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Feeling Empty
February 22, 2005
10:42 pm
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peacefulprincess
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Where to start? Tonight I had contact with an ex that I still care deeply for. We have one heck of a long past. He's actually one main reason I starting seeking help and found this site (a few years ago). Our relationship has been a roller coaster ride between the two of us and one that I should have gotten off much sooner than I did. Without going into all the details again I just feel I need something tonight... I don't even know what...

He emailed today and he's dating someone else. Said he found his someone special, the one he's been waiting to find for a long time. Blah, blah, blah. And you know what I did? Emailed him back and told him I am happy for him (I've never been able to do that before). I guess I am. But, it feels weird. I think I've known for a long time now that we would never be together again. More importantly that I shouldn't want to be with him because of the abusive relationship we had. I still always question if that was more my fault than his. I'll probably never know.

I feel sort of empty, sad, lonely now after hearing his news. It's silly of me I suppose. It's just that.... he is the one I thought was the one, ya know. I loved him more than I did myself and even lost myself in him. All I've had after hearing his news is flashbacks... the good times, the laughter, the love. The feeling that I never measured up. Was never good enough no matter how hard I tried. And now after only a few months of not talking to him he already has a someone special. I haven't even dated since I don't remember when.

I'm being silly. I need to shut up and just LET IT GO.

Sorry for whining!

February 23, 2005
12:04 am
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msguud
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Dear Peaceful - OH, PISS ON HIM!! That was really big of you to do, though, but I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have even answered him. Of course you're gonna feel lousy after hearing that. Don't talk to him again. Let him have his (wonderful) life. Screw him. Too bad for the new one if he's abusive. As long as it's not you.

Stay peaceful - keep him out of your life!

February 23, 2005
10:22 am
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I have a slightly different take on this. I broke up with a guy recently. We dated for eight months. Our love verged on obsessional at times, but eventually I began to feel that the more in love I became, the more he stepped back a little.
I thought that I was strong enough to end it, but have regretted it ever since. He has a new girlfriend now, I'm not sure if she is a rebound girlfriend or maybe more. But I can relate to the same feeling you have of wanting the ex to think you are happy for him, without him finding out how much it sometimes kills to think of him with her. I suppose these are natural feelings nevertheless, it is also sad. No doubt about it..

~charlie~

February 23, 2005
10:35 am
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CAMER
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keep venting...and just know that you are just feeling your feelings now...and in time replace the love for yourself, its always good to love yourself 1st, b4 you can love someone else.

He was abusive with you, and he will be with her, so i am sure his relationship isn't all that he says it is. You've been with him, and you are so much better off now without him.

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