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Ex as a best friend
May 13, 2004
12:34 am
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annastar
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O.k, I try to focus on something, besides trying to figure out why “the mean one” would not talk to me and do my best to move on (right!) Last 10 month I spending with my “new” boyfriend, who is very caring and loving and so talented and- I would say- cutest thing in a world. Well… He is a “rock star”, has band, groupies and friends and getting too busy for me. I mean- it hard to explain. He calling me few times a day and I see him few times a week, which is good. Same time…Like tonight: he has best friend who also plays drums in his band. They spend a lot of time together and he trusting the guy 100. Now- his friend moved to live together with my b/f’s ex girlfriend. I did not like it in a first place, but- what can I do- tell them not to? So- tonight he went to his friend’s place to watch movie. And his ex is right there! I mean- she lives with his friend! What can I do about it? I mean- few weeks ago he called me when we were trying to work out some problems and told me- his problem is that he already started dating some one else and don’t want to hurt her feelings. Now- he says- he dating me and just being friendly with her. I mean- she is cute little girl- they always were friends first, but I can not pretend- it does not bothers me. On another hand- my best friend is a drummer of my band. And he happened to be my ex- we been dating 6 years ago for few month, but now are good friends and work on music- nothing personal. So- wile I doing recordings with my drummer, my b/f with his drummer and best friend and his ex girlfriend watching movies. It does not sound right, and I don’t know how to fix it. What you think?

May 14, 2004
3:00 pm
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annastar
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I have a problem here. See above. Here is how it effects us: I saw “the young one” 3 or 4 days ago and everything was so good. He loves me, he cares about our baby…Last few days he spent with is drummer and best friend who hates me, because I running side project and our drummer is even better- it is a control thing- he wants me to be gone. His other friend who is also in his band just broke up with his g/f and now single- so they have nice company. We had this “baby” problems and trying to work it out, and it just got better. Tonight they have concert and he was supposed to take me there. He used to love to bring me to each of his shows. Yesterday he was excited about it. Last night he been talking with his drummer…He called me today and say- he don’t think- he is ready to be on public with me, and not sure- his friends ready to forgive me. He feels embarrassed that he forgave me so easy. In reality- his drummer lives with his ex g/f and wants to put them back together, because she is easy to control. So- she is going to be there, and also- he has another ex who is “big fan of his band”. She never misses the show. So- she must be there as well. Tomorrow we have a tickets to National act concert and that concert means a lot to us- we been “in love” when heard them first time- “they play our song” kind of deal. I felt so sentimental about him lately- did not expect conflict at this point. But I just can’t ignore it this time and stay home tonight. I already missed like 4 shows. This one is important and if he insist- we will have huge argument. I am so upset- I can not swallow it this time, same time- if I lost it, he is not going to concert tomorrow, and- guess what- we looking on about 3-4 weeks argument. And then- he gos on tour in June…He shouls call me soon- what should I do?

May 14, 2004
9:01 pm
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annastar
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I am staying home tonight. No shows for me. Well- he actually showed up here hour before he goes play, to talk with me. The way he puts things- I can see the point about his friends, but then again- he don’t have to explain to them what and why he is doing. So- he got things his way. How can I “not let him treat me this way”? And tomorrow that big concert we were going to go. He says- “Please, please, let me take you- I planed nice diner…” I should say- go to hell and take the tickets with you, shouldn’t I? How would cool woman act? I was such a mess when he came- crying, eyes red… I can be cool tomorrow…

May 25, 2004
1:27 am
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annastar
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It is getting late- not sure I can explain it well, but here it is: We been doing very good together lately. He always calling, come visit me (I think- he is codependent to some point) Any way- everything is good, we are in love- I mean it. Sunday- after diner we trying to be intimate- like- in a meddle of it. Phone call for him, he picks up, and it his ex. (The one who comes to each of his show- see above. Last time- I did not go, but she was there- with her b/f) So- we are in a meddle of some thing, and here is she calling, and he says, “I will call you back”. So- what do I do? Do I continuing with what we was doing, do I make a big deal about it? He says- she is a friend. She is only calling once a week- it was her weekly call. Perfect timing! Wile ago he used to tell me the stories about wild sex they had 2 years ago, and that she was “playing fatal attraction” on him. And that she is sure crazy…about him. So- what do you do? Do you ignore her? Do you making big deal? Do you send him home?
Thank you.

May 25, 2004
1:42 am
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Did you talk to him at length about how much this is hurting you?
-ella

May 25, 2004
1:56 am
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annastar
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O- we been talking about it million times. He just can not deal with me with out having army of girls behind him waiting for his attention. He thinks- he will not be so cool if he don’t have them. I catch myself on doing same thing to him just to be cool- see- we both musicians, but he getting all attention now, besides- I am 7 years older…I used to be groupie for many years- in a fact- my other b/f (on and off) is in a band, and I used to go to each of his show...But I never would call him home- he has family…So- I try to do things right- I just don’t know how. If you just a friend- you will come to one or two show. She is there every time- it’s like- she says- she has rights and he need her personal support…I don’t know. I know- it his just one of his control techniques. I hate to make a big deal about it, same time- if I don’t say anything- they going to hang out next to our house!

May 25, 2004
2:15 am
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gingerleigh
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Perhaps it would make things less stressful for you to start dating someone who you don't work with, or who is in a completely different profession. It would at least be different, no?

May 26, 2004
1:21 am
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annastar
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Dating normal man, with whom I will not have to deal with all those problems. Sound like a plan. But ya know- what-I tried it so many times! The problem is that I will still want to have my band. It means 3 other guys coming in a house- not every “normal” man will put up with it. When you trying to be “popular girl”- it sure cool- you are in a band. When you try to have relationships and family- it is a bad news. My ex husband. He was big music fan. He loved all this music movement in a house. He agreed to put up with my practices, recordings, shows etc. Guys (band) got rid of him. Sure- it was my fault- I could not set priority, but- he could not survive, fighting for my attention all the time, and I tried, but it was pressure on me from guys “Are you going to bring your husband to the party again?” Yes, we were young and not smart. But. I had few normal boyfriends in a last few years. One survived with me 6 years. When we talking about moving in together…I said- you know- I going to have band…He said- well- then we need to have house with nice garage! Garage? I am not playing in a garage! I using expensive equipment I would not leave in a garage, and then- it hot in summer and cold in winter. In my house we play in a living room with air conditioner… Not sure if I am clear enough. Between my day job, school, music, and web development business, I have no time for boyfriend. If I can get my sex after practice, it is very good. Besides- in our small local entertainment world it does matter who is my b/f. He is a popular guy, he knows every one in a town and it good to be on public with him for me. I can get better musicians for a project, my guys like working with him- and him music…He is very special, talented guy- I am proud to have opportunity to have him around- it just the “package deal” he coming with- groupies, friends, lock of time and availability is a problem. So- it always choices- I guess- this is about priorities.
Thank you for reading- if you are, please, say some thing. Thanx.

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