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feeling down...but not out.
January 14, 2009
11:21 pm
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sincere2myself
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September 27, 2010
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My ex husband called today and told me he has a tumor on his kidney and they need to remove it. I have really mixed feelings about it all..This is the man I once tried to kill myself and now he may be dying. My kids don't know him and don't want to. I just don't know how much more I can take. I try to be kind and christian like, but the dislike I have toward him limits what I allow him to do, or even interact with the kids.

I feel so bad for my babies because they have no one but me. I have no one but me either. I really don't have anyone I can tell my pain to. I have friends but no one wants to hear people whine right.

not looking for pity tonight...just want to cry under the covers.

anyone know what that is like.

January 15, 2009
12:25 am
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Modesty Blaze
New Jersey
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September 30, 2010
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Yes I do...I'll be crying under mines tonight too. My relatives had invited me to visit. I have not seen them in years and was very excited. Since Sunday they have stopped taking my calls and have not returned any. I feel abandoned...again. Alone...again. Stupid...again. I always fine myself here feeling like I'm 3 years old. I agree "no one wants to here people whine". I'm tired of telling others how messed up my life is. I know I have to give this time to pass but I hate myself for always drinking the kool-aid. I hate being needy and wanting my family to love me so bad that I chug it down blindly every time. BUT...like you said "we are not out". This will pass and I will be smarter next time. AND your not alone...it just feels that way. Love is all around us, we just have to open ourselves to it. We may cry tonight but tomorrow will be a new day and we'll start fresh again. Have a good night.

January 15, 2009
2:06 am
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DeepestCut
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September 30, 2010
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I am not even gonna put out there the fact as to whether I am down tonight...

Point one, you are not alone... Your kids can not support you, but can be a source of support for you...

Point two, You will always have God... As you have stated that you are Christian, your Christian family will will offer you so much more than just a bible...

Point three, you are still here... If it were not for you, where would your kids be??? Your kids should be a source of inspiration you... Let them be your driving force...

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