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December 1, 2005
11:20 pm
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babytina
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i feel so empty tonight....bf and i had a disagrement last night over a parenting issue...i over reacted and frankly am responsable for the outcome. however, during the ruccus i made i have gotten some impressions that i just can't let go of...such as....i am not respected....the bf will not protect me from any emotional abuses from his daughter...infact he says he will make whatever decissions and interseptions that he needs to make for her and yet is not willing to validate me and my parenting position......we are not a team....Im confussed....im not respected...and i've been disreguarded....his daughter lliterally tells me when i lay down a rule that she will just go ask daddy....and you know what happens ....she gets her way6....wow!!im angry and powerless....living with another woman controlling my man is not okay with me....and he blames me for all the misshaps...i feel alone tonight and i need to be nurtured

December 2, 2005
12:07 am
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tinkrbell
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babytina

I am right there in th trenches with you. I have a 10 year old stepson and my husband and I don't see eye to eye on most issues concerning him. He plays us against each other and it causes so much crap it's unreal. He puts me in charge of the boys education yet he gives me no support on what needs to be done. I know just what you mean. It's frustrating.

You just have to keep trying to reach her through what ever means you can. And as far as hubby goes he really needs to listen to you. Your feelings are important in what's going on and if he continues to let the disrespect continue it will reak havic on your marriage. I wish you the best in your situation.

tink

December 2, 2005
3:21 pm
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Jodi
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I know how hard it is parenting stepchildren, If this is your boyfriends daughter , then he needs to deal with her, he needs to discipline her, and she needs to respect you as an adult. He needs to make sure that his daughter respects you. If you have a problem with her discuss it with her dad. Ask him to deal with the situation.
If there is a time when you get married and are her stepmother then you need to discuss with your husband what role you will play as a stepmother.
It is very important, parenting issues can lead to divorce.

December 2, 2005
4:01 pm
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kathygy
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baby,

Your bf is right. You do not have a parenting position with his daughter. You are not her mother. You are not even married so you are not even her step mother. I think it is out of line for you to try to 'lay down a rule' or discipline his daughter. All of the discipline is her father's responsibility not yours.

I was in a relationship with a man that had children and I read all the books I could find. They all say your only role at this time is 'friend'.

The daughter knows this and of course resents your attempts to parent her or discipline her. She knows that you have no authority to do this.

The only thing you have a right to is to expect to be treated with respect aside from trying to control her. You don't deserve any abuse from anyone.

I do think it is wrong that your bf allows his daughter to talk to you in an abusive way. You are in a triangle here. Triangles come with lots of problems. Step completely back from trying to discipline his daughter and see what happens. Don't try to force yourself on her. Let her come to you.

December 2, 2005
4:04 pm
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kathygy
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one more thing. you say you feel empty because you and your boyfriend had a disagreement. Why does that make you feel empty??? You need to feel whole and complete within yourself regardless of your boyfriend.

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