Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
~Eating away at my livelyness~
July 4, 2007
12:43 am
Avatar
BeautifulEyes4Him
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

wow! our situations sound similiar (unable to let go-thread). over three years together and i've been waiting for him to come around or grow up but nothing has changed. i mean there was alot of pressure on the two of us due to having a child so young but i thought things would eventually spark back up. i did everything i could and yet HE asked ME to leave. I still don't understand and part of me wants to throw myself at him and beg to let me and our daughter come back but the other side of me is angry because he never seemed to appreciate me. Maybe completely ending the relationship now is my best bet?!? I've felt rejected (sexually and just plain ignored), ugly, unappreciated, ever since i found out we were having a baby. It's only been a week that we've been seperated but it seems so much longer and i haven't been sleeping much at all. It's wierd i have my positive days: i get my goals in order and do a little something to try and get closer to achieving these but then on the bad days i completely and utterly crumble. i cry for him and call him only to never get an answer. he says he loves me but can't seem to remember to call. i feel like he's toying with me - yoyo on a very thin string! I'm about ready to snap but i don't know if i'm ready to let go. but obviously it doesn't look like i have a choice. at first he said we could try to work it out and when i made suggestions he said nevermind this won't work you still need to leave. and not just move out but move 15 hours away where visitation is impossible right now due to finances and car situation. everything's a wreck, especially me. i want to just crawl into a hole and sob for hours or at least not come out until he returns as my protector. he used to be so good at that. now i'm lost! and i have our daughter which drains me even more physically and emotionally. I really need help. my anxiety grows terrible when i notice the sun go down and i start thinking about going to bed alone. i pick up the phone to try and tell him how i'm feeling yet i can never reach him. I haven't slept alone in over two years so right now sleep aids have become my lonely best friend! does he even care how much pain i'm in? is he serious when he says we'll get back together in october? man this stuff is crazy and i have alot to work on! Help Please- it's eating my insides heart and all.

July 4, 2007
7:29 am
Avatar
sad sack
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 78
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi beautiful eyes,

The question that immediately jumped out at me was "why would you want to go back to this man?"

Reread what you wrote. This man asked you to leave. Why degrade yourself by begging for him to take you back? Have some respect for yourself. You, yourself, said that he did not appreciate you. Is that the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with? You said his behavior made you feel ugly, rejected and unappreciated. Is this your definition of a loving man? And what is that statement about him being your protector? Gather some strength and learn how to protect yourself.

You now have a daughter to think about. She has to be your first priority. Focus on her. You sound like a warm and giving young woman. It may not seem like it now, but things will get better. Believe in yourself and know that you have it in you to make a wonderful life for you and your daughter. You absolutely do not need this guy. He has made it clear that he does not feel the same way as you do. I know how hard it is to realize that but you will have to accept that and move on.

Please, whatever you do, do not beg and plead for this guy to come back. Have some dignity and concentrate on caring for you and your daughter. Take one day at a time.

I will be thinking of you.

Sad

July 4, 2007
3:57 pm
Avatar
BeautifulEyes4Him
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sad, you are completely right. How could i want to go back to that? I guess i'm just hoping that he'll hit his head or something and realize what he's missing. or maybe at the end of this four month seperation he'll just come back, unchanged, and continue to take advantage of my loyalty and giving heart. Then all that i've worked so hard for in the four months will come to a halt and fall away all so i can try to be good enough for him. I just can't stand this unknowing. What if i let go of him now and move on independently only for him to change or grow-up. Or maybe what he needs is for me to hurt him by letting go of him. He doesn't think i'll break up with him because i have always been so needy and he used to be such a good guy. What happened? Was it because we moved in with his Grandma in NY...she is soo pampering and babies him beyond belief. I think she got too involved in our relationship. But i guess everything happens for a reason. So the final question is: Should i tell him that i'm not going to hang on anymore, waiting for the four month seperation to be over and if i do how can i handle this pit in my stomach this desperate alone feeling, anxiety whatever you want to call it? I Love him so much but i can't stand this pain...

