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falling apart
December 15, 2000
2:44 am
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enough is too much...
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September 29, 2010
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my life is falling apart.. i can't seem to hold on to anything anymore.. i feel so empty inside and unmotivated to do anything.. i've lost all inspirations, interest, motivations, to carry me to the next day.. i'm tired of my job. i'm tired of the people that surrounds me.. and i'm tired of myself.. everyday at work.. i lose focus on everythign i do.. i work less and less each day.. and at night. i get extremely afraid of goign to sleep.. i've been losing a tremendous amount of sleep for the past months.. i keep on getting flashbacks that would wake me up in the middle of the night.. and this would happen everynight. i'm over eating.. and is spend too much time sitting around just doing nothing. too much time at the computer.. everyne that speaks to me noticed me being grouchy and upset.. but i dont want to speak to them about what is wrong with me. i try to cover it up and hide it and pretend that nothing is wrong.. i jsut want to pack up and just disappear.. move away. but i can't do it because i care about my brother. i work for him and he heavily relies on me for his business.. but the depression is just killing me.. and i thought it would go away. but it lingers and it disturbs me everyday and night.. what should i do? i dont have any money for counseling or therapy.. and i work alot of hours on weekedays.. there is no one that i can speak to .. and i tried to keep myself occupied to remove the flashbacks that i have in my mind.. this witch walked into my life.. she used me .. she used me for her own selfish reasons so tht she feel better about herself and then she lies to me .. everything about her is a lie. and she used me for her own emotional comfort.. and i hate her. i hate her so much.. and i just cant' remove my thoughts and feelings about her. the flashbacks haunts me.. i want it to go away.. i want a new life.. and i want to be happy. i dont want to lonely.. the other night.. i went out and done something that was harmful to myself...and then i realized, there comes a point when i have to just give in and not pretend that i'm ok anymore. becuase i'm not.. i dont want to feel this way.. please help..

December 15, 2000
4:09 pm
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eve
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Hello enough,

you are pretty harsh in putting heaps of blame on your own shoulders. No wonder you seem unable to carry all this. Don't try to hold everything thogether when you can't. Try to let go carefully. Don't go on being afraid of the fear of being afraid of... .

Just you, yourself are important for the moment so take some time for yourself (not against yourself talking down on yourself)- I bet that you'll find your dear self again, even if you let go. You don't sound like you will burst into one million pieces, that's just how it feels. If you are scared of doing this on your own then get professional help. Stay away from people that hurt you for the moment - and don't blame/hurt yourself for taking care of yourself. And don't go hurting yourself - try and get help or tell us more.

I wish you the best, eve

December 15, 2000
6:09 pm
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jade21
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Hello enough,
well it sound like your carrying alot on your shoulders these days, the best advice i have to give you is you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of other people. there are counselors out there that work on a sliding scale, you only have to pay what you can affored. if your really interested in getting some counseling call around and see if you can find one that works on a sliding scale. another option is look up your crisis line numbers and talk to someone there. its not a good idea to keep all that anger and hurt bottled up inside and when you do find someone you can talk to about it you might feel a little better just to get it off your chest. and even though you feel alone you always have people here to talk to let me know how everything goes, i wish the best for you.

December 16, 2000
12:11 am
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enough is too much......
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i'm just afraid i might think too many negative things about me.. it can come to a point where i can do something negative and i'm really afraid.. i know that i get little bursting momements where i dont care what will happen to me. i will just do it.. i'm jsut so hurt under my situation... there are days whem i'm jsut smiling with my co-workes. but i often run and hide somewhere to burst out in tears.. i just damned myself becuase i let someone used me.. and lied to me.. and made me believe that i was meaningful to that person. but instead.. i was placed secondary to everything and everyone.. i just feel so hurt taht such a person so cruel can wakl into my life and wreck it..

i dont know what to do.. do you guys what kind of support groups do they ahve out there? i dont have much money..

December 16, 2000
2:34 pm
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Molly
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You sound like you are extreamly sleep deprived, which will cause all sorts of problems. Please go to a md, and get a check up, and if he offers something to help you please take it. There is no way you will think clearly when you are sleep deprived, it compopunds the anxiety. A good aid to inquire of is Ativan, it flushes out of the system over night, and is an anti anxiety RX that will help you get to sleep. After you catch up on the sleep, go get some exercise, get to a class with other people, force your self, energy creates energy. Get off the junk food, eat 5 meals a day starting when you get up in the morning to get the metabolism going, you won't be hungry, but will support the chemical changes that you need to feel better. There must be an affordable program or group in the area for you to attend, call the city, or county agencies. In the mean time, write about what ever, start a journal, try the book the artists way, it is a good start for processing just about what ever, and this will be hard, but get up and go look in the mirror, and tell your self that you are a good, and loveable person, because you are.

December 17, 2000
1:58 pm
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enough is too much.....
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i can't sleep.. and there hasn't been a night where i can sleep comfortably for many hours.. i keep on getting flashbacks of what had happened between me and that girl.. when i get the slightest thoughts of this. i would instantly wake up... the weariness in my body would lift off and i'm completely awake.. i'm really scared of this feeling.. i woke up yesterday shivering and crying at 6 in the morning from a 4 am sleep,....and it happened again today.. i just want it to go away.. i'm really scared .. i keep on reminding myself that she's a witch.. and her intentions are only for herself... and that everything that happened between us was only for her benefit.. and i shouldn't be thinking about this..i should just forget her... but it doesn't go away.. it keeps haunting me at night.. i will consider what you have suggested.. thanks ...

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