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Eternaloptimist struggling with control issues
January 13, 2005
7:58 am
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eternaloptimist
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Things finally came to a head yesterday (I hope it's close to the end, anyway). My wife asked to come and go through all the finance crap she thought I was doing to her.

We spent three hours going through all our finances dating back three years. She was convinced I had "secret" accounts and was hiding money from her. Once all the questions were answered through understanding the bank statements, she did a 180 degree turn-around and agreed to walk away without this huge fight that has been going on the last few months.

She has promised me things like this before though, so I'm still apprehensive. There are some legal issues that still need to be worked out, and I'm convinced she is a sick person. This new attitude of hers could just be a lull in her mood cycle. Time will tell.

I'll post again if things change for the worse. For today, it appears things will work out fair for the both of us.

Eternal

January 15, 2005
12:24 pm
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bubishi76
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Hey Bro,
Just bringing this back to the top and seeing how you're holding up. Hey, she walked out on you. Whether or not you have money sitting somewhere is none of her damn business ya know?? She's trying to keep that leash on you bro. Don't give in. I know it's 'hard but she can't have her cake and eat it too. Not in this situation.
~B~

January 15, 2005
1:01 pm
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hi Eternal....and I'm going to bump this up too, hey Bubushi...how are you (((my friend in the valley))))!!

Eternal, I am glad things seem to be going ok for now, and yes,things may change with her and her mood, just know you have lotsa support here, and i wish you comfort thru all of this....keep climbing this mountain you are on...you are doing great!!!

((((camer)))

January 16, 2005
11:34 pm
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bubishi76
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Eternal,
You out there Brother??? Just checking in on you and seeing how you are doing??? Hope your still pressing on to the valley. Sure do miss you here. Let us know how you are.
~B~

January 18, 2005
8:08 am
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eternaloptimist
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Hi Bubishi!

Just as I figured, things went back to bad with her. After agreeing to everything in the divorce with me and even writing it out on paper and signing it on Wednesday night, she called me Saturday and said she had changed her mind.

I didn't mention that she had taken $1,800 out of my personal checking account without my knowledge. She told me about it on Wednesday and promised to give me the money back. On Saturday, she told me she wasn't going to return the money.

I called my lawyer and he told me she had no right to do that. I have to go to the bank this morning and see how I can get my money back. I hope they just put the money back in y account and then go after her for what she stole. It is a personal account in my name only, so I think she might get into some trouble here.

I told her that, but in her state of mind she told me her lawyer said she had nothing to worry about. I hope that is true. I don't want to see her go to jail for this. I just want her out of my life.

I'm not down about this. I just want it to end.

Eternal

January 18, 2005
10:34 am
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hi Eternal....now there are problems and yes she should pay you back the $1800...hopefully when your lawyer checks into this and see's she took the money without your consent, she will be forced to pay things back. Seems like she likes to keep you on edge and in this chaos...she must be upset cuz she never truley won you over...((my thoughts and prayers go your way)))

January 18, 2005
9:28 pm
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bubishi76
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Eternal, unfortunately we are stuck with the addage "If life was perfect, challenges would not exist. Neither would victories" Bro, she is making her own bed here. I feel, that she is lost and you will not be able to pull her back. You can't push the truck up the mountain brother. Let it roll and reach the top yourself. I'm here for you. Protect and Press. Hugs to you my brother.
~Bubishi~
~The Peaceful Warrior~

January 18, 2005
10:00 pm
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Eternal,

Thinking of you and wishing the best.You can and will survive this, you too Bub!!

Hugs,

Sunny

January 18, 2005
11:45 pm
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bubishi76
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Sunny,
Long time no hear. How have you been???? You know, I have survived and am living and doing well.

~Bubishi~
~The Peaceful Warrior~

January 19, 2005
9:26 am
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Hi Bub,

And I'm sooooooo happy to hear that! Your's was a long painful struggle, you have shown all of us that we too can get through very tough times and come out as survivors! I'm ok, working on my issues and thank you for asking! ((((Bub))))

Sunny

January 22, 2005
12:58 pm
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eternaloptimist
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Hey all!

Sorry I haven't been around the last several days. I have been busy both personally and professionally.

Luckily, I was fortunate to recover the money my wife has taken from me. I am a bit scared what might happen to her, though. The bank will for sure be knocking on her door looking to get their money back.

Just when I thought taking money from me was low, she went even lower. I returned home from work earlier this week to find she had taken all my son's video game systems and the games! When I went to her dad to see about getting them back, he told me she had sold all of that stuff. I took my son to the video game store and we replaced most of what was lost.

I am having my lawyer try to get an order from the court keeping her out of the house. It seems every time I leave, she comes in and takes something else! It's really sad.

I am convinced my wife has a serious chemical imbalance issue. I'm not a doctor by any means, but for someone to do the things she has done, there has got to be something wrong upstairs. Don't you think??????

Please don't think I'm nuts, but I feel more sorry for her than anything else right now.

Eternal

January 22, 2005
1:47 pm
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hey Eternal...has the wife ever been checked out by a doctor for chemical imbalance, or does she think she is ok???

