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Enlightened yet on the verge of losing Love
February 24, 2007
3:31 pm
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Spiritsense
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I am very new to know about Codenedancy. It seems that I have suffered with it for some time now and have been in and out of relationships feeling both unfulfilled and depressed. It was a relief to find out that there was in fact a reason for all this pain and frustration, that I wasn't the only one feeling this way. I feel enlightened just knowing about it and knowing that empowers me to make some changes in my life .....finally. Through this short time of just having learned of codenedancy I have finally had the courage to move on and break the ties of an unsuccessful relationship and have recently met someone who , although so soon after I admit, has helped me to fall in love with myself again. Someone who truely loves me for who I am .....for me. I too love him with all my heart...more than anyone I have ever known. Unfortuneatly, with my old baggage and codependant ways I have pushed my away several times with vicious unwaranted and vicious attacks. The most recent was the worst of them all. Our relationship is now hanging from a thread and I'm really not sure what to do. Since my realization of my codependant ways I have been seeking out more help and information in order to mend myself and my ways.....to change how I have acted and reacted and felt all this time. I do not want to loose what could possibly be the love of my life over all this baggage. Feeling a little lost and trying to find a way through this before it's too late

February 24, 2007
4:20 pm
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Robert123
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Spirit are you checking out any meetings in your area? Attending meetings and hearing others share there experiences can be helpful for us to recognize our own issues. Try codependents.org for a list of meetings in your city. Good luck.

February 24, 2007
4:35 pm
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gracenotes
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Spiritsense,

I was touched by your post and I was wondering how much he knows about what you are going through? Are you talking about this, talking about codependency with him? Does he understand the concepts, or is this more your thing to solve alone? I think what you do have going for you is that you are in this relationship consciously, meaning you are aware of your patterns, their effects on others, and wanting to change things.

If he truly loves for who you are, that means he loves you also even though you have baggage. We all have baggage, and I am almost sure that he does too. Maybe some communication could be made around the fears of losing him. Is he perfect? Does he do anything to contribute to the problems going on in your relationship, are you taking all the weight of what you see as a problem? It almost sounds like he is one step above you, you are down there, and I am wondering what your communication is like.

Maybe counseling or CODA meetings, I agree, would be helpful.

February 24, 2007
5:40 pm
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Spiritsense
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Thank you Robert and Gracenotes ...

I do so appreciate your advice. I will most definately seek out a group in my area asap.

I do have some good news since my initial post. Strangly enough, it had alot to do with what you (grace) were talking about. I just finished having a very long heartfelt talk with my BF. Yes, he does have some insight to my codependancy and has already told me that I should cont the realization of it and seek out more help through councelling or grps. Yes, he does truely love me, and does wish to be there the help me through this journey. He has also admited that he is not perfect and also has many issues he too does deal with.
I am feeling much better now knowing that this is the first step to healing and recovery. I am very fortunate to have found such a love that will be there to forgive the pain I have caused not only for myself but most assuredly inflicted on him. Communication, listening and always loving will be a key to getting through this all.
Thank you again for your kind words of support.

Will be in touch with updates on the journey 😉

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