Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
Email Heartache......my heart is broken
February 10, 2006
9:26 am
Avatar
butterflybaby
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi guys,

Today I am really stuggling. I emailed by bf/exbf that I just wanted us to be friends and the email he sent me back made me very upset and hurt and now I just want to run back to him but at the same time I don't want to cuz I don't want to get hurt by him. I could really use some support right now. I am just sitting at my desk and want to cry. I hate crying at work!

February 10, 2006
1:25 pm
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}

what did his email say butterfly?

February 10, 2006
1:32 pm
Avatar
butterflybaby
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I had emailed him yesterday and told him we could only be friends..Here is what his email said:

hi, that email was a little rough and hurt a bit too.
I though everything was going well between us, i really like hanging out with you and seeing you. I
just feel sometimes that i get left out of all the fun things you do. I was especially hurt new years that
you didnt want to do anything with me. Your my gf and not wanting to spend it with me kinda sucked. And when we where talking in the morning leslie said it must have been all those drinks those guys bought us last night. I mean it just looks weird to me, never wanting to hangout and you saying that you cant be my girlfriend. You also said that if i want too see someone else i can, what is that about? I want to be with you but am not going to do this much longer, i hate breaking up and then going back and forth. If
you need time off for yourself thats fine, but should i wait for you in the mean time or what. I would wait
for you but it kinda sounds like you dont want that. You say i can see others while you deal with your
problem which seems a little weird. If i see another girl, which i dont want, how does that make me look
too you. It would just make us grow further apart, and getting back together would be nothing. I know i
have some problems that i have to deal with but am sorry and dont want you to feel like your responsible
or have anything to do with it. i would hate to loose you but seems like i already have, i just keep hopeing and waiting. If it wasnt for my bithday do you think
that we would have talked again or just kept on going without ever seeing each other. It was two weeks,
befor we talked again, how long do you think we can do this. If you want to see other guys let me know, i
will always love you and want to be with you but i dont know how much longer i can take. if you want to
be with me, that would be awsome, but if not i dont want to make things harder and more comlicated. ok, i wont bother you any more, last kiss and hug.

It really crushed me

February 10, 2006
2:03 pm
Avatar
Notsure
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

To me, from what you wrote and he responded, it sound like you broke off with him but he would really like to be with you.

So why did you break off?

If it was for a good reason then why are you upset?

Notsure

February 10, 2006
2:06 pm
Avatar
butterflybaby
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Notsure,
I broke it off with him because his drinking is to hard on me. he drinks a bottle a day and because of that we didnt have a very normal life. In the past I have been hurt many times by his drinking because he will do things he doens't even realize he is doing. I am upset because I DO still want to be with him but can't handle his drinking...and I am upset because I know he wants to be with me and that I am stopping that.

Am I crazy?

February 10, 2006
3:25 pm
Avatar
Notsure
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

No you are NOT crazy. You need to do what you think is best for you.

Unless you are continuously healthy you cannot do anything for anyone else. So more power to you.

My father drank and one time to show that he could, broke three of my mothers fingers one by one. They lived elsewhere.

I will never develop a relationship with a drinker and if in a relationship with someone who becomes a drinker (after I am with them) will end it pretty quick if they don't quit.

Be strong. Keep up the no contact.

Regards. Notsure

February 10, 2006
3:40 pm
Avatar
butterflybaby
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you for the support.

February 10, 2006
4:01 pm
Avatar
lollipop3
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Butterfly,

I'm sorry that you are hurting right now.

I would like to ask....Have you considered attending Alanon meetings?

By reading your post it seems as though you e-mailed you b/f and told him that you wanted to be friends....HOPING that he would say what you wanted to hear. Unfortunately, more often than not we don't get the answer we hoped for, ESPECIALLY when dealing with an active alcoholic.

I'm going to honest here and please keep in mind that I am doing so out of love and from being there myself. When you wrote that e-mail, you were not saying what you mean. You said you wanted to be friends but you MEANT that you wanted him to stop drinking and start meeting your needs. This is very common and a good lesson in communication. They teach us in Alanon, to "say what you mean and mean what you say". When your needs are not being met, trying to manipulate will get you nowhere. Even if it works for a while, it generally will not last. As I said before, more often than not you will not get the answers you hope for and it will leave you feeling hurt and disappointed. Instead tell him exactly what you mean. Tell him what your needs are. And "mean what you say". Set boundaries and stick to them.

Good luck,
Lolli

February 10, 2006
4:08 pm
Avatar
butterflybaby
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lolli,

Yes I have attended a few alanon meetings but i am very early on in the program only been to three meetings. I know I have much more to learn from them. And you are right i wasn't saying what i really meant. and i did get hurt. i do want him to stop drinking that is exactly what i want, but he doesnt seem to be ready and its just hard for me to deal with that.

Thank you for being so honest.

February 10, 2006
4:18 pm
Avatar
lollipop3
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Butterfly,

I KNOW how hard it is. Believe me, I do. I have been through hell and back with alcoholics in my life. Which is why I suggested Alanon.

I'm glad to hear that you are going. Those meetings, combined with therapy, have helped me more than I can say. It's been a long, hard road, and I haven't gotten there quite yet....but I'm getting there.

I wish the same for you.

Love,
Lolli

February 10, 2006
4:39 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

butterfly, I also say, be honest with him and tell him that his drinking is the main problem and that you dont think he'll be able to stop easily and so until then, you should stay away because being with an alcoholic is real bad and it will get worse later on.

February 10, 2006
4:48 pm
Avatar
overcome
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It sounds very much like his e-mail was sincere. I cannot say for sure, because I do not know wither of you, but it would appear that he genuinely cares about you from what he wrote. I also detect that there is more than what has been presented here.

What is he referring to in regards to New Years? I thnk I would have been upset if you did not want to spend New Years with me if we were "together".

And he spoke about not seeing you if it was not for his Birthday? He also seems to feel that you are pushing him to see other people?

Can you elaborate on this a little more to paint a clearer picture?

February 10, 2006
10:08 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

hi Overcome, I think it doesnt matter if he's sincere or not. He may be, but his drinking problem is still there. Thats the main problem thats keeping her away from him and she should stay away because its alcoholism.

February 10, 2006
10:17 pm
Avatar
BoneT
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I surely hope this is not butterflybaby i spoke to this afternoon I bet not only I but camer would be disapointed you did not mentoin you were a drinker yourself this afternoon you sounded like a non drinker stuck wtih a heavy drinker .I now belive you both need some real help. Bone T

February 11, 2006
8:24 am
Avatar
startingover
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Butterfly, you and I have talked before. It seems we're recent members of the brokenheart club. It's terrible, isn't it? Do you wake up crying, work until you could collapse, ignore your own needs and not tend to your children's as you could, if only BF weren't so needy? Well, you can continue to do that..it would actually be one of the better-case scenarios. You could also end up ditched for the newest model - always younger.,of course, or live the rest of your life with an emotionally vacant person, which is my form belief that addicts are..Try to do the no-contact thing. If you must respond., do it by e-mail, it's much easier to be honest, just like these forums and threads. And..someone is always there. These are good friends I have found here. and I look forward to the support here. Do something nice for yourself this weekend. Read if you like to. Plant a new houseplant. Have you ever tried a yoga tape for relaxation? Do anything to avoid wasting more time on an alcoholic. Aren't I great at giving advice? I'm at the lowest point of my life, and these are a few of the things I have tried.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
28
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111165
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
anissafield, Aemorph, CaitlynForlong, AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information