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EXCELLENT ARTICLE!!!!!!!
December 25, 2007
5:58 pm
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truthBtold
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I just now stumbled across this absolute gem of an article. From http://www.upliftprogram.com

The article: "Healing Depression Safely Without Antidepressants" by Bob Murray, PhD and Alicia Fortinberry, MS

Here's the link" (hopefully it will go thru)

http://www.upliftprogram.com/a.....ether.html

Hands down......probably the BEST article that I have ever read on the subject!!!!!!!

Highly recommended!!!!!!!

DO check this one out!

December 25, 2007
7:12 pm
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CAMER
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thanks Truth, will be sure to check this out 2morrow, I am too freaking full right now and going to plop down on the couch!!

December 25, 2007
8:57 pm
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truthBtold
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Camer,

Do let me know what you think!

December 25, 2007
9:15 pm
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Codi202
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Yes! Thank You!

December 26, 2007
12:15 am
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mamacinnamon
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Tbt:

I will read it, lord knows I need too, but it will have to be tomorrow. I'll probably print it out so my mom can read it too while i'm at rehab (p/t).

If ok, I'll comment on it soon as I return from the city.

December 26, 2007
12:42 am
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OK, I printed the article and it just popped out and blackened my eye. I already see a part that I know is a big problem w/ me. I think probably w/ most here also. Here it is.....

If we want our relationship needs to be met, they must be specific and concrete. For example, “I need you to listen to me, and by that I mean, look me in the eyes, wait until I’m finished talking, and then ask me questions to make sure you understood what I just said.” Now that’s specific. The other person may not want, or be able to, meet that need, but there can’t be any misunderstanding.

And if they are not willing to do that, what are they saying about the importance of the relationship to them? Is this someone you really want to be involved with? Are they reinforcing your dysfunctional program and beliefs (such as unworthiness) if they criticize or refuse to listen? The answer is probably yes. Are they part of the solution, or part of the problem of your depression?

I thought I'd throw this part out so that if anyone wants to comment on it I'd like some answers on what to do other that walk away. If anyone has any suggestions I've not read the whole article yet, but I know this is a big problem w/ me and my life at this time.

December 27, 2007
10:59 am
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What a slap in the face. I mean this is why I have always been terrified at the thought of goin to counseling. The thought of "what if I have to just walk away from my entire family" in order to get well. What will I do? Where will I go? How can I possibly live w/ no income? Which is the worse of the two evils; staying toxic or living in a tiny place w/ no income. So many of my fears are spoken about in this very article.

This article has also helped me understand my mom better. I have tears as I feel how she felt and how she could not get out of bed on a daily basis. How she cried herself to sleep after she had put all us kids down and to sleep. Little did she ever know that we could hear quite well thru the vents. I feel bad that I had such animosity toward her because she liked me less and I had to raise my siblings. We were raised to NEVER upset our mom and we are still held to it as adults by dad. My poor mom.

I think that I have handled things well because I vowed to not be like my mom. So has my sister; yet she is mom totally. Was I just putting off the inevitable?

Most excellent article. Leave you wanting more answers for sure. Good info Tbt. Thank you.

December 27, 2007
5:39 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Well, I think that maybe my biggest fear is there coz it is in my face. I see it daily and yet when I ask or say what I need I am just left in the dust w/ the excuse of "well, I have to work so hard and so many hours that I need my down time to ______. If I cannot find the time you need then that is not my problem."

Great, then my sister calls asks me something and then totally blows off what I say.

Ya know some days it seems like they'd all be unburdened if....

Sorry, am not trying to be sarcastic. Tbt... you wanted feedback, well my friend, I think the article is right about a whole lot of things. I'd venture to say there are quite a few that feel like I do if they'd want to stand up and discuss this w/ us also.

December 27, 2007
6:55 pm
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lostdreams
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Thank you tBt. That article helped put a lot of things into perspective for me.

a lot to think about.

thanks

December 28, 2007
2:16 pm
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MsGuided
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TruthBTold

I'm glad you posted this article.
It confirms many things I already knew, through reading and experience.

Meds are not the answer and are a temporary fix.

Loneliness (wether it is true isolation or not feeling connected to people close to you) is a huge cause.

"In a calm, supportive, safe environment, the depressed person has a chance to heal, and to learn new cognitive patterns. But here’s the catch: the depressed adult will have sought out or recreated in their life many of the abusive or traumatic elements of childhood. This again is not their fault, or even the result of conscious decisions. Once more, the answer lies in what happened to the brain in the first decisive six years. And it happened through relationships."

That playing out past disfunction is eveident in so many of us here. We follow a pattern that isn't healthy for us because we are acting out of our subconscious need to heal,/fix what happened.

"As you create a safe, secure relationship environment, you also undo the programming of the past. If you were programmed to seek out criticism, you require of those in your life that they do not try to control you through criticism. New connections are made in the brain: I don’t deserve to be put down, I am competent, I am worthy of being loved. If you lacked attention, you tell people in your life, for example, how often you want them to call and to be with you. If you lacked safety, figure out what would make you feel safe and make sure everyone in your life complies by those instructions."

You get what you ask for , or what you don't ask for?
Being proactive, requesting and showing those around us how to treat us is so important.

I'm still depressed today because I haven't dealt with (ENDED)some things that cause my depression.
The worse thing is that when you allow someone who isn't good for you in your life, it is HARDER to get rid of them. If you are functioning and have lots to offer then they loose so much when it is over. They will not let go! Sometimes they will drag you down, almost destroy themselves, and try to destroy you rather than seperate.

