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Feel like you have met the devil?
August 13, 2006
9:36 am
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StronginHim77
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I have heard a number of us, trying to describe our ex's, some of which were N's (narcissists), some BPD's (borderline personality disorder), some alcoholics or drug users...and many times I hear some of you commenting that you feel like you have encountered PURE EVIL, the devil, himself, etc. This is especially consistent for people who have survived relationships with N's or BPD's. Can any of you relate to this? Did you feel like your ex was loaded with a dark presence that was not quite human?

Just curious.

= Strong

August 13, 2006
9:55 am
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nvr2late
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strong...
you hit the nail on the head!!!
I have never met someone so evil as my stbx..I have told him that..as a matter of fact...he has 3 cowlicks right where horns could be..
and I tell him that I think he is growing horns.

odd...isn't it.
I have never ever ever met someone that seems to have NO feelings and LOVES destroying people...but usually only me and his own kids.
he can be nice as pie as he is luring another victim in.

not only do they ACT like the devil...they FEEL like they are a higher power.

my stbx started wearing a cross around his neck, listening to christian radio...and has a easter palm cross in his car..

I don't know, I don't get it...
it is odd and it seems like they think they are god, but act like they are from the bowels of hell.

just my nice experience 🙂

nvr

August 13, 2006
10:13 am
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readyforachange
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Strong...many times! I have sometimes felt that my ex was possessed by some sort of demon. He is so evil, so irrational, so calclulated in his attempts to make my life miserable, I felt that there could be no other explanation. And sometimes, especially early on in our marriage, I wondered why I felt that way because he was very rarely physically abusive. He took me by the throat twice in our marriage and shoved me against the wall, threatening to kill me. But those incidents are not the ones that made me feel he was evil...there were so many more that were planned, not just alcoholic impulses of rage. Does that make sense. I mean, the pure rage that was driven by his drinking was one thing, but the things he did which took days and weeks of planning are the things that let me know that he was truly evil.

Just recently, he has made some backhanded, feeble attempts at reconciling with me. First, he told my son he wanted to get back together with me and asked my son to ask me if I would go out with him. Then, he told my niece to tell me that he thought I looked like I had lost weight. He has done SOOOO much in the past three years, and he has never apologized, and then he starts these little games.

Yes, the devil works in mysterious ways, too.

August 13, 2006
12:14 pm
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lovinglife
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Ok if this is some type of research- I’m in.

Used to feel as if there was a dark presence that would walk through the door along side exh (during my married yrs). Believe more than a few times I stated to him, “It’s like you got the devil on your shoulder…” And ‘it’ would stay in the house until he left again. But then again, perhaps not (about ‘it’ leaving) as I became extremely depressed- suicidal toward the end of the marriage- why I finally woke up and got out.

Again married yrs: Often felt and would state to myself as it was very creepy… “I’m sleeping next to the devil himself.”

Today, though somewhat removed from the sitz, when exh walks in the door esp. after he’s been drinking( but doesn’t have to be just after him drinking)-while I don’t have the EXACT heavy feelings like I did, I do know there is definitely a change to the atmosphere (spirit) that is in the house. I’ve often used the term ‘infecting my house” and that is exactly what it feels like. A very draining-negative energy to everyone around. And now that I think of it- after being away from him for 5 yrs-when he came back into my life-once again and it didn’t take all that long- I became very depressed-suicidal in thought.

Ex-n: I also felt something at times- a very negative energy that I have referred to as *evil* or felt was *evil*. He wasn’t an alcoholic but looking back believe addicted to porn/sex (not sure-just guessing).

One more example: I encountered someone (who was not under the influence of drugs or alcohol, not addicted to porn either) but was messed up big time because of abuse. My first conversation with this person left me feeling a very, very negative energy to which I felt a strong need to warn others. *My feeling* ended up having a lot of truth to it...the person ended up attacking someone.

My take on the sitz: Because I believe that we are ‘spiritual beings’ that when someone’s *system* is WAY OUT of whack- it creates a powerful negative energy that can be felt by others. This negative energy in my limited knowledge, my limited choice of terms, I’ve used the words- “devil”, “evil”. But what ever words could be used to describe it- there’s definitely something to it.

Ok- now I’m feeling just a little crept out talking about this! Need to shake it off : ) Even a little hesitant to post this....

What got you thinking about this Strong???

August 13, 2006
12:20 pm
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mamacinnamon
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yes, most definitely.

