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envious of my best friend
March 2, 2000
8:02 pm
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matthew
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September 27, 2010
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Several months ago I met this guy. At first, our only purpose for meeting for to have sex. Gay sex. Little by little, we started to take interest in each other, and over time developed a really strong friendship. We are best friends now. He is married, and has a little kid. I am single. I have met his wife and kid and everything is goin well. Except that he has shared many things about his past with me. for instance, he tells me about his past relationships with women, and about sex with them. Both of us are bisexuals. I don't get jealous when he talks about past men, but I go so envious when I think about him having all these heterosexual relationships. I myself haven't had many heterosexual relationships, and none of them ever invloved sex. At the same time he is my first homosexual relationship, and I hope the last one. We are really committed to stick to each other only. But I also want to get married soon in the future. It drives me crazy to think that I haven't had heterosexual sex yet. I start feeling like a loser and I start feeling that I'm not attractive enought, smart enought, stud enough to attract women. My best buddy tells me I am, and he really only wants me to be happy. But it's hard for me to watch him be his wife's husband and a great dad. I want to be a husband and i want to be a dad. And I want it so bad. I think about it all the time, and lately I've haven't been working so I have too much time on my hands. I'm 24, he is 32.

Please someone give me some good advice on how to cope or even better, overcome these feelings.

March 2, 2000
8:37 pm
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janes
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so he has what you want and you are not good enough to get the same for yourself....

If it is just SEX you want that can be purchased. But if it is a RELATIONSHIP you are after that takes time.

The media, peers and society makes SEX way to weird. Why is sex a race...a goal? To me the sex is not the point..the LOVE MAKING THE EXPRESSION OF ONE'S SELF TOTALLY WITH THE LOVED ONE is the point.

If you are not complete and comfortable with your self you are never going to find that dream you are looking for.

Gay or straight relationships are between people with the same pitfalls and hardships.

Two codependent or screwy gays (or bi's) can have as horrible relationship as two straights.

You need to find you. I found my husband right after I quit looking for him. He's not perfect and neither am I but we've stuck together for 21 years. and it's basically very good. ups and downs.

I think you need to assess just what it is you are searching for. And while you are doing that look for yourself too.

Hope this has helped a little.

(If it were me you were looking for I would prefer you be faithful to me..unlike your friend who is unfaithful to his wife) Just a personal preferance.

March 3, 2000
3:33 pm
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hgl
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September 30, 2010
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I think janes right you need to find yourself. I don't think you really know what you want. I think alot of the issue here is that he's not be faithful to you, and you can stand that there's someone else he loves. I don't think you should be so envious; any person that cheats on their other & their child has issues. Do you even want women, and do you plan on having men on the side after you get married? If thats the case I don't think you should be thinking of marriage and children. Do some soul searching and find what makes YOU most happy, look inside yourself not others.

Good Luck

March 3, 2000
3:44 pm
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matthew
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Me and him have talked since I posted my message here. He said something that really surprised me. He said that he is ASHAMED of his past and not proud of it. He also said I shouldn't try to emulate it. the very reason he loves me, is because I am not like him in that respect. We have agreed to have long and meaningful conversations about these issues and I am feeling better about it.
I do understand that I have to do some soulsearching and get to know myself better before I can embark on the path of finding my companion. that is only fair. and I know that selfconfident people are more attractive than the ones that lack it. However, I am also a strong believer in being honest and sincere and not hiding my true feeling and thoughts. Otherwise I'd be living a lie. I personally find it very attracitve to see someone show emotion and insecurity. We all have it. Our different personality tyes make us cope with it differently, but when striped down to the core of our being, we are all fragile and need loving and support of others.
I do appreciate your comments though, and am glad that you took the time to write them.

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