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father's anxiety during pregnancy
June 21, 2007
8:48 am
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risingfromtheashes
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ok...been dealing with this for a week and kind of at wits end.

I am 2+ months pregnant. I am EXHAUSTED, my libido is COMPLETELY shot. My breasts are swollen and painful (sorry for TMI). All I want to do is sleep. I fight days of general nausea, but no real morning sickness. My sense of smell is on overdrive and many smells make me gag, literally. Including his cigarettes.

In the middle of all this, we are renovating his house, so we can all live together. He is doing all the work, as I have no energy to contribute, plus all the chemicals, dust, paint and stuff I shouldn't be around.

At my own place, packing needs to be done, as well as general household chores...I can't find the energy to do any of it. I haven't cooked a real meal in ages...dishes sit for days. He used to do them, but gone most nights working hard on our renovations.

So - for the last week he has gone to bed crying...in fear that he is losing me.

Here's why -

I used to be a first class tease....my libido was high and I was always trying to turn him on....in hopes we would make love that night...I could do it every night...but we kept it to a couple nights a week, usually due to energy levels or chores needing to be done.

Anyway, so I was always touching him - caressing him as he calls it.

When we slept at night, we slept close, touching...now I sleep with a body pillow between us, snuggled up to that.

When he kisses me, I often pull away because something on his breath, or a taste in his mouth is making me gag.

He loves my new breast size, so he wants to kiss and touch alot...some days is ok...other days I flinch in pain. A gentle breeze is enough to hurt them.

He also shares that I don't "look at him" the same....meaning the twinkle in my eye is gone and I just look lifeless at him. My guess is my exhaustion is to blame here, as I really don't feel differently towards him.

All this pulling away at his touch has got him totally freaking out.

I realize it's his insecurities and perhaps I would feel the same in his shoes.

But the thing is, I can't do ANYTHING to change my reactions. I can't fix his insecurities, I know that.

But I am getting just a WEE bit frustrated at explaining time and time and time again that I DO love him, want to be with him, and that he is NOT losing me. I am at the point where I just want to scream - GET OVER IT.

But I know I can't be that insensitive.

The biggest problem is...now that I am pulling away...he is reaching out, trying to get me turned on, wanting to make love to me MORE...my guess is, he wants validation that I want him...so he wants to validate it by making love. But making love is exhausting, I have no drive, and IT HURTS now.

He just doesn't get it, and when I say no, tell him to stop touching, pull away, etc...he gets very upset.

Last night he was "teasing", trying to turn me on....I was trying to watch a movie, which is what he said he wanted to do....but I guess in the back of his mind, he was hoping to get lucky....when he couldn't get his way, he left and went up to his house for a while.

When he came back he explained that he did act like an ass, but he was feeling like he had to leave, otherwise, he was going to totally piss me off by not being able to keep his hands off of me. so, instead of being tempted to keep touching, he left.

Ok...fair enough...he called himself an ass and apologized, I didn't have to...so he is AWARE.

So, without me rambling more...I think you get the idea of what's going on.

So, the question would be...I know this is normal...mentally he knows this is normal (friends and doc have explained it to him as well)....but in his heart, he ddoesn't feel right.

Have you experienced this and what could I do?

at one time, he said he would rather me puke in his face, than pull away from his kiss...I said that he wasn't the one puking, I was...and it wasn't a pleasant feeling...that I could not force myself to do it.

And that's how I feel....I can't force myself to be in pain just to make him feel better. I won't. I am uncomfortable as it is.

But at the same time...I do love this man and I do feel bad that OUR pregnancy is making me all funky...I know it will pass...but not sure how to make it thru three or more weeks of this without going crazy.

I don't like seeing him cry himself to sleep at night. I also don't like his over clinginess.

suggestions?

anyone else go thru this?

I also warned him that once baby is here, my boobs are hands off for a while...and no sex for 6 weeks while I heal...if he is feeling this way now...OMG...we need to nip this in the bud NOW.

But then again, I know this is not unusual, I know MANY fathers who feel "displaced" with a new baby....or they wouldn't dedicate chapters of it in the baby books.

June 21, 2007
1:50 pm
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courage to change
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Never had much experience of this really.

But its obvious he feels rejected, and you are unable to give him what he wants and maybe needs. His inner child is getting upset and so is yours.

Is there a way you can meet each others needs, rather than the way you normally do.

