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Feeling bitter
April 18, 2004
1:12 pm
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rish
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I have been married for 14yrs,my husband cheated on me by having another relationship.The relationship is now over but i have been left with alot of bitterness, that every time we meet in his office wher he used to meet her i just bang tables and shout at him. This does not amuze him at all so he reacts bitterly too.I want peace HELP!!

April 18, 2004
8:49 pm
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CAMER
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September 30, 2010
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RISH...FIRST off he cheated on YOU and that is going to take time for you to deal with....issues with TRUST I am sure will be a huge issue..have you recommended to him some marriage counseling??? this is all so new to you, so you need to feel the feelings and hopefully get some professional help with him.
Good luck!

April 18, 2004
8:53 pm
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hope21
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just out of curiosity- are you still with him and trying to make your marriage work? Camer had a good point, you should look into marriage counseling. either way- he is the one that went off and had an affair. He shouldnt' be acting bitter at all! You have every right to be angry, and hurt. It may take years and years to gain trust again- so live life for you right now, and focus on what you want- not what the two of you want- just you.

April 18, 2004
9:18 pm
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gingerleigh
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There are 2 sides to every coin. If he went out and had an affair, then something was not right in the marriage. Please don't misunderstand me, Rish, I'm not saying it's your fault that he had an affair. He's a big boy, he can choose his own behaviors, and he screwed up big time. But, affairs themselves are the not the problem in a marriage. They are a symptom of something else being out of wack... that something could be the relationship between the two of you, or just him, or a combination of the both of you. As suggested above, marriage counseling can help you work through to those core issues.

You have every right to feel as you do. Realize that if this marriage is something you really want, your behavior now can influence the outcome. Your feelings are valid, absolutely, but how you express them can make the difference between working things out over the coming months or saying something that will irreparably drive a wedge between you forever. I understand that you probably want to hurt him back the way that you have been hurt. Go slow, allow yourself time to take care of yourself.

April 24, 2004
12:50 pm
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Anonymous
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"something else being out of wack..."

Yes, his penis.

Cheating is first and foremost a symptom of a desire to cheat. It's much nicer, though, to think that when we work with 'him' to fix the marriage, he won't cheat anymore.

Hope,

Wonderful advice !

April 25, 2004
9:27 am
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slowlearner
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September 27, 2010
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anger is part of the process, alow yourself to heal. It takes time and is different for everyone. Be good to yourself (even if it hard to do) put yourself first for a while.

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