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extreme self loathing
June 20, 2006
11:53 pm
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jewel
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Ella,

I just wanted to clarify what I wrote yesterday. Maybe you hate yourself b/c other people don't. I am certain you are well liked and no one hates you. I kind of answered your question with an answer on how I feel about me. For a period of time, everyone liked me(still do) and it made me feel bad because no matter what I would do or say, they still liked me. I only saw my flaws and problems and learned to pretty much hate myself and thought everyone was crazy for liking me. I also felt that I could feel however I wanted about myself and no one could take away that control so therefore I hated myself. I don't feel like that at all anymore. I got a lot better in the last 2 years since I have been coming to this site. Ella, I am truley sorry if I hurt your feelings by my original post. Also I don't think he2rt came across as insensitive. Sometimes it is hard to respond to others posts in a way the poste wants them to if you know what I mean. I know my thoughts don't come out right sometimes, but I never ever mean bad. I love everry one. Hope you are doing good today.

Jewel

June 21, 2006
1:59 am
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Mzrella,

Hej, hej it is good to see you back on the threads. What have you been doing? I am sorry you are in pain and glad that you reached out.

It is hard not liking the skin you are in. I don't know why we are so uncritical of others and so hard on ourselves.

I think we all do it to ourselves to some extent. When you are at the very darkest bottom, though, is when you have to begin fighting for yourself. Sorry to speak in metaphors, but look up for the light, and try to follow it. Focus on what has given you hope or happiness in the past and try to build on that. There is always something, some little thing, you CAN find a smile for....some blessing you can focus on.

I LIKED you on these threads when I was first opening up. You were thoughtful. And helpful. And unique. I wish BACK to you the hope and understanding you gave to me at the time. Please talk it out.

June 21, 2006
2:42 am
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mamacinnamon
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(((( ella )))))

Hope your day is goin better today. 🙂

June 21, 2006
10:05 am
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bowlinggreen
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Hi Mzrella:
Here's my take on why people hate themselves...

I look at it from a perspective of energy... for example, some people, depending on socio economic level they are from, can direct anger energy outward, and some cannot. For example, at one extreme end, when a dictator gets angry, he can slaughter thousands of people. He does not turn his anger towards himself because he doesn't have to.

Another example, a parent has some authority over disciplining a child. The parent does not have to internalize all the anger energy, they can direct some of it outwards and it is called 'discipline'.

But generally, people who are low on the socio-economic ladder don't have the means to direct their anger outwards in a way that's effective. They have to be much more creative than a dictator when they get angry. They can't just kill someone...

Also, a 'good citizen' who is low on the socio economic ladder is more likely to internalize negative energy, even direct it back at themselves, creating self hatred. But often the negative energy has little to do with the self, and more to do with frustration over things you feel powerless to change. Instead of looking at injustice and having the power to do something about it, you do nothing and direct the anger energy back at yourself.

It's not all your fault for doing nothing!!

All of our lives are regulated by huge numbers of laws. Certainly, some options that are available to the wealthy and powerful (the ones who WRITE the laws), just aren't available to you. Please realize that your self hatred may have more to do with a feeling of powerlessness which is not necessarily your fault.

Good luck and ((((big hugs))))

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