My evil x even said when he had his wreck that his dad came and sat down beside him and told him he was gonna take him to hell to spend eternity w/ him. That's when he got up and decided he wanted to live rather than sit there and die. The docs said it was a miracle he lived. Ya know, you'd think an encounter like that then he'd do his best to get to Heaven. But, no, he's as evil as he was. Such a shame.

August 13, 2006
1:56 pm
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StronginHim77
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lovinglife -

What got me thinking about this? Memories - very VIVID memories - about past interactions with my ex-BPD fiance. I can recall looking at him when he was raging at me or speaking to me with great cruelty. He would be unable to make eye contact with me. One time, I finally got my courage up during one of those rage/cruelty episodes and said, "I would appreciate it if you would look at me when you are speaking to me." He turned and looked directly at me and his eyes were awful. Empty. Dark. One time, just before he used his hand to hurt me, physically, I remember him turning, fixing his eyes directly on me and giving me a smile that gave me the chills. That look was almost worse than what followed, physically.

My younger son recalls one afternoon he had come to our house for a cookout and, upon entering the house, just stood off to one side, near a wall, extremely agitated/tense. He would not speak to either of us (my son or me), return our greetings, make eye contact with either of us, or sit. Just stood there, shifting his weight back & forth between his feet, with his eyes darting nervously about the room, looking at ANYTHING, but us. I remember moving back and forth between the kitchen and the dining room, feeling such a sense of heaviness and dread. I did not want to go near him or speak to him. Had to FORCE myself to approach him. Asked if he was OK? He still could not look at me or my son. And I FELT such negativity, just OOZING from him. It was awful. I wanted to bolt from the room. My son and I both sighed with relief when he left, shortly after dinner. (Very abruptly, just kinda bolted out the door without so much as a "thank you for dinner" or anything). His presence truly gave me the creeps. This happened on MANY occasions.

It was like there were TWO of him: the sane, reasonable, human side which tried to reach out to fellow humans, and then another side: inhuman, cruel, oppressive, scary, EVIL.

Not sure if I have explained this well. It's hard to put into words without sounding like a crackpot or something.

- Strong

August 13, 2006
2:04 pm
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gracenotes
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I actually did some work with a healer who worked with people to remove "entities" (dark presences) from their being. There are actually some mental health professionals that work with clients in this way, although this person was more a lay person spiritual healer. This whole concept of entity possesion runs through movies and is actually a part of many religious beliefs, i.e. exorcisms.

To write about this is difficult because it is so outside what I

normally believe. But I do believe that there are dark forces that can get inside other people, especially at times when they a sick, depressed, on drugs, and even having surgery.

I don't know if I totally "buy" this, but the person this healer said was invading my being was actually a very mentally ill person who was a friend and had died and didn't want to leave the planet and felt safe invading my being. This person was very obsessive and also schizophrenic. She died under adverse circumstances, and it could have been suicide. I didn't even know she died, but this healer was right when I checked it out. I just know that after this healing I was finally able to really start healing things. It explained in part my intense obsession to my x-t. In fact my obsession started around the time this person died. This person heard voices of women she was obsessed with too as part of her mental illness that drove her to do things that made no sense.

Geez, this must sound so nuts to anyone reading this, and it is so outside of what I normally believe, but once we did this work, I honestly stopped being obsessive and could finally start healing things.

I just think this is a good reminder to have good boundaries and be careful with who you associate with and to also approach life in a positive way. I really didn't have any business trying to befriend someone so sick and trying to help them, but I didn't initially know she was so sick. But it also kind of explains why seemingly normal people do violent things and then make statements like "I don't know what came over me" or "the devil made me do it" or, as I often said about my ex-t experience, even to her, "that was out of character for me" (to keep contacting you). Maybe they are telling the truth, as I was telling the truth.

Maybe there is some credibly to all of this. There are a lot of books out there about this for further exploration.

August 13, 2006
2:07 pm
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lovinglife
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Oh I can relate to the thing about the eyes- exh's look would also just send chills through me. I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. And the two sides- yep here also.

Its only happend once since he's been back- (the look) and its just creepy thinking about it.

