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family member disowning family
February 24, 2000
7:17 pm
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lorene
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I am wondering if any readers have a family member that has completed severed ties with the family. I have spoken to this family member and she has revealed some pretty harsh information about our family. but now she will not talk to me anymore. Help

February 24, 2000
7:44 pm
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lorene
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Any readers have any ideas on how I can cope with a sister that will not talk to me anymore? Thank you

February 24, 2000
8:01 pm
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Yea, I did, and it was the best thing I could of done. If there is blood doesnt mean theres love and respect.
I couldnt handle the mistreatment by my family members any longer. If some one is using or abusing you, why continue to be there for them.
Look at the relationship, seperate from the fact that it is "family"
If you would not have this person in your life as a friend, or if in fact they resemble more of an enemy, then treat them as such. Best thing I could of done. The time and space away from them was and is healing and valuable for clarity and self esteem.

February 25, 2000
8:30 am
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KTHOMAS
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Here is another side of the story...

I am the one that pulled away from ALL of my family members. No contact for almost five years...

It is not always because we are abusing our families...in my case, my family just couldn't accept me for who I am...kept being judgemental and they all knew what was best for me even if I didn't agree. Families get together and talk about each other and what this one or that one did and how awful or great or whatever....I just got tired of all the crap...

In the last few months I have had a couple of my sibblings email me and have even spoken to a sister on the phone (our parents are dead, though I do have a step mother that I have lost contact with as well). I miss my family from time to time...and wish our kids knew each other...but sometimes relatives push you away...

This may not be what has happened in your lives...just wanted you to hear the other side is all.

February 25, 2000
10:22 am
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lorene
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How am I to cope with this sister that wants nothing to do with me. We were very close and she confided in me alot and I always kept what she told me to my self as she requested. I am just not sure what I should do with these feelings. this information about my family that she has shared do I keep to myself now or do I share with any other family member that does not understand her disowning. I get along with all my family members, we have our differences but I get along with them. I just am not sure also on how to cope with this information she has shared with me. HELP

February 25, 2000
11:25 am
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eve
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lorene,

I can't give you much advice with your family and your sister. But you should find somebody to talk through what your sister told you, because you seem to be troubled by this.

You can do it here, anonymously - or find somebody else you trust. Or you can ask your sister what she expects from you and why she told you something that is hard to bear and required you to keep it to yourself.

Well, what I want to say is: it won't help your sister, when you are unhappy. Try to take care of yourself, and then the other things will have a chance to fall in place.

Take care

February 25, 2000
11:29 am
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lorene
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Eve, how do I find someone that has experience with this. Thank you.

February 25, 2000
12:51 pm
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eve
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lorene,

your question is difficult for me to answer, because I don't really know what "this" is.

You could consider a counselor (if you are still at school there might be a school counselor). You could talk to a self-help group which deals with this kind of problem. Or you could phone up a crisis center. If you are religious you could also talk to a priest.

I don't really know any useful telephone numbers, but you should find something in your local phone book.

Good luck!

February 25, 2000
1:38 pm
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Brenda
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eve you are smart
what do you think about my situation...see "ask Hazza" thread

February 25, 2000
5:38 pm
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Neelie
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My boyfriend severed ties with his family 3 years ago and he's never been happier. They too didn't accept him for who he was. Sometimes leaving a dysfunctional family can have positive benefits.
Perhaps you just need to let your sister have her way and see if she returns. It's her choice.

February 25, 2000
7:07 pm
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lorene
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Neelie, you probably are right. I will and have been leaving her alone. As far as other family members wondering why she is not coming around. I will tell them to contact her personally if they need to know. maybe she will confront family soon with her allegations. lets hope.

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