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dying inside...
February 10, 2004
7:05 pm
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whyme85
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Not sure if any of you remember me or not from a while back. I posted about my friend and I being in bad relationships.

For those of you who dont know me I was in a very verbally abusive relationship not to mention physical as well in high school for 3 years up until November 2003 when I broke it off with him. Since November we have not gotten back together but we sure acted like we were. Flowers, gifts, sex, kisses, i love yous, and just waiting for the right time for us to be together again. We both wanted to just be friends and wait for the right time. This has been going on for 3 months mostly because I didnt want to get back together with him or I wasnt sure. Recently I have felt strongly about wanting to be with him and trying to really make things work. I love him so much its crazy but I love him so much. I dont like to give up and I dont like to always live life wondering if I made the right choice.

Today we were talking about just stuff and we were talking about getting back together and he had to be an ass and bring up what would i do if we got back together and he started partying again and went up to FSU to party and spend time with his friends up there without me. We went through this before and we broke up over this because I dont like to party, drink, live the typical college lifestyle. He has told me time and time again I am more to him than partying and he stops all the time when we are together. Why does this always happen? He keeps going back and forth. The same words he told me today I have heard from him 15 times in our 3 years..."I dont want to be with you right now , I dont see myself with you right now , I feel like I am missing out on my college years, I want to hang out with my friends more, I dont have fun anymore....blah blah...and then in a week or 2 he will call me wanting me back because partying isnt worth losing me. I have been there done this with him at least 7 times! The thing that boggles my mind is up until about yesterday or 2 days ago he has been bringing me flowers, bringing me gifts, and being sweet to me and being better than ever...then out of the blue this happens.
WTF IS GOING ON? I am losing my mind right now crying harder than I have ever cried before feeling all alone and worthless. I hate myself, I hate my life and I hate him for doing this to me. I blame myself in some aspects and I just hate this. Please somebody help me. I just know this time its over for real. Not to mention we have college class together 2 times a week. WHAT DO I DO?

February 10, 2004
7:33 pm
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LCV
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Whyme-
If he has not acknowledged his previous verbal and physical abusive behavior to you, then you SHOULD NOT go back. It will all start all over again. You are so young, you DO NOT need to be with ANYONE right now, let alone a guy that has hurt you. You do not have to put up with that!! NO YOU DO NOT!!!! He is just being "good" to regain control of you....do not let him back in..please do not

February 10, 2004
10:06 pm
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zack
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whyme 85 i agree with LCV- this is a cycle that is obviously getting worse not better. i do not claim to be an expert but i do work with people involved in these situations and have to say that the eternal question is why people stay? i say people because i have seen men go through this to although not as common. this is a big game he is playing and please do not misinterpret me but you are participating in the game. you are young ,full of life, smart, -remmember this when you wake up in the morning and ask yourself if you truly deserve that??? the answer is clear. this is all easy to say - no person needs that in their life. hope this helped zack

February 10, 2004
10:14 pm
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Kody
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Dear Dying inside,
I got involved with a man who was wrong for me at 17, I married him at 23. We were married for 22 years and I was always wanting him to be more availble and kinder to me.He was a workaholic.

5 years I got involved with another men. More sensitive, more charming,
but still not available to me the way I wanted. I thought I couldn't love anyone more than my husband, I did, but that still didn't help the situation. We have ended our relationship at least 8 times a year for 5 years.

Please, don't do what I did for 27 years. Find someone who treats you well and get support to love yourself.

February 11, 2004
2:04 am
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Zinnie
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Hi Why,

First of all, you sound like a very mature young lady with a good head on her shoulders. We should all be so lucky.

I'm glad you see him for what he is. But, honey, if he is not addressing the abuse issue and that is getting help not saying I'm sorry then don't go back. As stated above, it will only get worse.

I had one of those when I was a freshman/sophmore in college. I got out. We grew up in the same neighborhood so occasionally I hear gossip about him if I talk to someone from the old neighborhood - I moved out of state. He has put ANOTHER one of his wives in the hospital. He has been married many times. I thank God the day I said "no more." Not that I knew exactly what I wanted, but I knew that was not it.

You are a young lady. You have a whole life ahead of you. You sound as if you have so much to offer any man lucky and worthy enough to be with you. Got that... THEY will be fortunate to have you. Uh... by the way, I have a nice 22 year old son...

Please take care of yourself.

Zinnie

February 11, 2004
11:00 am
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gingerleigh
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Ya know, I have to agree with your ex on this... (what!!!) No, seriously, he says that he is missing out on his college years. Well, what about you? Trust me, when you look back on all this in 5 or 10 years, you will want to kick yourself for tying yourself down rather than focusing on your schooling, experiences and friends. Besides, this guy hardly sounds worth what you would be sacrificing (your youth).

Not all breakups have to be ugly. Next time he says that he doesn't see himself with you or some such nonsense, maybe just calmly agree. And let the break be for good. The relationship can't be all that wonderful if it's a constant push/pull I love you/I don't love you thing. There is enough ambivalence there to give you many reasons to detach and place your focus elsewhere.

February 11, 2004
11:07 am
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Anonymous
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I agree with Ginger - College is the time to figure out about you, not you and someone else, you know. Find you what you like, the things you can do by yourself or with your friends, he basically has you where he wants you, he goes and parties, gets tired of it, and comes back to you because he knows you are there waiting, I dont mean to sound harsh but that most likely is what he is doing, while you sit there and wait, I mean you are more than that, have a life of you're own, and you will find that maybe you enjoy things more without him, than with him.

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