August 13, 2006
2:22 pm
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doubleloss
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evil .... i think the most evil person i have ever met is my father's wife. the woman is so hateful that nothing that comes out of her mouth is even remotely close to nice. her faces shows it. i feel sorry for her, but i feel even worse for my dad

August 13, 2006
2:28 pm
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hopeless
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My-n used to say he was his own god all the time.. and when he would smile i swear my heart would jumpt because i'd get scared. He had these crooked yellow FANGS that just scared me. And the way he would look at me sometimes.. like he was going to kill me. Evil. Just plain evil.

August 13, 2006
2:44 pm
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lovinglife
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"I just think this is a good reminder to have good boundaries and be careful with who you associate with and to also approach life in a positive way." Excellent advice Gracenotes! As we type, I'm working on figuring out what my boundaries even are : )

BUT- like I've always wondered- what is it inside of *me* that has allowed myself to either be drawn to such people (also thinking of a few exb's) or not had the strength (obsession perhaps) to back away from them??? Would be wonderful if this is just a boundaries issue.

OK who in here has played with an Ouija board in the past?!!! I did in my younger years- yikes! Ok I’m getting freaked out- but unless you’ve been a person who has dealt with someone who is *not normal* in the least-WE’VE got to sound just a little off the wall.

Also curious to know how many of 'us' did drugs in the past- is there a connection there??? My teens yrs were spent having a heck of alot of fun...

Ok it's back to figuring out my "blocks".... so I don't ever meet up with a person like I have in my past...and also that I learn to RUN without looking back...'listen to the red flags wavy in my face that I ignored..."

blessings to all!
LL

August 13, 2006
3:19 pm
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gracenotes
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lovinglife,

If its any help, these N's, etc. can have this sense of charisma, they know how to be seductive with you in many ways to hook you in. AThe first time it happens, maybe it has nothing to do with boundaries.

If you don't have experience with these personality dynamics (and who does, unless you grew up with parents with them -- and not necessarily true of my parents) you just don't have a frame of reference to know what the heck is going on and that there are sick people like this who experience life in a very different way from you and I. That was my experience back on my 20's with an ex-fiance. I have never had a truly functional m/f relationship since, although I had a number of pretty good relationships before I was with him.

Yesterday I was doing some organizing and I came across an article from the early 80's that was in Cosmopolitan magazine entitled "The Cruel Lover." It was an article that saved my life because it explained to me, for the first time, what these people are doing, and descrbied my ex-fiance to a "t." Although this article was more about psychopaths, now called sociopaths, and similar to the n's, bbpd's etc. we talk about here, it explained how and why things started out good and then became a nightmare. After I got rid of him and he was threatening me, I was seeing a counselor, and somewhere during this counseling it became apparent that she did not believe the stories I told about the crazy things n did. The hang up calls, stalking me, slipping into my apartment building and whispering "sicko" outside my door, gossip. I ended counseling and shortly after read this article that explained personality disorders to me very well and I finally understood what had gone on. But, sometimes, how can you know until you experience this?

Lovinglife, if anything, maybe this experience will teach you how not to let this happen again, but a word to the wise, they also come in the form of co-workers and women, sorry to say. I didn't see that coming, with a female teacher, in my case, but have learned the lesson.

August 13, 2006
3:30 pm
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Anonymous
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this is funny. i had a lady from a flower shop come to my house one time to help me decorate my mantel for xmas. i had known her for years and we are pretty good friends. she walked in my house and looked around and said she couldn't stay because she felt this evil, opressive presence here. i immediately said husband wasn't home , dont worry. but she still left a few minutes later.

August 13, 2006
4:34 pm
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lovinglife
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Thanks Grace~

Ok that’s right- got a little off track- CHARISMA- seduction….yes, I remember that now- forgot about this am : ) was only thinking about the *stuff* that happened after I got sucked in. And yes, as sad as it to say- both my parents were loaded with charisma (though not abusive to me). Makes sense why I find *charm* to be a very appealing characteristic in others.

And thinking about your experience with the counselor not believing you-been there also- THAT in its self can make you feel even crazier. And OH, the whispering thing you mentioned…. that happened to me too- it’s all so creepy to even think about.

WOW- but we’re here, we’re getting healthy, and what was it someone said on the NC Thread- “Watch out universe here we come!”

And guppy- now wouldn’t it be nice if others like ourselves had felt that *presence* immediately and ran for the front door!!