If he needs touch etc from you and you are unable to give him this sort of thing at the mo.

What about both of you booking in for massage sessions separately and temporarily, until you both have something to give each other.

He is allowed to cry, but his crying and neediness effects you. Perhaps you could write him a poem, tape or a card, explaining your true feelings for him. Is there any other way he can give to you, that would help you?

Then everytime he gets upset he can then look at the card, and realize how much you care, or listen to the tape. This may release you from having to tell him all the time that you love him.

If none of this works, ask him what else would meet his needs, rather than the sexual ones. And then the other question will be are you able to give him what he needs temporarily. You also need to have your needs met, but its understanding how you can both compromise.

Hope that helps, but I have no experience in this stuff, just brainstormed a few ideas.

Good luck to you and let me know how you get on and if it helps.

x

June 21, 2007
2:01 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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courage...I do STILL touch...it's just a CERTAIN type of touch he is missing...the one that goes with the libido I think...from the looks of it.

He calls it "caressing" touch. I DO...so not sure except to think it's the sexually related touch.

I did ask him what would help him feel better...he says he doesn't know.

He does...just doesn't want to admit it...he would feel better if we were making love.

Anyway - you did have a good suggestion...I am NORMALLY the hallmark queen....maybe I can get him either a card to show my feelings, or a small wallet type card that has a poem on it...blue mountain greetings has alot of good ones. He could carry this in his pocket.

It's not his crying that bothers me...it's that it's happening on a regular basis...that it's not getting better and that there isn't much more I can do to fix this.

It is HIS insecurities causing it, which is not mine to fix.

But because I care, the last thing I want to do is give him the idea that I am rejecting him...which he is, cuz of the pushing away or saying no.

Anyway, I liked your idea about the poem...thanks.

June 21, 2007
2:29 pm
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courage to change
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Im glad something helped just a little anyway.

There must be someone out their who has had this problem and knows the solution.

YOU ARE RIGHT ITS HIS INSECURITIES, AND NOT YOURS TO FIX

I hope you find a solution

Best wishes
x

June 21, 2007
3:26 pm
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Loralei
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Rising,

I know exactly how you are feeling these days. My first pregnancy was like that. I felt like I had the intestinal flu and that I was on sleeping pills, feeling druggy all the time. All I wanted to do was sleep all the time because that's the only time I wasn't gagging with the dry heaves. I had morning sickness 24/7 for the first 3 months.

Didn't have your other problem though. My husband had no pregnancy anxiety. Instead, he was having an affair with a much younger woman and was gone all the time. The last thing he wanted to do was touch me. At least count yourself lucky that your guy wants you.

If he's going to be a dad, it's time he started growing up and facing reality. It's not your "love" that he's afraid he's losing. With men, it's all about the sex, period. Writing a sweet note that would thrill a woman, wouldn't do that much for a man when what he wants is to get physical. And he wants you more now simply because you aren't wanting him.

Just explain to him that the early months of pregnancy are like being very ill with the flu. Would he really feel like having sex if he had the flu? He's the one who got you into this pregnancy, and he gets off easy without morning sickness, sore breasts and childbirth. Don't coddle him. He's the one who should be taking care of you. He's going to be a dad so he needs to stop acting like a spoiled child and grow up. Just tell him the facts of life and that he'd better start getting used to being an adult.

Hope you get to feeling better real soon. (((rising)))

June 21, 2007
3:35 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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loralei - he DOES spoil me, don't get me wrong...I have written about him treating me like a princess on other posts.

He does rub my back, my feet, go with me to ALL appointments, carry everything for me, carry his load around the house and then some...he does go out of his way to make sure I am ok.

That being said...his desire for sex was NOT something that was this often before...we had a comfortable sex life and it was ME that wanted it alot.

So, because of the shift, he is feeling insecure.

His need for sex now, I think anyway, is to validate he's not losing me.

Because I am not doing anything else, like the touches, the looks, the kissing, and stuff...the littler stuff...he needs something more to be reassured with.

I don't think he would cheat on me now...he did...before...and said it was the biggest mistake he made. Plus, he is SUPER excited about this baby...so he wouldn't risk never seeing his own child.

I know in my heart his need for extra luvin' is simply cuz he need reassurance that I want him...since I am not acting like I do.

