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Family Issues
July 15, 2015
6:39 am
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brittanyolee
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This will be a lengthy post but I really need the advice of others. My parents have been married for 31 years. It has not always been a blissful marriage. My father was not faithful multiple times and at times abusive. My mother remained with him despite all of it. I remember my first year of college I ran out of gas and called to tell him i needed help. He told me, " I never ceased to disappoint him." Two weeks later he ran out of gas and blamed it on my mother! One time his mistress called the house my dad bought while i was in college. She thought he would be there while I was in school. She then admitted to having an affair with him. I have found on his computer dating sites with him log-in and all. When confronted he lied to my face.Those are most of my memories when it involves him. I will say this about him. My mother helped him to build a business and he made it into a great success. He has always monetarily provided beyond what we needed. But it always felt like compensation for not being a father.

I am happily married with two beautiful daughters. I felt quite blessed to be in a happy marriage when I didn't always see that growing up. This past September while my parents were on vacation they asked me to go check on their house. While I was there one of his employee's made unwanted advances toward me. I pushed him away went inside and got my daughters and left going straight to my husband's job. I was very upset but after I told my father he allowed the person to stay employed. I felt betrayed because this person was a "good worker and good person" as my father put it. He put an employees value to him as a good worker over his own daughter. While I do believe the employee is sorry for what happened I also believe there should be consequences for one action's.

In November my mother told my father she wanted a divorce(this wasn't the first time). They argued and he threatened her and physically abused her.Mom asked my grandparents for for financial help for a lawyer. this isn't the first time they have helped with it. In March she decided to go back to him. Against her children's and family's advice. We told her we could not support or be apart of her going back to a person that threatens her life. And should she go back we would not be apart of her life. She went back.

In April we received a phone call that she had overdosed and was in the the hospital being treated. She was taken to a facility a few days later to be evaluated. The psychiatrist basiclly told her should she go back to the abusive environment she would most likely not survive. She again decided to seek a divorce. My grandparents helped get her a lawyer, loaned money to her to help get her a trailer. I helped furnish it and added a phone line to my plan to give her as much support as possible. Everyone has always tried to help her get away from this abusive relationship.

I no longer have a relationship with my father. I have forgiven him I believe for what he has done. To me that is the person he is and I have to accept that and move on with my own family. Yesterday my mother came to me wanting to go back to my father. Her decision has been made but she wanted to continue to have a relationship with me and my daughters. I didn't have to have a relationship with him though. I feel like she wants the best of both worlds. Which is selfish. She says to give it some time and to pray. As a christian I believe in forgiveness. I believe in prayer. But I also believe that I should not accept her decision. And I should not feel guilty about no longer having a relationship with either of them. This is a hard decision for me because I love my mother very much. I don't know if it is guilt or sadness but losing this relationship brings a deep painful feeling inside of me even though I know it is the right thing to cut ties. Any advice would be greatly used. Thank you

July 16, 2015
11:04 am
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sketchie
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I am going to give you permission to do the right thing and cut ties. I am going to give you the support that you need while you go through the grieving process and move on.

You can say anything about me, but I am who I am & that’s something you could never be.
My name is what hoes tend to mention, keep talking bitches, I love the attention. →

July 23, 2015
6:55 am
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brittanyolee
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Is that the right thing to do though. Are the feelings I'm having selfish and irrational or legitimate?

July 23, 2015
8:51 pm
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sketchie
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It is the right thing to do and your feelings are important and legitimate. You are taking care of yourself and that is the most important thing right now. You decision will bring the closure that you are looking for.

You can say anything about me, but I am who I am & that’s something you could never be.
My name is what hoes tend to mention, keep talking bitches, I love the attention. →

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