August 13, 2006
5:11 pm
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StronginHim77
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True confession: On my very FIRST date with the BPD-ex, I remember walking into the lounge where we were meeting for Valentine's Day Dinner. (Note: I had invited HIM out; not vice versa). And I remember walking up to where he was waiting, seeing him all dressed up in his suit (I was dressed to the nine's also in a red silk dress & coat), and I felt a chill...a sense of dread...wash over me. It was like a voice inside of me was screaming, "No!! Get away from him. Get out of here. There is something very wrong about this!!" And I remember bolting down two drinks in a row, to quench that feeling. I remember feeling a sort of repulsion, while looking at him and sitting next to him.

I believe with all my heart it was my spirit, my soul...sensing and reacting to the evil within him.

August 13, 2006
5:12 pm
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StronginHim77
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lovinglife...

You see? I actually FELT that presence you talked about...and chose to override that inner warning. I never forgot what I felt on that first date. Something inside of me KNEW.

August 13, 2006
5:34 pm
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gettingthere
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HI would just like to add my own experience on my ex psychopathic husband,,,,i always knew when he was gonna be violent towards me it was like an electric force i could feel off him,long before he actually was violent..it was a most horrible aura coming from him ,in my own words evil.................GT

August 13, 2006
5:39 pm
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StronginHim77
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gettingthere...

I believe you. You can sense it building, before it erupts. Horrible, wasn't it?

- Strong

August 13, 2006
6:15 pm
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lovinglife
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Strong~

I think many of us did-feeling it. I did when first meeting exh- but didn't listen to my gut. And with ex-n, because we met online, I didn't *feel it* right away but sure felt something like in the 2nd week coming through the computer screen- but my famous last line..."I ignored it."

And what really floors me right now, at this moment,- I'm not even sure with knowing what I know- if I could simply walk away if I met someone like that again...almost like a denial of reality or something... but I'm getting there...thats the goal….never again…

August 13, 2006
6:26 pm
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Yep, I called it the black look. It could happen anywhere, anytime, for any reason or no reason. It was like black cloud came over his face. There was no taking it back or escape. Scary.

August 13, 2006
8:37 pm
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gracenotes
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Oh, these last few posts. The signs are all there on the first meeting aren't they? Our feelings are always speaking to us loud and clear, maybe its intution, telling us no, no, no, no, no. Don't do it. If we always listened to that inner voice of feelings we;d be all the better. That's our health shining through. It is the wisest thing, isn't it?

It was like the first time I met ex-teacher in person. Lesson one, total impatience, abusive comments. Weird now to thing of that. Felt awful, I didn't listen, I went back. I remember driving home and my mind was swimming and I felt so small. Was even accused at the first lesson of having a poor attention span and being a "handfull" to my parents. ??? None of that was ever true of me anyway, but, already I was doubting myself.

That reminds me that we really have clarity when we first meet someone. One or twice, I actually wrote down my first impressions of someone, just so I could remember what I truly felt and kept that as a reminder to look back on, just in case I had some doubts. When I get back into dating, or even meeting new people I meet, I think I am going to do that more often.... write down those first impressions These first impressions are also unemcumbered by other peoples' ideas too.

August 13, 2006
8:49 pm
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lovinglife
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Where is Truthblister??!! He really had some good insight on this whole thing. Grace your last post just reminded me of something TB posted:

"I take comfort from remembering my first impression, because at least I know I was on to something. After I was hooked, my codependency kept me wanting more: giving the benefit of the doubt, optimising the situation, foregoing my own pleasure to keep things on track, and letting my work and other relationships suffer."

If I (LL) was just a wee bit healthier, I'd be able to write and feel those exact words. Getting there though- *progress not perfection*

We DO need to take comfort in that we AT LEAST knew something wasn't right!!

August 14, 2006
10:20 am
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StronginHim77
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Bumping up in hopes of catching Truthblister's eye...

August 14, 2006
10:49 am
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forgottenone
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absolutely.

i'm a religious person and i believe that the devil has his own henchmen on earth -

i had a dream that i felt was telling me that my ex-fiance was the devil and to leave him. i can't remember all the details of the dream but a red horned devil figure kept popping up and i felt the dream was warning me that my ex-fiance was the devil.

also, i felt my sense of religion slipping away when i was with him. he was jewish but didn't practice any religion. he didn't beleive in God and felt he didn't "need an archaic book" to tell him things since of course being so full of himself he didn't need anything.

August 14, 2006
10:57 am
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lovinglife
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wow I too had dreams of warning (exn)...and with that, added to my orginal gut feelings,...I still didn't listen.

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