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fear of grieving
August 22, 2000
12:18 am
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nome
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i am just starting to deal with the recent death of my two oldest sisters and two nephewsand my eleven year old niece. this is from two years ago. so close behind one another i could'nt deal with any of it.now i'm terrified of the pain i will feel because i don't think the pain willbe just about those recent losses.as a child i was abused for many years and developed d.i.d. one of my abusers(mysecond oldest brother)will still physically abuse when ever he runs into me alone!how i think i may feel,may be worse then what i really feel. my head and stomach are saying nooooot!will i survive those feelings can i go insane? will i become suicidal?will i remain functional through thi grieving process?please what can i expect?

August 22, 2000
5:24 am
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blueeyes
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Nome
My heart goes out to you and your great losses. Grief can bring a whole multitude of feelings. There are stages of grief that are well documented. I'm not well versed on them but I'll give it a shot. The first stage is denial. To deny what has happened is a very normal thing to go through. I think a questioning stage is normal too. Why me? What have I done to deserve this (these in your case 🙁 ) loss? There is a stage of crying alot (can't remember the specifics of that one). Someone else might be able to help on these!!

My ex husband lost his uncle, both his grandparents and his father as well as our divorce in the space of three years. He was in denial for about 3 years after. He felt that to face the pain would be to let go of all those people. That somehow by holding onto the pain, he held onto his feelings and memories for those people. People in grief identify with their grief feelings. Like someone who has had physical pain for years identifies with their pain and knows a lot about medication and hospitals. To move on from the grieving position can be a very very scary thing to do. It means that you are letting go of what you know and embracing a grief free person who has different emotions. Happier, more content emotions. Remembering the people you have lost in a different way etc. There is no shame at all in asking for help during this time. If you have access to a counselor/therapist then for your own sake, if you need it, go to one.

Grief can bring up all sorts of issues from the past. Issues relating to loss. Loss of people and loss of a way of being. (i.e. to have been abused as a child could mean loss of the child within you as you would have had to grow up in an instant, loss of virginity etc.) Nome, you could be grieving for a hundred things right now. Just think, going through that grief and pain, coming out of the other side, you can shed it all, take on a new mantle. It can take weeks/months/years but however long it takes, you don't have to do it all alone. There are some things that we do have to go through alone. But not ALL!

I hope some of this has been helpful. My losses have been more on the level of losing a way of being rather than losing a person to death.

Just remember, however you feel, those feelings are yours, noone can tell you that you shouldn't feel them. Explore those feelings, hopefully you will find a counselor/therapist to do that with.

x

August 28, 2000
12:40 am
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nome
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Thank you to all that replied to my fear of grieving questions.i have a counselor,but hearing from people who don't know me say some of the same things she has,helps me believe her more. Maybe i can get to the other side of this still sane! Nome

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