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Encouragement for codependents
November 29, 2001
8:05 pm
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ms. T
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There is hope! I have been suffering in recent months as a result of my codependence. I have posted on here several times about a situation with a friend who is very dependent upon men, and who can't seem to find a good one. Our friendship was falling apart because we were like fire and powder when we were together. When it became clear to me that I could not handle my part of the problem alone, I sought counseling, and have been doing some self-help also by reading about my problem. I have recently gone on Effexor XR to help me with the depression and anxiety I suffer. The combination of these things has been a blessing. The counseling is great, and the medicine has leveled me off to the point at which I can now look at things more rationally. I must say, however, that the most valuable thing I've done for myself is also the cheapest. I bought Beattie's 12 step book for codependents and have been working through them. Today, I made direct amends to my friend for my crazy behaviors and have let go of the guilt and shame I've been carrying for too long. It is truly a wonderful feeling! If you, too, are suffering as I did, do yourself a favor and get some help; if nothing else, just buy the book and go through the steps. Let go!

November 30, 2001
3:45 pm
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lyn
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that's so inspirational Mrs.T...I too am struggling with co-dependency...I spoke with my psychiatrist yesterday and he suggested i go on wellbutrin i am already on zoloft but like many suffer the sexual side effects (libido has gone down).... i am excited to try something new because lord knows i need something... I've read many of beattie's books very uplifting i just need to learn to take her lessons and use them.. I always play with fire and i've been burnt more times than you can imagine...
It's nice to hear a refreshing story like your's it gives me hope...

November 30, 2001
5:53 pm
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ms. T
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I don't have my book with me right now to post them all exactly as they are, but I can tell you that they are very similar to the AA steps. They involve the one-day-at-a-time philosophy, family of origin work, making amends, and continuing inventory of self. There are several websites for codependents that may contain all the steps, and I'll post them as soon as I have my book handy, maybe later tonight. And lyn, you do have to take the lessons and use them. Change doesn't happen overnight, but you are in control of changing yourself for the better, and it sounds like you deserve better. Many codependents have self-esteem problems and feel that they don't deserve good things, so they settle. Taking this journey to healing from codependency is probably the best thing I've ever done for myself and those I love.

November 30, 2001
9:31 pm
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ms. T
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Blondie, basically the 12 steps for AA are the same as for codependents, except step one is to admit that we are powerless over others, not alcohol. The rest are word for word the same. What I like about the book is that each step is explained in detail, and there are stories of others' experiences with the steps. Also, there are activities at the end of each step that I have been answering in writing, and my therapist reads them to get some insight that she might not get from our sessions. Just putting my thoughts through each step on paper has made things more real for me, and the "realer" the better. I am the type of person who sees a problem and wants to tackle it, so when I saw this problem with myself, I had to tackle it head on, and let me tell you, it's been one hell of a few months. I have been on a roller coaster ride into the bowels of hell and back. This has meant learning some not-so-pleasant things about myself and learning that a person can care too much, which I never thought really possible before. Doing the family of origin work has probably helped as much as anything; my mother's control issues and codependency were the models for my behavior, and I've had a lot of resentment her control that I've learned to let go. It is really amazing. I know it's a continual process and that I'm not done and may never be, but after reaching this point, I can honestly say that I feel equipped to use the steps to help me any time I find myself in an emotional jam. I also would like to say that all you people here are great. I read a lot of the threads and your senses of humor are uplifting and some of you have given me sage advice from time to time. Blondie, you must be one unique lady to know -- yes, I said "lady" and I meant it. I hope your cat's doing well!

December 2, 2001
4:29 pm
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deshong
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Ms. T,

Thanks for the encouragement. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get it right. I have several of Beattie's books. Sometimes, I go through these up down cycles. You might know what I am talking about. Where I gain control of my life then I get frustrated and let myself go for several weeks then get inspired to grow up and be responsible.

I believe that I will one day be consistent. I needed the encouragement to keep going!!

December 2, 2001
11:51 pm
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BROWN-SKINNED GIRL
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hi. there's also another book of Beattie, "Co-dependent No More". the 12 steps i think are there and the different stages of recovery from Denial to Acceptance (which i well-appreciated).

Hope you guys out there can share some excerpts from the books you've read. Hope you can post them here cuz it would really help a lot.Also for those who have not read or even found those books, the words you post can be a source of inspiration for them...for us, for me. =)

December 3, 2001
7:11 pm
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ms. T
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I got Beattie's books from Amazon, and they had a special on Codependent No More and Beyond Codependency, as both books were combined into one for around ten dollars! Some of you might want to check it out. I also have a book of hers that is filled with daily meditations (The Language of Letting Go), and of course, the 12 steps book. Her words have been very helpful to me, and I'm glad to be able to share the source of my help with anyone who needs it.

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