July 4, 2007
4:35 pm
Avatar
sad sack
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 78
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi again Beautiful eyes,

I don't understand the four month separation thing. Is that his idea and why four months? In your first post, you mentioned that he felt that the relationship would not work and that you must leave. So why is he giving you a four month break period? And another thing I am confused about is why were you forced to move 15 hours away? Or did he move 15 hours away (I was confused)?

As far as your hopes that he will hit his head or something, you cannot base a relationship on the hopes that one day he will wake up and realize what a wonderful person you are.

Maybe he will change (for the better). People have been known to change. But are you willing to bet everything you have on that slight possibility? And permit him to take responsibility for his own behavior. DOn't blame his overindulgant grandmother for the way he has been acting.

You have to take the focus off of his behavior and shift it to your own. Ask yourself why you are settling for this man. Why don't you feel you and your daughter deserve better? Oh, and what kind of man moves 15 hours away from his daughter? Regardless of how he feels for you, that little girl is still his daughter. These are all things you need to be thinking about.

Yes, you will feel that pit in your stomach for awhile. But it will get better and the pain will lessen (trust me on that one). I don't know your age but from the details in your story, I am guessing that you are rather young. You have your entire life to look forward to. WIth regard to your question, "SHould I tell him that Im not going to hang on anymore?". That has to be your decision. My main hope for you is that you will gain the strength that you need to make a decision based on logical thought, not on emotional neediness.

Please keep posting. Reaching out here is a step in the right direction. This site has helped me tremendously and I hope you have the same experience.

I hope you and your daughter were able to enjoy the day.

Sad

July 4, 2007
8:06 pm
Avatar
stabbedheart
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi beautifuleyes,
I'm the one girl that posted the thread about unable to let go. Yes i see how alike our situations are. We are willing to do anything and put up with anything just to keep them with us. Truth is that they don't love us. In my situation, i know what i have to do and i hate it when i do things that show that i put myself down because of him. I know i'm so much better than him, but i feel that i love him and i want to in a way be the person i think he would want me to be. BUt in my case he never loved me, we never had a serious relationship yet i love him more than anybody in my life. IT's a sick love though, an obsession. I hate feelin that i'm not good enough for some one so i don't want to keep on with him. I have tried many times to get away from him but i wasn't able to do it. I realize that everytime i went back to him it was more painful because i felt like he used me. He was like a drug to me, i needed him i had him that made me happy just for the time i was with him as soon as i would leave i regreted meeting up with him because i knew i he wasn't going to contact me until he wanted to see me again. Over and over i went back until i confronted him about the way he made me feel, I went off on him. What broke my heart was that it seem like i wasn't saying anything because all he would say i'm not doing anything to you, you need to chill, and and click. By him doing that he turned on something in me that said it's enough i can't with it any more. It's only been 16 days that i haven't spoken to him it seems like forever to me, it's been super hard but he's not worth it. he's never done absolutely nothing for me, never been any kind of support, friend, or anything. He's a person with so many issues himself, he can't deal with his on life so what can i expect. I'm just glad i have nothing that ties me to him, just my feelins but those fade away with time. You need to look deep into your heart and you will find the answers your self. You know what's best for you even though most of the time we want what we THINK is going to make us happy. It's crazy, but some guys don't deserve a loving, caring chick. In my opinion, when guess don't show you any feelins and don't want you around is because there's others girls in their lives. I had a boyfriend, while i was seeing this other guy i was so focus onthe this other guy and i stopped caring about my boyfriend. I used him i asked for breaks all the time,i treated him like i didn't want him, i never cared about all the pain i was causing him. All because i had someone else. I just hope you find the strength to move on and choose to whats best for you and you daughter.

