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Facing the Truth
September 9, 2005
11:56 am
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Cesera
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One month ago I asked my fiance to move out. We had been together 3 years and it was going nowhere. I made a good decision and I believe we may even remain distant friends. But I made a huge mistake and jumped into another relationship right away.

This man was a dream. He said all the right things and made me feel like a princess. But only after a few weeks the truth started to appear. He is a major drug addict and a dealer. He probably has a family back home in Mexico. He's very jealous and manipulative. It's difficult because I feel sorry for him, I want to help him. I want everything he told me to come true...that he will quit and we will move to his house in Mexico, start a family.

Well, he said I made a decision to not be with him because I left him alone the other night when he was in his "mood". He said if I cared, why would I leave him alone. He'll call me tonight, really late, and not say a word. He'll make me worry. So I am going to see a counselor right now to make sure I am strong tonight. I have no family or friends here, I only had my ex-fiance. But I need to face the truth, that I can't help an addict and he cannot give me what I need. It just hurts so much when you want someone to love you and you know it can never be real.

September 9, 2005
12:06 pm
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Anonymous
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It does hurt. And you are doing the right thing. You know you can't fix him - and that reality hurts.

we want to believe the fantasy. we want the cinderella story.

here is a thought - you are afraid of being weak - and you are doing the right thing by seeking local help from your counselor.

can you afford a night at a local hotel? - a posh, fancy, treat yourself kind of place???

I know this sounds silly - but if you want to "not be found", to avoid his calls - cuz you said he will call - to pamper yourself.

I am thinking back to my trip to the westin hotel - the GREAT heavenly beds, the nice comfy beds, an good movie, some popcorn - a massage perhaps, a dip in the pool or hot tub - no, it's not always fun alone - but if you hide out and stay away tonite - you won't have to answer his calls - or be home when he comes pounding on your door at 2 a.m.

maybe it's a silly idea - but thought it was worth bringing up - maybe someone will benefit from it.

in any case - keep busy - work on removing yourself from his life - he sounds like a huge risk - but you know that already - you just need to work on saying no - and sticking to it.

are there any local coda meetings in town you can attend this weekend? maybe find someone there you can have lunch with or coffee??? al-anon if nothing else...

just random thoughts - stay safe and stay strong.

September 9, 2005
12:09 pm
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taj64
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Whoa. This guy is trouble. You should not be in this relationship. Especiallyl soon after break up of a fiance. This guy, loser, leave him alone because you care about yourself, not about him. Don't feel sorry for him. He is nightmare already, no dream. Please think of yourself. It hurts because you have not healed from the last one. Jumping around, only adds to your hurt. When you feel about yourself, you will attract someone better for you. This guy is only going to hurt you more.

September 9, 2005
12:26 pm
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littlesteps
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RUN RUN fast, please dont go near this man, they tell you everything you want or need to hear because they are sick ppl, they need something from you as well and its not love, for them its someone to clean up there mess.Run you are not his mother.

Get really honest with yourself, stop looking for love in other ppl, love yourself its way more rewarding, and if you make it your mission to work out how to do it, you wont want to be anywhere near men like this. Your worth it, focus on yourself..........hugs

September 9, 2005
2:15 pm
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kathygy
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What you have with this man is pure fantasy. He is offering you nothing but lies. He'll never come through with your dreams. He only says this because he knows you want to hear it and hopes it will keep you in his life. He is a drug addict and that comes with lots of hurt and lies and problems. Do yourself a favor and break ties with this man. You can find someone healthier to love you.

love,
kathy

September 9, 2005
2:30 pm
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CAMER
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key thing is he is an "addict"...and being with someone who is addicted to anything is not good...you have done the right thing by leaving, just stay calm, and know that you are doing the right thing and have a bunch of support here from us.
🙂 Camer

September 9, 2005
3:38 pm
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columbia
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Does it sometimes seem that everyone has an addiction or some major flaw?Does it seem that everyone who wants a relationship with you is messed up?It doesn't have to be that way. It takes time to become the kind of person that attracts healthier people.It takes time and a change of focus, it's Ok to grieve the loss of the hopes and dreams that you had if not the person themselves. Meantime treat yourself well. Don't accept guilt trips . Imagine the person with a bag of burgler tools trying topry into your personal space. They will try and try untill they find something they think will work. Good luck Cesara.

September 10, 2005
5:43 pm
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Cesera
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I'm ashamed to tell you that I answered his call and went to see him last night. I know that nothing good will come of this. But if he doesn't call again, I'll be ok. And if he does, he's only here until December 17, so I won't be in this bad situation forever.

My sister was talking to me everyday, telling me to come back home. I kept saying no, because I really didn't want to go back, this could be my chance to be independent. But last night I said ok and she hasn't called me all day. Oh well.

I hadn't been eating and I had to miss some work because I was so tired and weak. I read in a post about eating every 3 hours, so I am trying that today. I'm feeling a little better. And I have tomorrow off to prepare for work.

I'm trying to be strong and look for the positive. I really have a great opportunity here to do whatever I want. It's just that I've forgotten what I want. I've wrote stuff down, with pros and cons, but nothing feels right. I'm sick of making mistakes, I wish someone could tell me what to do. Unfortunately, what I have to do is stay in this miserable place and treat my depression before I make any huge decisions.

Thanks for the support and hopefully I'll be able to help someone else...

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