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falling apart, day by day...
April 27, 2001
12:11 am
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frosty
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September 24, 2010
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Hey everyone. Let me ask you a question: What do you do when the only people you trust or have ever trusted turn on you?
Recently, I was leaving a friends house to go home to my wife. Upon getting to my car, I found a note informing me that she had decided that we wanted a divorce. She had already consulted the real estate company about selling the house and was staying at a girls house whom I knew from high school. Simply because she didn't like the pressures of a married lifestyle and because she said that she had lost her trust in me. Since then, virtually all of the friends we had (including the ones I had before her and introced her to) have decided that I am crap on feet and refuse to speak with me. No real explanation, just that I don't deserve a second chance.
Since all this started, all I feel is anger or sorrow. I don't drink or do drugs to try to deal with it all, but I have tinkered with the idea of ending it all. All my goals and joy came from her and the dreams of a family and leading happy lives together. Now I am being forced to spin my life around because she didn't like the pressure and felt that she couldn't trust me anymore. And honestly, there is nothing I did, in my mind, to cause anything more than an argument much less a divorce and exile from my friends. I didn't cheat, hit, scream, or threaten her...ever. Now I'm left with feelings and thoughts which drive me insane. I'm alone, angry, frustrated...tired...really tired of all of this. I still love her, but she said she couldn't trust me? My friends knew about all of this before I did. What about the trust in the marriage vow, "though better or worse..."? I have no answers to my questions and instead of getting better, I'm getting worse by the day. I don't know where to go from here.

April 27, 2001
7:26 am
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janes
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Number one concern to me is your statement that all your joy and goals came from her. That's a lot of stress on the other person. You need to be an independent person too.

Why is there a trust issue?

Make your next step a counselor and maybe you can find some answers through that.

Don't end it all. Try to find something to go on for...and that is you. You had friends before her and if they desert you for reasons unknown chalk it up to them and not you.

April 27, 2001
11:53 am
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Molly
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September 30, 2010
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Championin for her, you need to fight the denial, may not be anything you can recall, but she sure has some hurt. When a woman makes a move like that she has been unhappy for a long while. Give her a little space, she can't sell the house if your on title, with out your cooperation, of course unless you can't afford the house payment. She hasn't played fair, discussing your personal issues in public, find a strong marriage counselor , get Phil Mc Graws books, and let her know that you love her and are willing to do what it takes to keep her. But she need s to language to you in a way that you can hear her. If she starts to talk do not defend, it is her experience, and valid enough to pack it up, so listen with out response no matter how painful. Then always remember actions, not words, for the future, watch the anger, don't go into well, you,you,you, read Relational Rescue, and see what insight that gives you.b

April 27, 2001
12:18 pm
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meldee
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September 27, 2010
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It sounds to me like you two had a pretty big communication problem. Maybe you should really try to figure out exactly what happend to make her take such drastic moves. In regards to your friends: I'm sure that they are still your friends too its just that they have all heard her side for a while (it seems like) and thats all they know for now. I'm sure that they are just trying to be there for her and if the situation were reversed they would be there for you too. Maybe you could call the one friend you feel closest to and talk to them about it, and on the up side, they will probably know your wifes reason for leaving. Maybe this is a time to get to know yourself better. you mentioned that your happiness was her so you should go out and try to find what else can make you happy. It is trully a time for personal growth,its a bump in the road, take advantage of the opportunity to get to know yourself better and take it one day at a time. Everything goes away with time and wether you guys get back together or not,no one can know for sure but regardless, the hurt you feel will pass with time.

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