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Dying from Anxiety
November 26, 1999
11:37 pm
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Silly
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I had a nervous breakdown almost three years ago. I couldn't eat or sleep for about three days. My body shook uncontrollably the entire time and that is why I couldn't eat or sleep. I ended up in the hospital from dehydration. The doctors gave me a tranquilizer so I could stop shaking so I could eat and sleep (and gain a little weight because I lost a lot in three days). I've been on paxil since. I have tried to get off the medication because I don't want to be dependant on it, but every time I stop taking it, I shake and start getting dehydrated again. I am on the lowest dose of paxil (10mg). Why do I shake? It doesn't stop and I can't live that way. Is there any hope? Please have the answer for me, because doctors say you can't die from anxiety and I almost did.

November 27, 1999
3:32 am
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Hi Silly...

As someone who's studied a lot of psychology, I can tell you that the doctors are part right and part wrong. It's true that you can't die from anxiety itself. You CAN however, die from some of it's effects. Anxiety puts strain on the heart and the immune system. It can also cause serious illness in the way that you described, preventing you from eating or drinking. I have a question for you. Did you get more than one medical oppinion about your condition? If not, I would suggest that you go and see at least one other medical doctor so that you can be sure that your condition is not caused by some other neurological disorder. If you are suffering from anxiety, you will probably have to stay on Paxin at least for a little while. If it's a sure thing that you are suffering from anxiety, I would suggest seeing a counselor of some kind. This could help you to learn better ways to cope with your anxious feelings. If you can figure out what exactly makes you feel anxious and then learn ways to cope with these things, you may be able to eventually free yourself from having to take paxin. I would not try to take myself off of the drug without medical help though. Doing so could be dangerous. Anyway, good luck to you, Silly and let us know how everything goes for you.

Sincerely,

EssEmm

November 27, 1999
11:04 am
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Thank you EssEmm

Thank you so much for answering me. I'm glad someone who knows something about this agrees with me because about four different doctors told me not to worry, but it's beyond my control. I will see someone else and try to start from scratch because as soon as I tell a doctor that another doctor said that I have anxiety disorder they just say, "Ok. That must be it." and they just send me home with the paxil. Maybe anxiety isn't the problem at all because when I shake and stuff, I am calm mentally. But it's also weird that such a low dose of paxil is keeping me healthy. My doctor says that this low dose shouldn't be doing anything at all. But anyways, no one has ever run any tests other than a blood test, and they always come out normal. What condition could I have that a microdose of paxil fixes, but that same dose is a reason why I can't let myself get pregnant when I get married? Please consider this.

Thanks again EssEmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

November 27, 1999
1:26 pm
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Four Doctors diagnosed anxiety disorder and didn't do any medical tests??!! On the first day of abonormal psychology class in college, you learn that before you diagnose a psychiatric disorder, you need to eliminate possible medical causes. I think you need to see a neurologist and have some tests done. As for such a low dose of paxil working when it shouldn't, have you ever heard of the placebo effect? Basically they've done studies where they've given people sugar pills and told them that it was medication. Several of the subjects reported alleviation of symptoms even though they took nothing more than a sugar pill which should have had no effect. It could be... It just could be that the pills are having an effect because of the power of suggestion that they have. I still wouldn't take myself off of them yet but get tested by a neurologist to make sure that you're suffering from anxiety. If it turns out that you are, find yourself a good therapist who can help you talk through what might be making you anxious. Also, have you talked to your doctor about things you could do if and when you decide to get pregnant? If not, you should. He or she may know of some options that you are not aware of. Sometimes doctors have a tendency to give you the run around when it comes to answering questions but be persistant. That's part of what you're paying them all that money for. :o) Hope everything works out for you.

November 27, 1999
5:01 pm
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Dear EssEmm,

My gosh! Thank you again for answering my call. You are God sent!! I will definitely go to a neurologist. Hopefully, then, I will get some answers that will help my condition instead of hiding it. I will pray for you to thank you. Have happy holidays!!!

November 28, 1999
4:04 am
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Hey There Silly... Glad you found my little thread. Now you know a little more about me. Anything else you want to know?? Let me know. Congradulations by the way on your engagement. It's great that you've found someone to share your life with.

Cameron Diaz, huh? That's really cool...I love her! I've been compared to Chris Elliot before which isn't too cool but I guess it could be worse. I guess I could look like Keith Richards or Jabba the Hutt or something like that.