I just say my prayers every night that the next few weeks go by fast and I start feeling better (second trimester).

He is going to be a great dad...he is a great partner...I think he's just struggling from the shift in focus and the changes in my energy levels and libido.

June 21, 2007
4:25 pm
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fantas
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Rising...I am going to be a little hard nosed on this one. You are the pregnant one. Your body is going through so many changes that you should use all of your energy to stay happy, calm, and as healthy as you possibly can. For nine months you will have to single handedly guarantee the wellbeing of this baby that you are carrying. So I feel like he needs to get over himself and wait on you hand and knees. Many fathers experience this insecurity but in this day and age, I think it's time we stopped babying them. He needs to work on his insecurities. I understand when a sibling is jealous of a new one but I think the baby's father should know and do better. The fact that you are willing to give birth to his baby should be proof that you love him. I say go a head and tell to "get over it already, and get you some crackers :)" I have seen men who doted on their partners when they were pregnant. It was the sexiest, sweetest thing I have ever seen. All the best to you.

June 21, 2007
4:37 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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fantas...I think that's about how I am feeling...where my frustration is at.

The first time he shared, I thought, okay, he doesn't understand, I'll explain.

But after that...how many times do I have to explain?

This stuff always hits him at the end of the evening, when it's late...we are tired....it never comes up during the day...not much anyway.

But yeah, I did say last night...I am carrying your child and moving into your home...if I did NOT want to be with you - I would not be making these choices...as well as dragging my daughter thru this. I told him he would just have to TRUST me.

so we'll see. I haven't really babied him...I haven't changed anything...I haven't tried fixing it. When he gets upset, I hear him out...I try to explain how I am feeling...so he can understand.

But, given my frustration, I don't need to explain further.

If he makes me gag, I pull away...if he touches wrong...I pull away. I won't subject myself just to make him feel better. I can't. I won't.

I think things will improve once I am in his house and we can get back to "being us" and not having so much work to do, and being so tired doing it. Get back to having our date nights...taking time for us.

June 21, 2007
8:28 pm
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taj64
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This man sounds like a child the way he is described, like everything has to be explained to him. He doesnt sound like a grown up at all.

June 21, 2007
9:32 pm
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ggfred4
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Rising,

I read all of the posts and was feeling angry towards your guy. When I got to fantas reply, I said "bingo". I would have written something very similar. I was exhausted the first 3 mos. of my pregnancies, so I understand. Maybe things will get better once the stress of working on the house and the first trimester is over. Is there a book for dads he can read about what a woman goes through in pregnancy?...while you rest 🙂

I do hope you feel better soon...

June 22, 2007
7:39 am
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bevdee
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Rising

Here is my thought. Previously the bulk of your energy and attention was focused on the relationship, and now it's not. It's on yourself carrying the baby. Sex is what he will use to reel you back. He's not atypical, but, still it's not very nice of him to keep repeating the behaviour and require you to constantly explain yourself. JMO.

May you have a queasy-free day.

June 22, 2007
7:56 am
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helpplease
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hi rising, i have never been pregnant nor have i ever not wanted sex! i feel that your post has helped me understand that sometimes the way i act is very immature. if my bf does not want to have sex, i take it very personally. that is totally my insecurity and i need to get over it. the other day my bf got mad at me about this and i chilled out bc he typically is super calm and doesn't get mad, so i knew i was driving him nuts. in any case, i don't know you all personally (obviously) but it seems to me that explaining what you said in your first post about having a low libido and feeling pukey and tired should help him understand what's going on. i guess that as a never been pregnant person, i can see perhaps being a little dense in terms of not understanding what's going on. but that's just me. tell him to get it together!! also, didn't i read somewhere that at some point in your pregnancy you get super horny? maybe this low libido thing is only temporary.

June 22, 2007
8:26 am
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Hi Rising,
I feel for you. It seems to me that nobody really seems to care about how your feeling. Everything seems to be about him and how he is feeling.If you think things are difficult now, Just wait untill you have a screaming, hungry, helpless little baby who is depending on you for her/his survival. Believe me... if you think your tired now, just wait. You don't know what TIRED is yet. This pregnancy should be your time and your main focus of attention. You have enough on your plate to worry about wthout having to worry about weather or not your significant other is getting enough attention. He should be supportive of you and understanding...after all you are giving him a child, and yes, you are doing most of the work yourself physically and mentally. (Thanks to Mother Nature)
Tell him to step up to the plate and be a man, Its YOU who needs extra reassurance right now, not him. He has a baby on the way... no longer is it going to be all about him.