January 22, 2005
2:26 pm
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Eternal Bro,
It's time to change those stinkin locks!! Boy, don't let Zinnie read this stuff, she'll tear you a new one if you know what I mean. ;o) Here's the deal Bro and you know this shit as well as I do. YOU'VE taken your power back and this lady is going into total overload. When mine was taking everything I said and was turning it around to make it bad, I felt sorry for her too that she was taking what good we used to have and was desecrating it. Bro, this is a different woman you're dealing with here. Like it or not, she's dealing with some primal issues on control. Stay strong. You've replaced what you could. That let's her know that it hasn't affected you (even though it did). That's good. Bro, she's busting in and taking stuff. I think what you should do is tell her straight up, you have one chance to get whatever else belongs to you (under your supervision) and then it's done. Have a cop there if you need to that way, if she comes back, it's pure trespassing. I hate that this is the way it has to be but bro, don't take any more of this shit because it's beating you down. Hey, I'm Italian, if you want I'll amke a call of two and we can make sure she "goes on vacation". ;o) j/k Keep strong bro. I hate to give tough love but DON'T make me have to call Zinnie's attention to this. You need to get back to the party in the Valley. It's all speedos and lampshades. I've got the girls making their way back too. Camer, Workin' and Amanda. I'd sure as hell hate for you to miss out. ;o)

~Bubishi~

~The Peaceful Warrior~

January 23, 2005
8:37 am
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eternaloptimist
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Camer, she has been going to a doctor for about 8 months now. He has prescribed 3 different medications, but she doesn't tell him what's really going on. It makes it tough for him to know what to give her. She goes on a rampage for 2-3 days, then turns 180 degrees and tries to make everything right by apologizing and crying. I stopped falling for that a while ago. I don't think she will ever get better until she is totally open and honest with her doctor.

Bubishi, I am working with my lawyer to obtain an order to keep her out of the house. I went to the police and they told me this is a civil matter. They told me if I changed the locks and she broke the door down to get in, I would have to buy another door because legally this is still her house. It's F'ed up if you ask me, but I can't change locks until I get that court order. I am hoping I can get that in the next week or two.

I have been keeping a daily journal since the 1st of January. My lawyer told me that should help get the order expedited through faster.

Thanks for your support, brother! As long as she stays away from the house and doesn't call me (it's been 4 days in a row now), I am down there in the valley with you. I'm not much of a Speedo guy, but I've got my bermuda's on and I just carved a huge word in the sand...FREE!!! Anybody up for a shot?

Eternal

January 23, 2005
9:29 am
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readyforachange
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Hey, eternal...glad to hear you're making progress. It's a tough road, but you need to be strong. Your son will be confused and hurt, and he's going to need you there. My son is so angry with his dad for the things he's pulled. When I read about your son's video games, it broke my heart. My STBX has disconnected our satellite TV service twice without telling us...I don't watch it, but my kids do, so he's only hurting them.

I think you are right about the chemical imbalance...rational people do not act in this way. However, there really isn't anything you can do about that, her doctors will have to figure it out and medicate her properly. You need to move on, and it sounds like you're doing everything you can to do that. Be warned though, you'll be the bad guy in some people's eyes. When I filed the restraining order, my STBX told people I had him kicked out of his house for no reason...so I get glares from people who don't know the true story. In my heart,, I know I did the right thing though. You are too.

Good luck....stay strong. And BTW, I'll pass on the shot but I will toast to your freedom!

January 23, 2005
10:41 am
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eternaloptimist
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Thanks Ready!

I know there will be people who might look at me as the bad guy, but I can deal with that. I was putting up with everything from her, but when she made the decision to involve my son in this, that changed the way I will deal with this from this point on.

I have a feeling her parents lit into her after finding out she did that with my son's games. I haven't heard from her since Wednesday, and it feels Great! I am praying that will be the case from here on out. Wishful thinking, I know, but hey! I'm an Eternal Optimist!

Eternal

January 23, 2005
5:26 pm
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hi Eternal...hope you are doing ok, and that is so great about your journal...Me too!! i just started my journal and listed feelings, and started it too on Jan 1st of this year..........and yes, i am working my way over to that sandlot, and you look mighty fine in those bermuda shorts!!!!

(((camer)))

January 23, 2005
10:26 pm
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Eternal Bro,
I'm not much of a speedo guy myself. You know, just cause it fits, doesn't make it right. I don't think the "jewels" are meant to be cramped up when there are hot chic's around anyway. HA!!!!

~B~ ~TPW~

January 25, 2005
8:00 am
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eternaloptimist
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Hi Bubishi!

You are correct. My "gear" needs some room to breathe!

Camer, the journal I started this year has really helped me keep things in perspective. I read through it yesterday and it was a good thing I did. My wife called me 5 times yesterday. I didn't answer any of her calls. There is just nothing left to talk about with her.

She left a message telling me she had the name of a mortgage company that might help me refinance. She could have just left left the name and number on the answering machine. She is purposely trying to get me to call her back just so she can tell me something else I don't need to hear. I've got her figured out.

Anyway, I'm ready to get back to the valley! Come on!

Eternal

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