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Feeling Grateful today.
June 25, 2009
1:51 pm
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caraway
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I continue to learn so much from what others post. I am reminded everyday when reading about relationship issues, codependency, and abuse of just how far I've come with the help of this site and caring folks here who have been willing to reach out to me.

I am feeling so grateful that I have gone through times when I felt sure that I wouldn't make it and did. I look back now at situations that were going on when I first came here; that were affecting my life to such a degree that I was in therapy, medicated, and still didn't want to get out of bed. I would log-on to AAC and there would ALWAYS be someone here to listen, support, and challenge me to keep moving.

I don't believe that any relationship circumstance could bring me down to that level again. I have truly learned that the only person responsible for my happiness is me. Relationships and love are great, but they don't define me.

Just wanted to thank everyone for sharing their own stories; I learn and grow everyday here.

Cary

June 25, 2009
2:16 pm
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Zebra
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Here; here caraway.

Love, Z

June 25, 2009
2:30 pm
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CAMER
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awww Caraway, glad you are feeling good & know you give us so much back to with your great advice!!!

June 25, 2009
2:50 pm
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atalose
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Team work!!!!

We are all so fortunate to have such a hell of a team here on AAC.

Caraway I am so happy you are in a place in life where feeling grateful has become achievable!!!

((caraway))

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

June 25, 2009
11:03 pm
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Lanigirl
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Caraway,

You said it beautifully. Reading your post gives me encouragement.

June 26, 2009
3:48 am
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sunshine88
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hey caraway, some of us here are still at that stage of not wanting to get up from bed, and logging on to AAC for company and support.

i too have learned a lot for the past three months that i became a regular here. hopefully someday i could say the same thing to everyone here.

June 26, 2009
11:23 am
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caraway
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sunshine,

I know the feeling so well and want to offer my support and encouragement to you anytime you need it.

From this side of things; I look back now at the days that I felt so anxious that I would either get really sleepy and work and think I would die if I couldn't just get home and crawl into bed (escape). Or, I was so upset and sick feeling inside, desparate to connect to someone. I logged on daily, hourly, to be heard; to know there was hope.

I look at it now (after therapy and CODA) and realize that no one has the power over me to get back in that shape, except me. Are my relationships perfect? NO! I just realize now that having someone in my life at any cost isn't worth it. If there is an argument, I don't worry that I have to give in or they will leave me. I am 100% certain that I am going to be great with, or without, someone in my life.

What is going on with you today? In your life?

Cary

June 26, 2009
12:17 pm
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sunshine88
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cary, none of that which you described for sure! lol.

i have a thread with my name on it. it more or less describes the stage i am in.

i am clear with myself that i no longer want to settle. what i gravely fear deep in my heart was what u described as "desperate to connect to someone." but someone in this board shared before, "be alone in your loneliness." it's because when we seek out company, we bcome easy prey, and we start settling again.

will there ever be anyone who will come and share a healthy and lasting relationship with me? i dont know, and i am not sure if i should start teaching myself to stop hoping, or to keep hoping.

June 26, 2009
1:28 pm
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caraway
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Sunshine,

This is one of those situations that that you can be sure of. When you get healthy and happy with Sunshine, the Universe will present you with options.

I am not here to say that my life is perfect or that I don't have challenging periods in my life, but I don't worry that I have to be alone, or that I will ever have that desparate feeling in the pit of my stomach agian. I can not get upset, sad, etc. and not feel hopeless. I can get angry and say that I am angry and accept that some things don't work out like I thought they would; without fear that "what if this was my last chance to have a relationship?", or "what if this person is the best I'll ever do?"

I have learned from each relationship and now am aware as I go through things that there is some growth opportunity for me. I realize that what was intended, in some cases, may not be happily ever-after, but some lesson that I needed.

I will go to your thread and catch-up on your situation. I hope you will make the choice to be happy with you and feel confident in what you have to offer someone.

Cary

June 26, 2009
1:59 pm
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sunshine88
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thanks Cary, you're wonderful, and it's really encouraging to have met you ...

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