Good luck... Maybe couples therapy will be a good idea.

June 22, 2007
8:27 am
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risingfromtheashes
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taj - not defending him but - he IS 26 - 9 years younger - has NEVER been around a pregnant woman - and really is "dense" about the human body and what goes on. He's a farm boy - he was raised to "perform" no matter how horrible he feels physically, what the weather conditions are, etc. Work HAS to be done. Push thru it, suck it up. Not to mention he is a Marine - again, the suck it up thing.

He is uneducated - so my having to explain it is PERFECTLY normal. Most guy do NOT pay attention in healthy class...they could care less about female organs and reproduction.

Most fathers have an utter lack of concern...they don't go to appointments, they aren't home to pamper their wives, they don't even show up to the birth.

It's not that he doesn't "get it"...he does...it's just that his own insecurities/fears are screaming out. Mentally it makes sense to him. Emotionally, yes, his inner child is scared.

I have to take that into account - cuz I know how that is. I know what I am dealing with.

We are all so quick to judge - tell him to "get over it". Yet, we tell eachother that our partners should be careful with our feelings, and that our partners should pay attention to our fears and go gently with us.

Double standard here?

As I said, my biggest thing is that I want to scream "get over it already"....yes....but I love him, and that wouldn't be nice to just make him bury his emotions...stuff them...it's like our own parents telling us "get over it"....it was painful and gave us the issues we have today.

He has EVERY right to his feelings and "get over it" is NOT the right answer..

And while I won't be codependent and force myself to kiss him when I can't, make love when I am not up to it, force myself to do things I just can't....I will be careful/gentle with his feelings...just as I would hope he would be gentle with mine.

Yes, this too shall pass.

But if I want to build trust with him...telling him to "get over it" is NOT the way to do it.

He is trying to learn...he wants to be part of it...he pampers me...I can't hold it against him for feeling a little left out when things went from focused on us, to focused on JUST ME all the time. If I was in his shoes...I would be feeling rejected too.

And so would most of you.

Sorry if I sound so defensive...I just find it hard to understand how we can come here and tell eachother what to expect from our partners, and how we should expect them to be sensitive to our needs, to put our selves first....but yet, when it comes to a man here, we are quick to tell them to get over it and suck it up and stop being so selfish.

He's not asking me to change anything...he's only sharing his fears and his feelings. I honestly couldn't ask for better. I'll take this over a guy who stuffs his feelings or runs to the bar to drown the fear...or runs off with his buddies and leaves me home to fend for myself.

I'm blessed to have him.

June 22, 2007
8:41 am
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courage to change
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Hi Rising

You are completely right. This is completely new for him, and yes his inner child is scared. I think its absolutely great that you are understanding and have the knowledge of recovery. You sound like a very caring person, who is in love with a lovely man. Its obvious he loves you, but just scared of losing you. Takes time to get used to each other, and changes, all that stuff. They are only his feelings as you said, and at least he is feeling them, and not trying to push them down with alcohol, drugs, food etc.

A lot of us who come hear have come from disfunctional families and relationships, so maybe not the healthiest of people to ask. Our internal dialogue, can be quiet harsh, rather than soft and gentle and nurturing.

I guess asking someone who has been through it, in a loving family might be kind of nice to ask, how they moved forward. Dont know, just an idea!!

Good luck, and best wishes x

June 22, 2007
9:07 am
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risingfromtheashes
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I think I am going to check out the book store for a book for dad's...something light, but explanatory and maybe with a bit of sense of humor thrown in...I know they exist.

He's not big on reading, BUT, because he is so curious about everything going on...and learning...I think he would read it. Plus, I think he will get a kick learning about the baby's developement and stuff, and knowing what the baby looks like at each stage. He's not an internet person, so I can't get him online to learn.

He was so cute at the doctor's...so fascinated...got down next to doc and asked all kinds of questions...asked me more later to understand better...and plans on videotaping it all...and being there in the catcher's position to see it all happen.

I think he's facing another issue that he isn't telling me...I think he has a general mistrust for doctors and medical science...his dad died of cancer and he felt like all the chemo and stuff his dad went thru was invasive and a waste of time and not worth it. He hates doctors and seems very untrusting around them.