Good article and cognitive therapy is the naswer..not drugs.

December 28, 2007
10:23 pm
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A very nice article, mama told me about this. So my question is, when we're depressed and our hypocampus is underdeveloped etc, how do I start trying to make my needs met? I dont know. Its depression etc that makes it hard for me to recognize my needs. It makes it impossible for me to try to get them met and form supportive relationships. I'll print it out and read it again a couple of times, good stuff.

I also liked this article is not selling anything, or atleast I thought so. thanks for the link, truthB.

January 2, 2008
11:45 am
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truthBtold
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Everyone is quite welcome!!!!!

Here's to a brand new year!!!! 🙂

January 2, 2008
12:48 pm
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D dog
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Wow, just now read this...enlightening. Describes me to a "t". Shows why I am still hung up on my best male friend - the need for approval and attention from someone who is emotionally unavailable...just like Dad was.

What I tend to do when my emotional needs are not met is drink and isolate myself from life (just like Mom did). Which of course makes me feel worse.

Well, dammit! I really am quite damaged here. But having posted yesterday about appreciating friendships, it seems that I am on the right track. According to the article, anyway.

And, with hindsight, I actually made some progress last year...standing up to my male friend and letting him know what my needs are...he can't meet them (as evidenced by the fact that he is now calling me "a psycho" - affectionately, but I think that now that I am no longer dumbing down for him that it scares him), so why do I stay in this cycle? Gotta break it.

And alcohol is nothin' but trouble...keeps me stuck...when I quit for a month last year, I did really well. Shoulda stayed off the crap.

Well, alrighty then. Today I cleaned up the kitchen, took out trash (lots of wine bottles, geez), and even made my bed...!!! I need to work on some sort of project for MYSELF here...

Do you guys think that keeping a journal helps?

January 2, 2008
12:59 pm
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D dog
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One thing I know is that I CANNOT drink today! There's nothing in the house right now...if I just stay here and post and get thru this ONE freakin' day, I'll be ahead of the game. Got lots more cleaning to do, and a good book on the go. And...let's see...food? check! water? check! Fluffy kitty who also needs love and attention? Double check!

Ok if I sit here and BITCH about unfair life is sometimes? I have a lot of anger. I know that there are so many people who are less fortunate than me, but today I am pissed off.

January 2, 2008
1:29 pm
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Hi Everyone ,

I just read the article and I think it's great! I'm making copies and I'm going to hand it out to my co-dependancy group.

I saw my mother go through 10 years of living on our couch while she was taking antidepresants. So obviously that tells you how much "they" work. She was the reason why I never went on them.

I've had to make my own way through my depression because I knew that a "pill" wasn't going to work. Changing ourselves is a scary thing. I mean, how much of "me" do I want to keep and how much do I want to get rid of. That for me is the hard part.

I've found that most of us have to experience the proverbial "last straw" before we do anything to change. I hit mine last Aug. Joined a group and I plug along. It's not easy sometimes, but I feel a lot better in my "new life" then what I was doing in the old one. I still have a couple of old friends, but I've had to make new ones.

The one thing I like about a new year is I can start with a clean slate. My wish for all of us here at AAC is the COURAGE and SUPPORT to change what "we" want.

Much love and a Happy New Year to you all.

Hepburn

January 2, 2008
2:29 pm
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truthBtold
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A "Clean Slate" is a wonderful thing indeed!!!!

New calenders. New tooth brushes even.....(every little bit counts....)

What's that old 70's song? New Attitude???????

D Dog,

I know what you mean about standing up for yourself.

I did just that the other day and was surprised and elated at how wonderful it felt!!!!!

(I thought to myself....gee, this is wonderful. I have to start doing this more often!!!!!!! 🙂

And the whole thing about this is....that it is not only wonderful for ME to stand up for myself....but also serves as an example of how it is done in a clear, respectful manner to the one that you are standing up to on just exactly "how it's done" - you know?????

Good stuff all the way around!!!!!!!

January 2, 2008
7:45 pm
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D dog
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Well, I'm still kinda pissed off, but didn't drink today (didn't crave it, either)and just had some leftover roasted chicken and a big salad. Spent most of the day reading Michael Crichton - Prey. It deals with emergent behavior, which I found to be quite interesting - how various agents interact with one another and produce entirely unexpected results. Disasterous results in the novel - cuz it's a thriller - swarms of man-made molecules gone wrong and wreaking havoc - but the concept was right in keeping with the article. Faulty programming from the outset (childhood) + misguided interactions with outside agents (negative people and booze) = disaster! lol.

Anyway, I'm up for "re-programming" myself right now...and staying away from negativity. And alcohol - which throws the whole "system" into complete disarray and in fact, causes it to crash.

Sigh. Gonna finish the book and watch some TV...

January 2, 2008
7:57 pm
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D dog
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Just read the article again, and I gotta say, it makes more sense than anything that I have read on the subject.

I've been all around the answer for a couple weeks now - almost seems "divine" that it dropped in my lap today.

Beginning of a new journey...

Thanks, TBT!

January 3, 2008
7:24 pm
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_anonymous
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It is a great article. Thank you. Explains my brain disorder and depression. God I hate having a brain like this. But I will tell others what I need.

DEstiny

January 3, 2008
11:48 pm
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Anonymous
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Tks fr the article, I need to read it slowly but it sounds so informative and empathetic. hugs

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