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Ella..... how is everything?
January 26, 2005
10:33 pm
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art angel
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mzrella-

I haven't posted with you in awhile, aside from your response to mine a couple days ago.... how is everything?

love,

art angel

January 27, 2005
12:52 am
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(((art angel)))-

Thanks so much for asking! That is so sweet... I'd figure I was forgotten by now. I hate to make you sorry you asked, but here goes:

Things are okay. Not great, but I'm coasting. I'm lucky to have a few semi-new friends to hang out with, which kind of gives me hope that I might not always feel so isolated.

Right now I'm VERY angry at my bf (the guy who was my ex and I got back together for whatever it's worth... which apparently isn't very much). He is in rehab. I seldom hear from him, he uses what little phone time he is allowed to talk to his domineering sister. She is doing all this work for him and promising him the moon. She and I used to keep in touch via email- but since this little campaign of hers has started (to get him out of NYC, away from me) she hasn't had any contact w/me. Gee, how transparent is that?

It's infuriating because he is saying he loves me all this stuff, but obviously it's easier for him to go through this rehab and make certain arrangements if she does all the work. She is an idiot since she doesn't realize that this will make his recovery much less important to him. These are HER accomplishments, not his. So I hope she plans on taking care of him for the rest of his life, because it seems he has her wrapped around his finger. I don't know who is worse. Right now I'm angry at both of them and just angry at myself because I can't just tell them both to go F*** themselves.

So anyway, I wasn't going to post that on here because I'm really at a loss. I don't even know what to say. Then my first bf from my hometown stopped by out of the blue and kind of rocked my world. I broke up with him when we went away to college. When I met him he was on drugs and on probation, but had a good heart- probably the kindest guy I ever dated. So he came by after 15 years is gorgeous, has two master's degrees, a total sweetheart. Naturally his beautiful wife is pregnant. I cried for a week and a half over this. It's just great how they go on to reform themselves when they are with women they think are really worth it. I feel like this bf will leave rehab, dump me become a brain surgeon and then marry someone more deserving. How sad is that?

Sorry. I didn't intend on dumping here. It was kind of you to ask how I was doing. I guess I went a little overboard.

love,
ella

January 27, 2005
2:33 pm
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art angel
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Ella,

I'm sorry about your bf and his sister. It would be nice if she could learn that you have to let other people make their own mistakes, and accomplish their own great things in order for it to mean anything. I learned that the hard way with my ex I guess.

I'm glad you have some friends to hang out with though, that helps.

Try not to think those thoughts of your bf recovering and then reforming his life and marrying someone "more deserving". Ella! You deserve someone wonderful, someone like your first boyfriend-- for whatever reasons, that didn't work out- there must be someone else out there for ya.

Plus, from the little bits of info I have heard about my ex from the last couple of weeks, I know that is not always the case-- that they reform and stuff. My ex dropped out of school (well failed out, really), is still working at the retail store where I met him, and buys beer for an 18 year old coworker. Who knows if he's still with the 17 yr old. I don't want to know. I don't really care. So, my life is getting better, while he's just.....staying still. Or maybe going downward on the spiral of drugs and stuff, who the hell knows. I just know I want someone with half the courage, heart, conviction, integrity and sincerety as I find on these boards.

Hope you have a good afternoon and feel a little better.

love and support,

art angel

January 27, 2005
2:38 pm
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Ella- honestly you have given me support in ways you don't even know and I am sorry you have to go through this shit, and it sucks feeling lost and not knowing what to do, and wanting to fix things and not being able to. His sister needs to learn to let go. And she needs to stop being so CoDep. I truly hope that she is able to realize that before any good that could have happened to him is lost.

I am thinking of you.

((((Hugs)))))
Aces

January 27, 2005
3:02 pm
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Hugss to you too Art

January 28, 2005
1:25 am
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Art & Aces,

Thank you for writing. I miss the board but I get so overwhelmed I don't know what to write sometimes.

Right now I have issues other than my boyfriend. Maybe they are semi related only in that my problems with him kicked up some old stuff. It's not his fault that I have so many insecurities.

Does anyone know of a good web site like this one that addresses body image stuff? Those are some more trivial issues I'm dealing w/now. I really thought I'd be over this crap by now. I was for a while. Now it's back. I really don't know why I hate myself so much. Everyone looks at the surface and tells me I'm crazy. I need to talk to people who understand. Maybe I will start a thread with this question.

I hope you are both doing well. This weekend when I have off I will scan the board for your threads to catch up.

love,
ella

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