I say this because he is very anxious about the testing they do and why they do it...I talked about the amnio and stuff, and he was like "they will NOT be doing that to you and my baby".

It really took a full explanatin of WHY it's necessary and stuff...plus a few days for it to gel in his mind before he said he understood and was okay with it...but still not happy.

The testing and bloodwork...he thinks it's all unnecessary.

I think in his little brain, old fashioned as he is....he thinks women should just be left alone to be pregnant, squat in the field and drop the baby right out....and continue on.

The idea of all the medical intervention seems to make him uneasy.

But he is uneducated and the only experience he has with medical science is/was his dad...so I understand...just trying to be tolerant and patient...and let him work thru this stuff.

I know what when I actually go into labor...he's going to be a total nervous basket case...the kind on the movies that runs out and gets half way to the hospital before realizing he forgot to load mom in the car and left her standing on the front step...lol.

He's a goof, and I love him.

June 22, 2007
9:13 am
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courage to change
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Good on ya girl - GO FOR IT 🙂 Have loads of fun in the process. Enjoy all of this together, as its so new for you both. Beautiful x

June 22, 2007
9:30 am
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risingfromtheashes
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courage...it isn't so new for me...my daughter will be 14 when the baby is born...so for me, its routine...I know what to expect...so learning isn't as much "fun" as it was the first time around.

Sometimes that's why I lose patience with him...cuz he wants to know so much and a simple answer isn't good enough.

What IS new for me is the going thru it together. Having someone to rely on. Having someone there to tend to my needs...it's hard asking...it's hard letting someone else take care of me...it's hard relinquishing my own sense of control over everything. It's HARD dealing with making decisions WITH someone instead of doing it all myself.

So, it's a transition for both of us.

I am used to regressing within myself and dealing with it....instead of sharing...instead of asking for help...instead of xplaining my thoughts and actions.

I told him I was depressed...not suicidal depressed, just down in the dumps kind of depressed....I was tired...I was queasy...I had tons of work to do and couldn't get my butt off the couch...I couldn't find the energy or desire to make love to him....I was feeling useless and worthless.

So, I pulled within myself...get my rest and deal with the rest later.

And I SHOULD have shared this with him...I did drop some hints...but never full explained anything.

I"m not used to sharing my feelings...I never felt safe, as my ex used to abuse the stuff I shared with him.

IN this case, I don't feel unsafe...but my partner has enough on his plate...and since he couldn't do anything about MY depression, I didn't think it would do any good to share it.

This is what's all new for me.

Carrying the baby is just like last time...so it's not new.

June 22, 2007
9:48 am
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courage to change
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Hi rising

You know what I was thinking of the first time I tried skiing, teaching, catamaraning, etc.

I cried cause I didnt know how. I cried so much, cause I had know idea. But you know what I had the best time ever learning about it all, and the closeness grew mostly then. I used to laugh histerically, when I felt out of control. But hey im ok now.

You are learning to share, and hes learning about you and babies, etc.

I am happy to listen to you and your moves going forward. Im not hear to judge or whatever, just to listen.

All the best, Im off to teach tonight, and tomorrow. Then tango dancing on Sunday. So very busy w.e. I hope things go okish for you both.

Must go! x

June 24, 2007
4:29 am
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Hi Rising,
I WISH i had some advise for you for a change....

only thing i can comment on is from his side of things.

I remember when my ex began to "withdraw" from me intimately ( her reasons were completely different from yours, she was cheating on me and dying of guilt)
I remember crying A LOT. I just didnt understand how one minute i was the sexiest thing ever & the next.. the look on her face was one of repulsion.

So the ONLY thing i wanted was to UNDERSTAND. She never gave me any REAL explaination.

But YOU Rising have an amazing ability to get people to understand you. I see you here writting advice ALL the time and you make incredible sense. So i think your BEST bet is communication! He sounds like a great man. I think he deserves your best explanation & if he still doesnt get it explain it differently... but ALWAYS with love in herat & eyes.

Hope i helped.