Take care and good luck.
Stabbedheart

July 5, 2007
2:55 pm
Avatar
BeautifulEyes4Him
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The four month seperation thing was his idea...and at first he said he didn't see us getting back together, but of course being who i am i freaked out and cried and begged. even thinking back about it now makes my chest knot up. then we finally calmed down and i told him that he could'nt leaving me dangling, he wasn't giving the seperation any sort of goal or end date. so i asked him to compromise. we decided that october 14th would be fitting because he wants to at least finish off the summer in NY and i didn't want to be left hanging for more than 6th months. Therefore october 14th was decided=our four year anniversary. But each day that goes bye and he doesn't call, each time i watch my daughter walking around calling for her daddy, and each night i go to bed crying and hurting i am less and less prone to the idea of getting back together! This IS unhealthy. I need time to focus on myself-no matter how bad this hurts, how much family cuts me down, or how lonely i feel. I decided that i needed to stop calling him...so everytime i feel like picking up the phone for him i call someone else, anyone else! I'm trying to let go. Maybe he just needed some space to grow-up and then he'll come back to me. I know i needed the space to become whole again! He was a great daddy...i miss that about him being around. when he did make the effort, i would sit and watch them play it was so nice... oh damn now i'm all choked up again. I'm just trying to do my own thing now-let him think/do whatever he wants. I'm going to do what i need to make the hurting stop, to be distracted for now.

July 5, 2007
8:22 pm
Avatar
sad sack
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 78
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Beautiful Eyes,

I am glad that you have a negative reaction to the thought of you begging and pleading with him. It seems that he set that four month date to pacify you just as a mom would quiet a crying infant.

ANd really now, do you think he is going to grow up in four months? My exbf (my son's dad) is in his 50's and he has yet to grow up.

Granted, he may "play" nicely with his daughter. But does that make him a good father in your eyes? If he was such a devoted father why did he move (or force you to move) 15 hours away? Does he make an attempt to visit with his daughter?

I am glad that you feel now that you need to focus on yourself. I am proud of you. That is a huge step. My fear is that he is going to come back and snap his fingers and you are going to come running. Please resist the temptation to do so. Please surround yourself with supportive people. Read self-help books. Keep posting here. Do whatever it takes to gain awareness and strength.

Please keep in touch. Like I said, when you feel like contacting him, you could always come here and express how you're feeling. I know it will be hard at first, but I know you can do it.

I wish you the best.

Sad

July 7, 2007
3:35 pm
Avatar
BeautifulEyes4Him
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

so today has been a terrible day!! I hadn't heard from him in four days so i slipped up and called. i was angry and it's just been growing so i needed a release. anyways he called me back when he was ready and i let him have it. i told him how i felt like he had me and his daughter on the back burner. i told him how it wasn't fair that he dropped all responsibilities and was just out there screwing around not even making any effort to get back with us. he kept saying that he didn't want to do this now and he was going to hang up but i told him, no yelled at him that he better not. we fought i just kept asking him why he wasn't making any efforts in his life. he said he didn't know and denied the constant partying and fooling around. He said as soon as he gets his car fixed he's going to come see his daughter and he said that i better be at my dad's. i told him that it was none of his business where i am at, he doesn't care or if he doesn't he never shows it, EVER. i told him he was immature and that i wouldn't hold my breath for the day when he finally comes to see his daughter...he said don't make it sound like i'm not worried about my daughter. i told him again that if he is concerned about being a good father he surely doesn't show it. he kept making up excuses of why he had to go he didn't want to deal with it but i wasn't finished i needed to know "why" but i suppose he'll never be able to tell me. Maybe i did the wrong thing but i just needed that release i need to let go and move on without worrying if he's going to want me back or not...it's over! now i'm hurting so bad...i'm having trouble thinking, seeing, breathing. i know i need to sleep but i can't bring myself to lay down. he's been ignoring me and he says that after two years of trying to make it work he was done - HE NEVER TRIED!! I was always the one trying... I'm so upset so confused so sick. i feel like i'm being ripped apart....HELP!! I need to be able to be there for my daughter but i feel like my insides are exploding, i feel like i could blow-up at any moment but i'm just so exhausted...help.

