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dying of aids
September 24, 2000
9:12 pm
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golden
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September 29, 2010
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My sister is dying of aids and I havent seen her for a year. I cant bear to see her and she is getting sicker.
Is this the wrong decision?
It hurts me so much to see her like that, she is also using on the streets, she refuses to take care of herself.
I did the whole thing, care taking her, getting her a place, calling her doctor, getting her on meds and methadone, then she repeatedly got herself thrown in jail. It hurt me to see her caring less for herself than others did.
She screamed at me last xmas when i asked her why she was killing herself, i wanted to get through all the bs and get her to open up and heal, she called me a bitch and told me the disease was killing her, but I believe otherwise.
I am angry with her, grief stricken for her and i feel sorry for the pain that I am going through and will go through if and when she passes. I cant bear it. I have been so much loss and suffering this past five years, i just dont want any more. Any suggestions?

September 25, 2000
6:12 pm
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weasel44
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dear golden,

I have lost both of my parents and I do not talk with one of my siblings. My sister is like yours all but the aids. I can't have a relationship with her no matter I may try. If your sister is dying maybe she doesn't care how people who love her feel. I'd say to you to pray and ask God to help her. Be there as you can but the best and most powerfull thing you can do is to pray. You will feel better immediately. I do this every day I can and It helps me. I say little prayers all day.

September 25, 2000
8:56 pm
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mcc
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September 27, 2010
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Dear Golden, It sounds like you have been a very loving and devoted sister. I really feel your pain and frustration and it sounds a little bit like your sister has given up hope and figures since she is dying anyway she might as well use. Everyone faces death in different ways but imagine the shame and guilt she must be feeling. Our society really stigmatizes those who suffer from HIV/AIDS. Just a thought but the drugs and street activity might be the only thing that helps her block it out. I'm not saying this is good but it might explain her behavior. Pray for her and maybe call around to find a support group for yourself. She may not ever accept your help but that is not a reflection on you but the way she has chosen to deal with things. Good luck.

September 26, 2000
11:12 am
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Cici
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Golden,

I remember when I was addicted to drugs I was very cruel to my parents and siblings, not because I wanted to hurt them but because they loved me and it hurt them to see me hurting myself.

The thing is, no one can help an addict until they seek out help. I was trying to run away from problems that i still haven't revealed to my family, two rapes and an abusive relationship.

My sister, who is the calmest most accepting person I've ever known, was there for me even when I was at my worst, stick-thin and completely out of it. I think what helped her the most was that she didn't try to change me, she knew that could only come from me, and she just listened when I talked to her and never tried to judge me. Even now I appreciate her so much for her support.

Viktor Frankel, a Jewish psychologist who survived years in a NAzi internment camp and lost his wife, his work and watched his friends all die, said "the only thing a man ever owns is his ability to chose his attitude within any given situation." This means that we each chose our attitudes, we chose to reat with anger or with fear, we are not passive in accepting our emotional reactions. We do ahve control.

You're feelings are valid, but don't let the anger take control of you. Listen to your heart. Your heart will tell you what the right decision is. You can be angry at her fo rdestroying herself or feel compassion for her plight. Ghandi taught us that you can love even the enemy who seeks with all his might to destroy you. For through love you destroy his hate.

September 26, 2000
12:35 pm
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lover2000
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Golden,

Keep your head up, it's going to be all right. You have been a very loving and devoted sister and all you can do is continue to love her. It seems to me that she is having trouble dealing with her present circumstance. It may be that the reality is just too painful for her to confront. I understand your feelings completely because I had a loss in my family earlier this year. And from personal experience, I can tell you that eventually it will be all right. It may be impossible to see it right now, but it is going to be all right. Now, I don't know what you believe and I am not trying to force my beliefs on you, but I am a strong believer in God, and I will continue to pray for you. And remember, keep your head up and God loves you and so do I.

Lover2000

September 26, 2000
9:45 pm
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Molly
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God bless you, it is so hard to watch, and I have watched many, and with the return to my clinic, it is so sad the ones that are not there are dead. It takes so much out of you to care for people more than they care for them selves. Just love her the best that you can, it must kill you to see her, and watch her choice , but it is her choice. If you can why not set up a date to meet her and buy her lunch with out the lecture, just pure, Jesus type of love, share with her what you can, and always let her know you are there for her CONDITIONALLY, enjoy what you can, and take care of your self, there is so much stuff behind her actions, that you will never understand, so just love her while she is still available, and you just never know when the miracles start to happen, and you just might be there. But other than love and be there, that is it, it is her choice. Love and prayers to you.

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