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Family is tough
June 5, 2009
3:39 pm
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makushla
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September 27, 2010
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Yes, it is family that I was talking about in the just one offense posting. He has never, ever in any way even remotely given me the "feeling" he was that way. I know that sounds like I'm stupid, but I'm not. When I saw what I saw and he was so drunk he could barely walk, I took the kids, left, and called the authorities. That was 11 mos. This was so "OUT OF THE BLUE" I cannot even tell you. I knew he was depressed, I knew his drinking was affecting our relationship and I was trying to get him to the VA when this took place. We also have a son who is 4. They have had almost 0 contact with him for a year. It has been so difficult, It is like he died. He tried to kill himself in Dec. but I got him to the psych ward in time. He has really turned around since being sober, being on meds for depression, and going to talk therapy. Someone said I might want to keep my family together, and I do. We've been married 13 years this June. We are both professionals and now, thanks to his behavior, highly in debt, but what I'm most concerned about is if this a one time wacko incident. Is that possible? Yes, we are all in therapy, thanks to his coverage. He's kept his job until now, but this next week that may change. I have never thought I'd be in this position at 41...or in it at all. I NEVER sensed anything even remotely close to this type of behavior. I feel so stressed out. Family has been great and helpful and wants to see the kids have a healthy relationship with their father. I go back and forth. I am taking it very slowly and just now getting supervised visits established. He and I have other issues to work on (his infidelity)and he has his other sexual acting out to deal with. It sounds undoable, but he , I believe, is a good man deep down, and I know he had a lot of bad things happen to him. I've been praying for God to show me what to do, to give me a sign. I know God will come through. Thanks for reading this. It really helped to write it out.

June 5, 2009
4:01 pm
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atalose
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September 24, 2010
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Makushla,

I can’t even imagine what you and your children are going through. I think it’s wonderful you are all in counseling. I’m glad you feel better having been able to write it out and share your pain. No one can tell you what to do; you and only you need to decide that.

Your concern is much warranted, there are no guarantees that he is going to stay better. Nothing that anyone tells you can ever be a guarantee especially him at this point.

I know you want to keep your family together, tell me about those 13 years, what has life been like for you with him all these years. You mentioned infidelity, how long has that been a part of those 13 years?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

June 5, 2009
5:38 pm
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StronginHim77
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September 30, 2010
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This man has alot of serious issues going on. Infidelity. Child molestation. Depression. Suicide attempt. Substance abuse.

WOW. I know you want to hold the "family" together, but your first priority needs to be protection of your minor children from a potential predator/abuser and dubious paternal role model. I don't think having them around a man who is suicidal, depressed and unfaithful to their mother is a good thing.

Remember that you don't need a man in the center of your life to keep going. You can be the head of your family. No, it is not what you envisioned and not what you want. However, you can't change what he is.

What might have happened, if you hadn't walked in on him when you did? The time he was drunk and molesting your child? Do you really want to risk a repeat?

- Ma Strong

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