Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
emotional cheating...???
April 8, 2010
6:55 pm
Avatar
BAREFOOTGIRL
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Is emotional cheating really cheating? Where you spend time online with others talking bout your thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams and not with your husband or wife? What if that involves talk bout sexual preferences and etc?

I know my husband has done this to some extent and may be doing so now, I believe this for a few reasons, for one he is not wanting to be imitate with me for over a year or so now, when the opporutuity is there, we end up taking walks or going to lunch, I no longer presue it, I used to bring it up but I feel he rather not...

My husband has an identity disorder and that part of his life I do not care to share in, as he likes to be a female from time to time and I personally do not find that fun, in any way...I think he talks to others on ther internet bout this, I know he has in the past...

My question is, am I niaeve? Is he cheating on me or will he? Or is it best to try to be as understanding as possible as I have been trying to be, he is very quiet and reserved and I basically do all the talking but he will talk to me if I initate it...

Is their something wrong with me here?

April 8, 2010
7:07 pm
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

barefoot, a huge red flag is he is not wanting to be intimate for over a year....that is a loooooonnnngg time, and that sounds like there is a problem.

I don't think you are neive, but have you caught him talking sexually with other women on the internet...cuz to me, that is emotional cheating.

Have you asked him why he has NOT been intimate in over a year??? that again, is a long time!!!

April 8, 2010
7:11 pm
Avatar
BAREFOOTGIRL
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

There really are no good excuses for it, sure we have some like most couples but for a year now, nothing ever happens, I joke bout it and now I am pretty much done doing that, I think he is not sexually atrracted to me or something...

He was once on a website stating he wanted to have enounters with others like men and women or both, as long as they were caring and not crazed people, it was like he wanted everyone else, but me...

I caught him on the site, yes I was snopping and I know that was wrong, but it does not help me feel any better that I was wrong here too. I suspect he is but I have no proof as he has his own puter now and travels alot....has to for work or else he is out of job.

So that is what I am left with, thanks for your post too.

April 8, 2010
7:14 pm
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

barefoot, if he's on another website, whether its for men or women....its not for YOU....to me that sounds like he is looking for something/someone else. And I know snooping is wrong, but if you find something out of the snooping, then that raises the flag....

Have you out & out asked him *why* he doesnt want to be intimate with you? Heck, i can see going a month or so, but a YEAR, honey, that is a loooooonnnggg time?? and why doesn't he want to be intimate.........he has the answers, and is either hiding them or not being totally honest with you.

April 8, 2010
7:18 pm
Avatar
BAREFOOTGIRL
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

He has given me the usualy ones, you well I been out of town, I am tired and I guess over time I just accepted it and let it go, but now a year has passed, and before that it was like three times a year, the last five years or so...we been together maybe a dozen times or less...

When we were first married, before we had our child, we always had sex, after childbirth, it became less and less and then his desire to be female at times was made known to me, cause I caught him online talking to people.

I then said well ok, I will try to be understanding and god knows I tried but its not for me, so I said well do tjhat on your own then, I know he does when he travels but has little time to do much else, he does work very long hours at work and has only so much time...

I think it may be online emotional cheating maybe?

April 8, 2010
7:34 pm
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

does he talk sexually online to people, that you may know of.....???

April 8, 2010
7:38 pm
Avatar
MsGuided
Golden Horseshoe.ca
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 104
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

BFG.

In a spousal relationship it is like an emotional and physical contract.

Ask yourself if he is fulfilling his end of the contract? Think about the duties and responsibilities of marriage. Do you do your part, does he do his?

You are entitled and deserve physical and emotional intimacy. You deserve better answers and honesty from him. He is withholding on so many levels. Making excuses.

I don't think it's wrong to snoop under your circumstances. He OWES you an explanation. This is YOUR life too. This has been a long term problem. Sex 2 or 3 times a yr for 5 yrs> None for 1 yr> Lack of communication. His job is a way for him to avoid and abandon you.

You sound like you don't have a right to have your needs met.

He has a laptop now and be honest with yourself. Be REALLY honest.

You posted this so it means you are beginning to assert your rights. Are you willing to take it futher and stop accepting his abandonment?

This is really tough and must sadden you with everything elses you've gone through.

IMHO> He is cheating, cause he isn't giving YOU any intimacy.

How are you going to deal with this?

April 8, 2010
7:45 pm
Avatar
BAREFOOTGIRL
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am not sure how to approach this, I want to be sure that I am right that he may be cheaing on me, what if he isn't? What if he finds me not what he wants anymore but is afraid to tell me so? I been alone and hurt all my life, in all other ways he is good to me, but I often wonder why here, I know he has identiy issues, that is something I try not to think of, but I guess its bothering me some more than I must realize cause I wanted to see what others thought of this...I know he loves me, but i am not sure if he can express that to me, I watch him wathc movies and listen to music and I see him taking on a female role or relating to that and that excludes me, I think I had not expressed this right, sorry its late and I am not feeling to good at the moment, I just do not know what to do, I had barely seen him since we came back from vaca where he had to work and we tagged along but now he must go back again tomorrow for a long time, it never seems like a good time to gently breing it up.

April 8, 2010
7:49 pm
Avatar
saddoxie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Maybe you can schedule a time to have a talk with him. tell him when he is back in town on this date at this time i would like for us to sit down and talk about stuff.

Are you happy with him?

April 8, 2010
7:52 pm
Avatar
BAREFOOTGIRL
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

other ways...yes he has a good heart and spends alot of time with us as a family and is into good healthy habits and does loves us, that I do know, but I think this issue of his other self is a real dilemma for him one that he may not even want to have but feels trapped with, I sense that, I been quite bout it, but I see it, he really is a good person and has been my world to me and to us, our child too....he is the only person in htis world that has never left me out in the cold.

April 8, 2010
7:55 pm
Avatar
onlyboringontheoutside
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You mention that he has an identity disorder. Is that what is commonly called a split personality disorder? Is your husband currently under care for his disorder? Sorry if you have mentioned this elsewhere, I might have missed it.

April 8, 2010
7:55 pm
Avatar
BAREFOOTGIRL
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I guess I try not to think of things that are wrong in my life, somettime i think if I sat down adn really thought about all what has been done to me growing up and all that i am dealing with now, I have a mental breakdown, so i try not to go there too much....

THanks for sharing guys, means alot to think others care and understand and relate...nite all.

April 8, 2010
7:57 pm
Avatar
BAREFOOTGIRL
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

at times he wants to dress as a woman but tells me he is not gay but feels a sense of relief when he can do this and its not something he does in front of us....

April 8, 2010
8:04 pm
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

barefoot, yes, he may not be gay...but maybe he has "fantasy's" of being a woman, or maybe being with a man....but doesn't actually "do it"......

I just feel for you girl, cuz i know that you want to make things work, and he is pushing you away by not being intimate, only HE knows the real reason why, and I wish he would just up & out tell you.

April 8, 2010
8:06 pm
Avatar
BAREFOOTGIRL
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Maybe he is afraid if he does tell me he will lose me, he won't...I would try to make it work, a marriage is more than sex, sure sex is important but he is more important than sex to me, he is my world, thanks Camer and everyone else, I appreciate the help, take care.

April 8, 2010
8:21 pm
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((barefoot)))) peaceful nites sleep, 2morrow will be another day, hoping for a better one for you,
sweet dreams!

April 8, 2010
8:22 pm
Avatar
BAREFOOTGIRL
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thank you Camer...I am hoping for that...good night to you 2 and everyone else here too!

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
33
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111165
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
anissafield, Aemorph, CaitlynForlong, AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information