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Feel like i just hit a brick wall
November 17, 2006
4:02 pm
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jastypes
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All of a sudden, I am beyond exhausted. I feel like crying. I feel like having a nervous breakdown. I'm overwhelmed. I can't put one foot in front of the other or get a clear thought in my head. I need to rest, but all I can think of is the million things I have to do. And I think well, I can rest on Thanksgiving and the day after. I just have to get through 'til then. And I want to accomplish a LOT of work before then so that I can relax. Working two jobs today and tomorrow. Birthday party tomorrow night at church. Singing on Sunday. Working one job on Sunday, then going to pick up paint. My house is a disaster. I mean truly a disaster. It's filthy and cluttered and there are leaks and mold. Children and Youth would have a field day with me if they were back in our lives. But at least when they were, the house got cleaned once a month. Mark's not coming home this weekend. I can't go pick him up. Don't know if his being there would make things better or worse anyway. Adam's recovering from his surgery. I can't take a hot bath, because it rains into my bedroom!!! I want to run away.

November 17, 2006
4:10 pm
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Isis
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jas,

For crying out loud, you've been through a lot this past week. Adam and your mom, not to mention that you work two jobs, and are very actively involved with your church. Honey, it's time to crank it down a notch.
You need to slow down and take some RR time for yourself. Try to do things around the house in small, timed intervals. Trying to cram and do too much in such a short amount of time will only continue to overwhelm you.

Breathe, (((jas)))

Isis

November 17, 2006
4:20 pm
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D27
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I dont really know what to say except, do what you HAVE to do and drop everything else. I have to agre with Isis.... breath

November 17, 2006
4:27 pm
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on my way
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honey, you need some help and a break. no wonder you feel exhausted and like crying....lot's going on in your world. any idea how it all got to this point?

BIG HUGS!!!

November 17, 2006
4:45 pm
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jastypes
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The way it always does. It's my fault. I like to work. I'm comfortable with working. I enjoy it. I love it. So I do it -- a lot. I leave for work at 8:00 a.m. and return home at 6:00 p.m. I eat a quick dinner, then head to my upstairs office and sit down and start typing until it's bedtime. In the meantime, dishes, laundry, and trash piles up. The kids are old enough to do it all, but I haven't trained them, and I never yell. I think it's all my responsibility anyway. I think I've got to clean up this mess and then get them to help me maintain it. Things got out of hand, because I allowed them to. I put all my energy into what feels comfortable and good. I really a great typist and secretary. I SUCK at being a wife and housekeeper. I'm an okay mom, but I really fall short in that department too. I don't want to look at it.

November 17, 2006
4:53 pm
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jastypes
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Ok, now I'm really just venting. Had a car that couldn't be fixed. It's in my husband's name. They wanted $200 for the work they did, even though it was unreparable in the end. My husband wanted his plates back. The garage called today and said they were going to turn the car over to Penndot as an abandoned vehicle unless someone called them. I called Mark and told him, "I am completely burnt out. You need to handle this." Oh yeah, he handled it. And he called me every 5 minutes, after every conversation he had with the mechanic, to fill me in on all the details, to get my approval and pat him on the back. What part of "I'm burnt out" didn't this guy understand??? Why couldn't he simply take care of it, and give me a simple call saying, "Jill, I've got it. You don't have to worry about this."

November 17, 2006
5:37 pm
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Zinnie
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As one of eleven children - who had parents that were so clean you could eat off of the floors... and now the Mother of five...

There is no reason why you cannot leave your children a list of things that you need them to help you accomplish.

I don't know how many you have, but, even something as simple as this:

Child #1 - Pick up all the trash in the house, put in a trash bag and throw it away in the garbage can outside.

Child #2 - Pick up all the dishes, pots, pans, utensils and soak them in hot soapy water for 20 minutes. Then load the dishwasher.

Child #3 - Sort the laundrey (personally, I only trust ME to do the laundrey - but that is another story) - any child can put towels in one pile, colored clothes, and whites in another.

When you say there are leaks and mold - can you hire out to have that fixed and the mold removed? Or, can you do it yourself? Don't laugh - but, perhaps purchasing the stuff to do so and taking care of it either on Thanksgiving or on the days afterwards?

By getting the kids to help you, you are really helping them - in teaching them how to take care of these things.

Re: the car? So... he took care of it all by himself? Well, good for him! As I am assuming he is a full grown man. If you have caller ID - screen your calls. There is NO law that says you have to answer the phone if and when it rings. If you know it is him - especially only to say "oh, I got this done" let him leave the message on the machine. This is not your car, therefore? Not your worry.

Z.

November 18, 2006
10:17 am
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jastypes
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Zinnie, thank you for the amazingly simple and easy-to-follow instructions. You'd think as a grown woman, I'd have figured that out already, but somewhere along the line I just believed I had to do it all.

I'm printing out those simple instructions and will begin using them in my home.

Love,
Jill

November 18, 2006
11:02 am
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Isis
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Ditto, Zinnie. I'm going to start holding each one of my four kids accountable for their own chores.
Enough is enough!

FYI jas- another great self-help website is Flylady.net. She's the on-line version of a get organized life coach. It's time I start reading her daily e-mails and stop automatically deleting them.

Best to all,
Isis

November 18, 2006
11:23 am
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jastypes
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LOL, Isis. I do the same thing. For one month I did the 30 days of babystepping. I felt so much more in control. Lately I can't even get my sink clean once a day.

November 18, 2006
11:32 am
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Isis
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That darn sink! If my oldest would just do his chore and put the dishes in the dishwasher... well... then maybe I'd be able to shine the sink!

Baby-steps.

November 18, 2006
2:28 pm
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StronginHim77
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I am a firm believer in assigned chores. If they don't do their chores, (without nagging or reminders, mind you), there were swift and unpleasant consequences. Privileges got suspended immediately. They learned to do what was asked of them, when it was required.

Sometimes, it takes alot of energy to get our kids to behave. When we are depressed or overwhelmed, we tend to let it go because of the tremendous effort it requires to keep them up to the mark. I can really really relate to what you are experiencing.

But, I would encourage you to STOP all the volunteer work - not permanently; just for a season. And make some leisure time for yourself. Too much busy-ness is downright unhealthy. We have to learn to take time for ourselves, even if it's just to daydream on the porch glider for 25 minutes.

Get those kids pulling their weight. Write our their assigned, daily chores on a posted calendar. If they fail to comply, impose swift consequences. They will get the message really quickly, if you consistently follow thru.

It will be good for their character. Teaches them responsibility and unselfishness. And it will give you the help you need.

- Ma Strong

November 18, 2006
11:11 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi J...

Pretty much what Ma Strong described is how I handled my brood...

My parents? We were taught from the earliest age that I can think of (I remember helping sort stuff at about two or three) and growing up we just had chores that were expected of us to be done. If they weren't then we lost out on what privledges we had. Now, keep in mind again, this is in a family with eleven children so things were "run" a bit different.

But, something my parents did? We HAD to be present for Thursday night dinner - no excuses - unless you were dead! When we sat down to our dinner that night there was an index card with a list of chores on it, and my parents had it cross referenced to a check list that they had. They had their chores to do too - but, Thursday night in our home was when the house got the deep cleaning.

All the sheets were changed, all trash cans taken outside and rinsed with bleach and water, blindes taken down and scrubbed, furniture moved and rugs cleaned, grout in the bathroom scrubbed with bleach, etc.

Hope that gives you some ideas.

Z.

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