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Ex convicted of horriable crimes
July 31, 2005
6:41 pm
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Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
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shortly after my separation from my husband of four years, he left me for another women, he was arrested and charged with possesion of child porn. This hurt me very much. I had no idea he was like this. We have a son together. I haven't allowed him to see our son for over a year now on the advise of family and friends. My biggest issues now are what will my son think when hes older, will he be like his father? Will he blame me for not allowing his father to be in his life? I need advise. Im lonely, I can't trust anyone and I'm worried about my sons future.

July 31, 2005
7:46 pm
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
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Well, this is a tough one.

Yes, later on your son will probably blame you for everything you did and everything you did not do, as well as blaming you for everything that was done by other people who neither of you have met, including blaming you for global warming, the war in Iraq, the high price of gasoline, and most everything else. It's an occupational hazard of being a parent. Don't take it personally.

It is generally recognized that usually it is best for a child to have frequent meaningful contact with bot of their parents, and under most circumstances it is preferable for a child to be able to have PARENTING from BOTH parents. The strange thing is that is true even if one parent is an ASSHOLE or CRIMINAL.

So if you choose to prevent your child from having a relationship with his father, you had better have a really, really good reason for it, because that decision is usally very costly to a child. Maybe you do, I don't know. The point is you have to consider cost versus benefit to the child.

There are sometimes circumstances where it makes sense to limit contact between a child and parent, and I dont know enough about your circumstance yet to make a call on this one.

I dont know the circumstances around your ex's porn possession conviction, but I do know that an interest in child porn is often correlated with other problems, like pedophilia....

I guess I need more information to give a well-informed opinion. How old is your child? How long were you with his father? What problems were there in the relationship? Was partner abuse or child abuse a problem in your relationship with this guy? Does he have a history of other criminal behaviors?

In the end, it is your job to protect your child and to make wise decisions about fostering your child's development. It is not an easy thing.

July 31, 2005
8:05 pm
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September 27, 2010
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I agree w/ Worried Dad. I am also of the belief that it is best for a child to have the influence of both parents, but there are exeptions.

I so wish the Judge had refused my evil X access to my children. Out of spite he would undue every good thing we tried to teach the kids. My now hubby and I would say.."It takes 2 weeks to undue when evil X did in one weekend.

While my case is nothing like yours... I understand your concerns. Be sure, be sure, be sure the Judge gets to hear ALL the evidence against your ex. when you get to that stage. In the meantime... if he decides he wants to see the child or not, keep a log of any contact, cut newspaper articles of court hearings he's involved with etc. etc.

One more thing, if I may project.. I have a friend whose hubby left 11 years ago. Never any contact w/ the kids or never any visitation. Then one day she gets papers saying he wants custody. It might not be a bad idea to get a court ordered custody of your child. I am not trying to upset you or make you afraid.... he may never want to see your child. I just wanted to say. Better safe than sorry. 🙂

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