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Facing a single life after marriage
May 5, 2009
3:38 pm
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garner
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Hi, very new to the site. Feeling a little lost, have seperated from my husband who suffers from bi-polar depression. Having mixed feelings, from guilt about leaving him to care for himself and feeling I should have been able just to keep going.

May 5, 2009
4:12 pm
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Zebra
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Garner,

Welcome. Keep posting here. Tell us your story.

With Love, Z

May 5, 2009
4:33 pm
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garner
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Thank you Z,

I have been married for eight years, and for 4 1/2 neither my husband or I realised that his mood swings which were very extreme were Bi-Polar, so I assumed it was always something I had done or said that created them. Then after diagnosis I took it upon myself to become his prime carer as his family were either disinterested or dismissive, but last year I just ran out of steam, caring for him and running a business that I had no interest in wore me out.

May 5, 2009
4:41 pm
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CAMER
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did his doctor diagnose that he was bipolar??and did the doctor suggest medication?? and what does your hubby think of his "diagnosis" and what options he has??

May 5, 2009
9:58 pm
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chelonia mydas
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(((Garner)))

Welcome to AAC! I'm glad you have found us here.

I'm sorry you are feeling the way you are. Have you sought support from a caregiver support group? They might be able to give you real life face to face interaction.

I divorced two years ago and after the heartache subsided, I'm really enjoying life now. Sometimes I'm a bit lonely- but better that then feeling lonely and still having to accomidate another person and all their issues on top of mine.

Have you decided to leave him or are you just exploring all your options? Often Bipolar can be controlled with meds- but if the person won't take them, then there isn't much you can do.

Feel open to post as much as you are comfortable sharing.

this site has helped me bunches in dealing with a variety of issues.

May 6, 2009
12:13 am
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sunshine88
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hi garner, hugs for you. i have no experience with bipolar, but i am facing the aftermath of a breakup. i can at least relate to what it is like being all by yourself again, when you've been so used to having someone to care for.

i can imagine that after years and years of giving care, you must have gone from hopeful, to dissatisfied, to frustrated, to angry, to hopeless, to resolved, and you're out the door.

the hopeful news is that the next chapter to this long story is you will feel guilty, then you will find support (like here!), you will be enlightened, you will start to love yourself, you will start to forgive yourself, and you will start to have the resolve to live a new life for you. this time for you. and you will be happy.

you will find friends here to support you, same way i draw my strength and inspiration from the people here who hear me out, give helpful insights and all.

if you stick around, we might be able to just see you through this.

take care, garner. hope to see you again here.

May 6, 2009
1:00 am
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fantas
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(((Garner))), Welcome to the site. Bipolar is hard to deal with. I have a sister who is bipolar and when she is on her medication she does very well. However once she decides to quit and she doesn't do it often, she makes people very miserable. Had your husband taken medication for his bipolar?

It's his responsibility to make sure that his illness is under control. The family isn't supposed to sacrifice themselves to his illness, in this day and age when there are all kinds of treatment options. Had you and him tried therapy or support groups?

I wish you all the best. If you have walked away from him, them allow yourself to grieve the relationship, feel the feelings without judgement, and begin to recreate your life. Do you children with him? Perhaps too could use some therapy.

Keep posting!!

May 6, 2009
6:17 am
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garner
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Thank you for your kind words, yes he is on meds and they have levelled him out. He did go to counselling but never really opened up to them.
When we asked the doctor and the psych about support for me or how I should handle it, the answer came back it will be fine now he is on meds. its not he will always have this and i couldnt cope anymore, so i left and have been out for almost five months. I still see him as we own the business but never know if he will be able to face coming in to work. On his bad days he attempts to go to work several times in a day and never quite makes it out the door. On better days he can do about three or four hours.
Marriage is for better or worse, in sickness and health, I feel after eight years I'm a failure that I couldn't just get on with it, other people do, so what's wrong with me, that I walked out on my husband?

May 6, 2009
9:28 pm
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_anonymous
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Garner- Letting go was the right thing. All you can do is leave his recovery in his hands. You are not responsible for the choices he makes in regards to what he chooses to do or not to do with his illness.

His mental illness was not your mental illness it was his. Since you were married you could only keep going if you had a partner to keep going with. Yes you did keep going and he didnt. That is not your fault.

Let go and allow him to take responsiblity for his own life.

I want you to keep going. To keep going towards recovery.

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