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ex boyfriend who is codependent
July 8, 2007
12:16 am
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countrygirlatheart
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September 29, 2010
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my ex boyfriend (we just broke up again for the third time during our 5 month relationship) is very codependent and has very low self esteem. part of his problem is that he doesn't feel he deserves me so we end up having all these fights so he can prove to himself that he's not worthy of me. At first I would cry and initiate contact with him because I love him and I believe he loves me. but finally today I decided I could not take his behavior any longer. I don't know how to help him and I know he probably feels abandoned right now because I haven't talked to him or initiated contact like the last few times. Am I doing the right thing by leaving him alone for good or should I just try to be understanding and help him? I think most people might say just be glad you're rid of him and don't have to deal with his drama. but I love him and I felt we had something real between us. he's notlike every other guy.

July 8, 2007
10:51 am
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Rasputin
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September 30, 2010
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Hey countrygirlatheart~

Welcome to this site! Kudos for realizing that you both have unhealthy codep relationship. Well, 1st off, I would recommend you to go to the nearest library or even order the book "Codependent no more" by Meldoy Beattie online. Then logon coda.org and find out the closest meetings for coda. Then call your xbf and give him a copy of that book and invite him to those meetings. They can be life-changing experience of which you'll both benefit from and can actually save your life and marriage if you decide to tie the knot later on.

Having codep relationship is one of the most toxic ambience that can ever happen to us, esp with loved ones.

So hon... yea: Reach out to your ex and give him these suggestions and see what he says. If he is a smart man, he would be someone who wants to learn. Test him and see what he does. If he says yes, consider yourself Very lucky. Many people simply don't want to change and consider that they have no problems whatsoever.

If sadly he refuses or says NO or is stubborn, then you're better off without him and you should consider it a real blessing that you found out the truth about your relationship b4 you get soaked in more toxins.

My best to you!

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