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Family Involvement
November 9, 2006
5:50 pm
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lettingo
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The last time my husband had relapse it was pretty bad so what do I do? I call my mother. She is actually the worse person you can call but after all she is my mother. I told her horrible angry things about my husband and she is convinced and relieved that I am getting a divorce. I have filed a legal separation and divorce is not out of the question but to tell you the truth, I do still love him and I'm not 100%. To make matters worse, I feel like my mother and part of my family would disown me. They have no idea about addiction or codependency. They think I'm crazy. My brother who I am close to say my decision was "a no brainer". I know my family wants what is best for me but it is so hard when they really do not understand what I am up again. My mother call and check to see if I've called my attorney or done this or that. I know I brought this on and in a way I really regret telling her but then again, I did and what's done is done. Does anyone or has anyone delt with this??

November 9, 2006
6:19 pm
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cyndra820
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Hi ((((Lettingo)))),

Sometimes when we tell our parents things they develop their own ideas about our mates and friends. I'm guilty of that. My mother doesn't think my xso is good enough for me.

However, since they all appear to think that your seperation is for the best, maybe telling them you are uncertain isn't a good idea right now. You don't need the added stress of them giving you all of their opinions. What you need right now is support.

You can say to them that you know they all have their opinions, but right now you need support and love more than anything else and would appreciate it if they would keep their negative statements to themselves. If they don't, exercise selective interaction with them.

Love,
Cyndra

November 9, 2006
6:27 pm
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lettingo
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cyndra820,

Thanks for your comments. My therapist said almost the same words yesterday because it has added so much extra stress like I am 17 and shouldn't be seeing a particular boyfriend. It is true, and only the "Women Who Love Too" much would understand that what I really need is their support and unconditional love right now.

Thanks
Dee!

November 9, 2006
6:31 pm
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cyndra820
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Hi Dee,

I know it's hard right now. I think you did a very brave thing when you moved out and filed for seperation. And even though you love him, you do not have to live without the love you deserve and want. Remember that.

No, I'm not telling you what to do about your marriage, that's your decision. I'm telling you to do what best for you. Take everyone else, including your husband out of the equation.

Did your psychiatrist suggest cognitive therapy for self-esteem? I'm working on that issue and have found a wonderful book called Self-Esteem. I can find out who the authors are if you are interested.

Other than being sad, lonely and confused, how are you coping? What are you doing to papmer yourself? I like getting pedicures and am looking forward to mine tomorrow!!!

Love,
Cyndra

November 10, 2006
7:10 am
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lalasgirl
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yep. i understand. There is a great saying: Some people need to keep their feet on their own footstool!

Another thought is once you tell someone your business they always tend to make it their business. So be selective, tell only those that won't parade as soldiers for your cause but ones that will cause you to be a soldier in your own parade.

corny stuff but tell only what you need to tell...this place is a safe haven. you can be assured to tell all. I wouldn't dare tell you what to do but I can listen to you figure out what you need to do. i'm here to listen. as i hope you will with me.

November 10, 2006
11:31 am
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lettingo
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Thanks ladies. This morning my mom called pretenting she was just calling about nothing. Just as I was ready to go she said "did you call that attorney"? I threw a fit and said to please let me hangle this. She got a little angrey and said FINE. God I wish I had never told her anything. I feel so much pressure right now. It feels so unbearable at times. I feel like I can barely work today. Is this normal? I feel like I am going to have to leave work early just because it is just too much for me. I can't stand being in the situation. It making me crazy for real!!!

November 10, 2006
4:34 pm
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lalasgirl
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yep. i understand. There is a great saying: Some people need to keep their feet on their own footstool!

Another thought is once you tell someone your business they always tend to make it their business. So be selective, tell only those that won't parade as soldiers for your cause but ones that will cause you to be a soldier in your own parade.

corny stuff but tell only what you need to tell...this place is a safe haven. you can be assured to tell all. I wouldn't dare tell you what to do but I can listen to you figure out what you need to do. i'm here to listen. as i hope you will with me.

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