FFF

June 25, 2007
8:10 am
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helpplease
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Hi Rising, how are things going with you? I have been hogging your advice over on my other post and wanted to check in to see how you were regarding your baby/daddy. Have things gotten any better? I do think your man is lucky to have someone with your ability to talk about feelings...and understand human behavior. My last bf was 9 years older than me. I noticed this on this post this morning. It was a wonderful experience and I wish often that things would have worked out with us. He was incredibly fun and had this I can do anything attitude that I just loved being around. I have no idea if it was his age or just his personality but anyhow, it was great. Anyhow, I hope things are well with you. hp.

June 25, 2007
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risingfromtheashes
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thanks guys...this weekend seemed to be better.

he still has his moments of insecurity where he will question if anything is wrong (like if my gaze is far away or something).

but overall it has improved.

I know for me...I have paid a little more attention to him...course, I have the energy to do it too. I also told him that his kisses have gotten a little reckless, in that he is trying to deep throat me...I told him that I preferred his sweet soft kisses....and since then, he has changed...and he likes the response because I love kissing him like that.

The other day he was stewing cuz he had had a cigar and the smell was gagging me...he said he wanted to kiss me so bad...like a dope, he couldn't come up with the idea of washing up...so I told him "brush your teeth, wash your face and hands and we'll talk"...seemed like such a simple concept...but he was so focused on the not kissing me stuff that he couldn't see the simple answer.

So, he washed up and got a nice big smooch.

He has been very careful about smoking too...has cut WAY back and now washes up after...lol.

I also explained that late at night I have NO energy...so I showed him that if he approached me during the day, like on the weekends, I have more energy...and it worked...for both of us...so he was happy all weekend.

Now, I was stewing sunday cuz he buckled and went to work with his bro and was gone all day...he wasn't going to, but bro bullied him into going.

So, I was upset cuz we had so much work to do and he wans't home to help.

So, nothing got done.

We talked about a date night out to dinner, I was craving seafood and told him I wanted to take him out....he was fussing about the cost, but I had some extra.

well, the lady he worked for with bro paid him...so when we had dinner, he paid...it wasn't cheap either...but he was so proud he took his "princess" out to dinner...to a nice dinner. I suspect we will go back there every so often...it was a nice night out...he even dressed nicely.

so, we had a good weekend.

I think his involvement with my doctor visits will help him understand more too.

one day at a time...that's all I can do.

June 25, 2007
9:40 pm
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helpplease
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i meant younger, not older. YOUNGER!

July 2, 2007
9:55 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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Update -

well, our move is complete, only left to clean and hand over keys.

what a relief.

a week shy of my second trimester and already my energy and libido are returning, much to the pleasure of my partner.

I still have to get shopping to get him his reference books...he has so many questions...I think he will enjoy the books.

we had a little rough spot during the move...he was getting stressed about our deadline...and in turn, was stressing me out.

I give myself a ton of credit, as I was NOT getting stressed...knew it would get done. Didn't get done like I WANTEd it, but never does and I had to let go of my own expectations.

When we settled down that night, he apologized for acting like an ass - and we talked the rest out, which didn't take long...once it was out, we were much better...it was just alot of pent up frustrations.

So, we are IN...and he is very happy with all of the changes.

Last night, as we were getting ready for bed...he got a call...was a woman he went to school with, calling from Florida...had left her boyfriend and decided to "look him up". I could tell by the tone of his voice that something was up...then he came and sat next to me on the couch, so I could hear the whole thing (her voice was LOUD)...she asks him what's up, he tells her he is moving me in, working hard...shortly after drops the mention of baby being due in January...that we also work together and he no longer drives truck. So, the convo changes, as does tone in her voice...she rambles...he cuts her off and tells her we need to go to bed, it was nice chatting, goodbye.

I am sure this won't be the only call, but very happy with how he handled it. I feel good about everything.

The ONLY complaint about all this is the SMELL of his house...it's such an old house...with all the animals thru the years...shoddy workmanship on the house...air leaks...stuff in the basement...ick...gonna be burning ALOT of candles.

Everybody seems happier that this is done...I know I am relieved.

Oh, and in the middle of all this, our well pump shits the bed...we KNEW we needed new well...have it in budget for October...so now we are working off of the brother's well next door...with a garden hose, so we have to buy water to drink...but better than nothing.

Even this was ok...we dealt with it.

Now, time to unpack and settle in.

life is good.

July 2, 2007
10:09 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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only call, meaning - I doubt she will call back...but that there may be others that call...but knowing how he handled this, I have no fears and know he is 100% committed.

all the crap that happened in the past can really stay in the past at this point.

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