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feel like I am hitting a wall
March 4, 2007
4:49 pm
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jeze
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September 24, 2010
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I am in a longterm relationship and we have talked about our future after I am done with college. He has been a very good compassionate and very patient with me. The first two years were blissful as the years our love making was still sporadic but it was more than often. Once it began to feel like a routine spent with him. During this time frame I told him about my parents thought of him and their perspectives of our relatioinship. I have lost my friends within the timeframe of my relationship which they ended up with their own lives or lost themselves on dependency on drugs. I have family and roommates I can talk to and seeing a therapist During this time frame I have accused him of stuff and it would resolve, Possibly cheating pretty much jealously issues or self-esteem issues. Then I would bring it up again. Our lovemaking has stopped b/c he had some expectations of the relationship.

However he is more of extroverted than I. I would blame myself b/c of the accusations when lovemaking stopped I would cry to myself in the middle of the night and then thats when the arguments started occuring more often that we would wake up people within the house.

It came to a point I took a break and took the full advantage being away from him, finding myself and I was happy with being surrounded by my family and doing stuff and not stress from school. With the family preaching especially siblings preaching about how I should be? My relationship with him and etc.. When I went back into he situation and made some sexual contact however it was him that got the satisfaction. Usually when we did it was him half asleep not remembering or deny that it didn't. I feel I am being pulled by family who denied his existence, or didn't want to meet him and in his turn he didn't want to meet them and sometimes react being self-conscious about himself or stress so much that he would be sick or believe I can do better.
I love this man however I still feel I really can not trust the relationship is good for both of us b/c the communication factor. The accusations occur i begin to doubt our relationship. Lately I became more vocal and I have addressed my concerns to him and our relationship he and slowly began to make changes, once it was going good. Then I didn't know what should I do to compensate as my part of the relationship. I didn't know better and did what came natural to me, then i felt I had to accuse him which I know is so unhealthy I felt really scared to just be happy and I have always felt I can not be happy b/c I will loose whatever happiness can occur.

Since our first sexual contact and accusations I can see it is beginning to burden him and i am feeling negative energy and I just want to make love however he is not interested or says, babe, not today or he would excessively eat more of that day so that when the lovemaking was to occur that day he is too sick before we go to do it.

As Of now I am frustrated and feel if my parents had been more accepting of our relationship I wouldn't feel so emotion and stress about us and actually feel Happy, with no jealously, negative energy or anything, I just want my parents to just meet us and accept it or finalize the relationship to take it as it is as of now I know I am not pleasing myself, him or my family. I really feel like I am hitting a wall with no resolution.

March 4, 2007
8:06 pm
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Randomwomen2
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September 29, 2010
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Sweetheart it sounds like your parents and family can see that you are unhappy I know that they should let you make the decisions but as a mother I can see being concerned. Have you thought about couples counseling? It might help.

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