is not something that makes us feel good, and we can not help how others react. If he wants to bring it up he can, otherwise, I am going to have to let this go.

gayle - he has not been my boyfriend for about a month, and the concert we went to was as "just friends" however, your right about not being able to anticipate his reactions he can either suck up what I said and accept it, or he can learn to communicate with me if he has a problem.

Thanks Everyone!

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