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Ex-partner control and demands...zero tolerance
November 26, 2001
3:22 pm
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VHP
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My partner and I are trying to find the best route to deal with his ex-partners' control and demand tactics. We have tryed the rational, communicative, and the silent-treatment approach. Our ideas have exhausted!...Help?

November 26, 2001
4:21 pm
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Molly
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If its an ex partner, where is the problem? I assume that there must be kids involved other wise the situation would be mute. The law can help here, terrorist threats, abuse, yada yada, there are laws ya know. Dealing with a desperate person takes a war like attitude, and of course ignoring really sets them off. Don't feed into it, don't buy into it, just focus and commit, no prisoners. Like a child with a tantrum, they eventually get it, that it doesn't work, so think smarter, you'll have it diffused in no time, those tactics do not work today. We are fearless.

November 26, 2001
6:37 pm
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deshong
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Why is your partner still in contact at all with the ex?

November 27, 2001
12:55 pm
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VHP
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Thanks to all for your responses!!!
Yes, it is correct to assume that there are children involved. Our priority is to put the children at the top of the list!

Molly, we certainly like your references. Just additional concern...a desparate and a set off angry person tends to redirect their anger. In this case, it is thrown in the direction of the children. The children get confused with the up and down emotions. In addition, she fills their heads with garbage about us both to the point where the children hestitate to trust us.

November 27, 2001
1:05 pm
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VHP
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Blondie, we like your ideas because it is a step before the agressive (court for sole custody..messy). However, we live in Canada, I am sure our laws differ from yours.

Again, our concern is how are the children effected. The littliest (age 9) cried for 1.5 hours the last time we proposed to call the police on their mother.

This women knows and takes advantage of the fact that she has alot of balls in her court!

November 27, 2001
2:09 pm
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Molly
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Then that is child abuse, and perhaps the laws are slightly different, but you can get that information. Then go foreward, they need some one like you to protect them. I wouldn't let the 9 year old be aware that this is the next step, children don't understand, and the child may begin to think that they are the cause.

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