July 7, 2007
9:42 pm
Avatar
sad sack
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 78
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Beautiful eyes,

I am so sorry that you had an extremely rough day. I can tell that you are emotionally exhausted by the confrontation you had with your bf.

From what you described, it appeared that you had a lot of anger pent up inside of you and that it all came out during that phone call. Like you said, you needed a release.

No one can say whether it was the wrong thing or not. You did what you felt you had to do at the time.

I know you are hurting, but the reasons you are hurting is what I am confused about. Do you regret having that converation with him? Do you feel that it was a mistake or do you feel it served its purpose? Do you feel upset at yourself for losing control? What exactly are you confused about?

It is understandable that you would feel so distraught after that phone call. But you have to try to get yourself together for your daughters sake. Do you have any friends or family that you can go to now? I think it is important that you be around supportive people right now. Is there someone who can possibly take care of your daughter for a few hours while you talk to a friend or relative?

Please keep posting here. I know the weekends are usually fairly quiet on this site, so don't give up hope. Keep reaching out. Hopefully, the more you communicate, the better you will feel.

I will be thinking of you.

Sad

July 8, 2007
3:14 pm
Avatar
BeautifulEyes4Him
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i'm upset because i feel like i pushed him away even further. I'm confused because the last two years he never made an effort to show and love or effection. I'm pissed off because he doesn't care that it's over and he won't give me any reasons as to why he doesn't care or want to try any more.
my family understands, and they help me out with her when i need to get on the phone with a friend or even my ex...
I'm also upset and dissapointed in myslef because i relaize that i took him for granted almost as much as he did me. I'm upset because in this last year i never told him i was happy with him, even on those rare occasions when i really was happy.
God help me i still love him! But he doesn't seem to care about me at all. He doesn't even seem to care about knowing how his daughter is doing even tho she is struggling too right now. she knows something is missing. she calls "daddy" when she wakes up in the morning-i mean she stands up i her bed and screams his name. she picks up my phone and pretends to call daddy and the only thing i can think to tell her is daddy is working. i can never get a hold of him except for sometimes when he is working but now his grandma (who is also his boss-they own there own business) says i can't call that number anymore. she knows that i can't reach him any other way. she is honestly interfering and causing more pain. i wish he'd get out of that place.
his dad, grandma, and him all live on the same property. his dad is an alcoholic, addicted to cocaine, and smokes alot of pot. My ex admitted to me that he now smokes pot 2-3 times a day and i'm starting to wonder if he's doing coke now too. he would do anything to try and form a bond with his dad. he told me before i left that he wanted to try and straighten up and become the man that Cadie and i needed-not the partier and slacker that he has been. but what he failed to realize is that he can't change that if he is in that enviroment 24/7.
My ex says he wants to figure out visitation. he told my best friend to call me and tell me that he will call me when he is ready to work that out. when he does call i'm going to tell him that he can't have visitation until he cleans up. and my daughter will never go back to NY (where he is at now). He'll have to move to toledo with his family there or something. maybe then we'd have a chance of making it work but for now it's completely broken off, we're not together. i can't stand to be left hanging...

July 15, 2007
12:47 am
Avatar
_anonymous
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 8
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

If you were unhappy and pushing him away that is his fault for smoking pot and doing who knows what else. When people do drugs they have different priorities than people who dont. Drugs and his father who supports his habit is what he is married to now. That is not your fault. The question is not if you love him but why you dont love yourself. You should not allow a person like this in your life or your childs. You need to cut all ties. This person does not care about you or his child because he does not care about himself and is engaged in destructive behavior. All of his drug doing, bonding with his drug addicted old man BS are his issues and are irrelevant to you. You need to cut all ties with this druggie.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
27
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714257
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information