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***EXPRESS GIRL***
September 9, 2006
4:50 pm
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Jenni
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Hey, EG. So what's the latest with you? I haven't been around as much lately. Fill me in. (((EG)))

Jen

September 10, 2006
11:38 am
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Jenni
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September 10, 2006
2:16 pm
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StronginHim77
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BUMP - EG, you OK?

September 11, 2006
8:21 am
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Jenni
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September 12, 2006
7:40 pm
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Jenni
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September 13, 2006
8:43 am
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Jenni
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EG, I'm becoming concerned. I hope you are ok.

September 14, 2006
8:29 am
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Jenni
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September 14, 2006
9:00 am
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Anonymous
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(((EG))) Did you take off with lover boy? I havent been able to keep up with everybody. I hope youre ok.

September 15, 2006
8:41 am
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Jenni
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September 17, 2006
3:10 pm
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expressgirl
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September 27, 2010
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Hello,
Thank you so much for caring. To be honest I have not been ok. I have never felt so depressed and alone, not to mention fearful in all my life. He and our relationship was only part of the problem. I have come to realize that no one in my life REALLY cares about me. I have been at my all-time lowest, and not one person, not even my mother, has come to see me and if they call (or I call) they dont really want to hear or help me. I just need someone to be there for me, to help me...to really listen.

as for my ex and I...I am not sure where I left off in the saga...All I know is 1) I can't seem to let go and move on 2) I am more confused than ever 3)I still love him and want him despite everything that has happened....I cannot trust my heart. I dont know what to believe anymore. I just wish someone would listen and understand.

I sink further and further as I struggle to understand and "figure it all out".

Thank you Jenni and Sini for caring. It means more than you know.

((((Hugs))))

September 17, 2006
3:15 pm
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Jenni
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(((EG)))

I'm sorry you are still struggling with this. I hurt for you. I wish there was a switch we could use to just turn off what we feel, sometimes.

I'm also sorry that your family isn't being too supportive. That has to be so painful.

I hope only the best for you. I don't know what your plans are concerning your X, but I just hope that whatever you decide will be healthy, and not cause you more pain than you already have in your life.

Start with the things you CAN control and leave the rest up to God.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Hon. And I'm glad you checked in here, but sorry that you're hurting.

We are here whenever you need us. So don't be a stranger. We love ya'!

Hang in there, and do what you have to do! We're all behind you!

September 17, 2006
3:52 pm
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expressgirl
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(((JEN))))

You are wonderful. I have thought of you often and wished for your wisdom and guidance.

I think this is a fork in the road for me. Like how I deal with this time in my life will change me forever. I guess I am just sad that it took me until I was nearly 30 to learn these lessons.

I have come to realize in the last 3 weeks or so that I am terrified of being alone. That is the root of my codependecy and my panic disorder. But, now where to go from here? How to let go of my-ex? How to get over my fear of driving? I am at a loss. I do feel happy that I have figured out the root of my issues. I guess that is a huge step of progress.

Honestly, I need help with the situation with my ex though. He tells me to move on and let him go, but continues to call almost every other day to say in one way or another that he loves me and misses me. He is the one who wont let me go and move on. Why can't I put an end to this and give up hoping he will come back someday? I live in this torturous state day-in-day-out.

Thanks for listening.

EG

September 17, 2006
4:14 pm
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Jenni
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EG, 30 is young! It's never too late to learn a good lesson every now and then.

So you are afraid of being alone and afraid to drive. These are the kinds of fears, that if you face them and stand up to them, you will overcome them. Go to driver's training, take a course. Maybe you could see a counselor about the fear of being alone. Maybe if you deal with these issues, it will help you to deal with some of the others.

As far as your X goes. I would abide by his request of letting him go. Do not take his calls or allow any contact. Hold him to his words about letting go. Yes, this hurts, but in the end, you will realize you have taken back YOUR power and your life. And THAT is the reward for your painful efforts.

Allow yourself to do this, EG, to feel the pain of the right decisions, so you can come out the other side as a stronger and wiser individual.

Lessons hurt, but are WORTH the time, pain and energy of learning. Once you have gotten thru the lesson, a BIG relief will overcome you to know you made it and survived, and can live to tell about it.

(((EG)))sending you strength and courage you need to get thru this and see the sun shine!

September 19, 2006
12:53 am
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expressgirl
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Jenni...

Today was so hard. He and I shared soooo much and said so many things. Things that are not helpful and only make things harder.

In the end, he had the strength to walk away. Thank God!!! Nothing happened other than talking over IM. But it was what was said that reopened every door in my heart. A terrible thing for me to allow to happen.

It feels like a drug..I don't know how to "quit" him.

Thinking of you Miss Jenni! Trying to draw strength from you and your wisdom.

Love,
EG

September 19, 2006
8:29 pm
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Jenni
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(((EG)))

They are like a drug to us. It's an addiction that we need to battle just like we would any other drug, whether it be rehab, therapy or just plain ol' AMNESIA! LOL!

But the good news is that it IS survivable. We actually do live thru these things and even move forward from them.

It's all in the time that we allow to take place. Once the time is allowed to begin passing, the healing begins.

Thinking of you, too, Miss EG!! Hang in there and keep fighting. In the end, you WILL win! 😉

September 24, 2006
8:39 pm
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expressgirl
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Jenni,
I saw him last night at a friends birthday party. It was horrible! At first he came to me and was in tears telling me he was sorry and that he needed more time to sort stuff out, he even tried to kiss me a few times. At the end of the night I sat down next to him and I broke down and told him that I loved him. At that EXACT moment, his ex wife called. When he didnt answer, she called 3 more times in the next 20 minutes. It is so stupid, I realize I am like the mistress. He tells me the "i love you, I miss you, etc..." but returns home to her every night. I feel like crap. My stomach is in knots. I need to stop this cycle. I wish I had friends to help me through this. I am one of those girls who gets along better with guys, so they just tell me to forget him and move on. I wish it were just that simple.

Please let me know how you are Jenni. How are your girls?

((((((JENNI))))))

EG

September 24, 2006
8:49 pm
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Jenni
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I'm doing good, EG. The girls are also doing well. The one with the chemical imbalance is now being treated for bi-polar, as she portrays very stong symptoms of this. She seems to be reacting well to it.

I'm sorry for your pain. And I'm afraid that in the situation you are in, you would be classified as the "other woman". I'm sooo sorry, honey! And if he could do this to his wife, he could do it to you, too. Or anyone else, for that matter.

Sweetie, I would avoid him like the plague right now. The more of your time you give him, the longer it will take to move forward and heal. The process is being put off every time there is contact.

One thing that worked for me, is everytime I feel a little soft or sentimental, I FORCE myself to remember something that wasn't so pleasant. Like the issues with his ex wife, and his inability to put his foot down in some cases. Now...this no longer involves me, and I don't have to worry about what his decisions will be, regarding her and the garbage attached.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts. I've been thinking about you a lot and want you to know that you're not alone in this. I feel your pain thru your posts and I can truly empathize. Please take care of YOU above anyone else. This is NOT a selfish thing to do. It's important to gain that inner love in order to find a healthy love with another.

(((EG))) Hang in there and allow the healing to begin...

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