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Falling out of love - again.
March 12, 2007
3:25 pm
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caraway
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I am on my cycle again. I meet someone who won't totally commit to me and work hard to win them over and the minute that I realize it... I am no longer interested. I could put in a nicer more flattering way but that is the truth.

I don't consciously do this and feel awful that I do. Why would I confuse love for this need to be loved?

Cary

March 12, 2007
3:40 pm
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nappy
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Do you love yourself?

March 13, 2007
3:47 pm
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caraway
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Nappy, good question. I think so, but maybe not.

March 13, 2007
4:11 pm
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nappy
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The reason for asking is that I was the same way. Mines wasn't that they didn't want to commit, mines was I didn't trust and that was hard for me to get over.

That person could be telling me the god truth, or saying something nice to me and I would let them know right off the bat saying things like
"yeah right".
Then I would start questioning my self if I really care about this person or not.
It was always NOT! But I am learning.

March 14, 2007
8:49 am
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caraway
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nappy,

I seem to be attracted to folks who don't act like they are attainable, or are not interested in me, and I feel the need to convince them to love me.

I have had a couple of great guys who were very interested express interest and I have no desire, but when someone comes along who is distant, and not interested that is one I go for. Once I have won the battle for acceptance I seem to lose interest.

I know that this wrong and not fair. I believe that my feelings are sincere while going through the motions, but basically wake-up one day and wonder how I got here.

Cary

March 14, 2007
12:32 pm
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nappy
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Cary,
I understand what you mean but there seem to be some low level karmic connection between you and these ones that you care about, however it is more about a relationship that is less about the romance aspect and more about personal growth.
You must recognize that because of your history and your own issues, you are somewhat sabotaging the potential for a relationship to fully develop and move forward. Consider it a wake up call.
It is time for you to look at your life, both past and present, and let go of what no longer is healthy and productive to you. Your self esteem issues are amplifying your fears and it is time to address these issues head-on.
Do you think that you don't deserve to have a kind loving man?

You are far to young to be going through life as a shell of who you used to be. You've got a quiet vibrancy about you; and if you work towart it, you can radiate like the summer sun.
Learn to love yourself. Others already do.
Nappy!

March 14, 2007
1:39 pm
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atalose
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cary,

Is it the competition of it? Are you a competitive person by nature?
Do you always want to be right or in charge?
Do you love a challenge?

It sounds like the men who are unobtainable become a challenge to you. When they do respond after you’ve worked hard, the challenge is then over.

And the guys who are available and interested are not a challenge to you there for you have no interest.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

March 15, 2007
3:41 pm
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caraway
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Atalose,

I am really not a competitive person at heart, but I guess when it comes to acceptance and being wanted, maybe I am?

It is like I have blinders on and am so focused on proving something that I don't see the pitfalls along the way. I wake up one day and realize that I don't really seem to want to be in a relationship with this person afterall. This is very unfair of me, while not intentional, it still hurts the other person. I really feel like a jerk and will have to tell him soon.

Nappy, thanks for the input and the kind words... shell really describes me lately.

Cary

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