Anyway, I live way out west in Oregon. About 50 miles from the Pacific Ocean. I like the Northwest and hope to live here forever.

It's good that you have a conscience though. A lot of people don't. Sounds like you already have a bit of a handle on what's causing your attacks. Now you just need to try to figure out how you can cope with those circumstances without shaking... I think a good counselor could teach you some breathing and other relaxation techniques that may help. Even if you do have more of a medical than a psychological problem, relaxation can work wonders.

Well, I'm going to go to sleep now but keep in touch, k? I really like talking to you... :o)

November 28, 1999
10:45 am
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EssEmm,

It's so good to hear from you! I was so excited that I made a friend over the computer that I couldn't sleep last night. By the way, if you look like Chris Elliot, we were in "There's Something About Mary" together.:) Anyways, I have always thought that Chris Elliot is just soooo cute. I don't have an E-mail address yet, but I'll give it to you when I get one. I am very new to this computer thing. It's fun. You get addicted to it. It's fun to just sit here and browse through the web. Isn't it great to work with kids?! I work in daycare with the 4 and 5 year olds. Well, actually, I did work at Kindercare for a month, but they didn't train me so I quit. I applied at this other day care that is... get this... right next door to Kindercare.:)! For some reason the lady in charge really liked me. When I came back to drop off my application, she said, "Oh, I am so glad you came back! I was afraid if you didn't come back I couldn't get a hold of you because I forgot to get your name and number." WOW!! Talk about trying not to blush!! She totally flattered me! Well, today is Sunday and she said that she'd call me Monday or Tuesday for an interview. They were really busy last week because of Thanksgiving. Did you end up spending Thanksgiving with your family? Tell me all about your Thanksgiving and whatever else you want to BS about. I can not wait to hear from you!!

Your friend, Silly

November 28, 1999
9:05 pm
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Hi...

You really think that Chris Elliot is cute?? I've never heard anything like that before. I think he just looks like a normal guy. That's really cool that you feel that way though.

Anyway, yes I did end up getting to go home for thanksgiving. It was really cool to see everyone back home again... I really miss being there. It's amazing how you take things like family and friends for granted until you don't have them right there anymore.

Good luck on the job. Hope you get it...

Have a good night...talk to ya later...

November 28, 1999
10:11 pm
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EssEmm,

Hello. How are you? I wonder what the time difference is between us. SO tell me about your favorite movies and food and music and what you like to do. I don't have time to write right now but I am glad you wrote back. Hope to hear from you really soon.

Your buddy Silly

November 29, 1999
10:43 pm
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Hi Silly...

Okay, Favorite food: Pizza and Seafood but not pizza with fish on it. :o)

Favorite Movie: Forrest Gump but I've watched the Waterboy about 10 times now so I think it's probably a close second.

Favorite Music: Anything by Aerosmith but I have a wide range of music that I like. Basically anything that's not 98 degrees, backstreet boys, or en sync is cool.

I have a lot of things that I like to do. I love hiking, camping, working out, going to movies, listening to music, going to the beach, and of course, being an internet geek. :o)

So what about you? What's your favorite book, movie, food, cartoon character, spice girl, etc??? What do you like to do in your spare time? Have you heard anything about that job yet? Hope you have a great night. Talk to ya later...

P.S. Do you have your e-mail address yet?

November 30, 1999
7:42 am
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EssEmm,

Hi, buddy. My mom hasn't figured out how to give me an E-mail address yet. I'll bug her again today; she has the day off. The stupid day care center never called. I wonder why.
My favorite movie actually is The Neverending Story. I just love the adventure of it so much. I like the movies that you like too. I mean, they're not just OK, but I really like them a lot. I love love love comedies. The things that really get me going are when a character is oblivious to what is going on around him and he's just being clutzy, like in Naked Gun. I love The Color Purple and other long dramas. I love a lot of movies. I worked at a video store for almost two years and got all my movies for free. I just don't like the gang movies. Like in music, I hate hip-hop and the black and black-wanna-be cry-babies and rappers. It's all non-sense. I love Aerosmith, and I am not just saying that to agree with you. I am crazy about their stuff from the 80's and early 90's the most. My music loves are a wide range. I write music myself. I play piano (I teach it on Tuesdays). I have an electric keyboard with an electric box that hooks up to it that has over 140 different sounds and 16 tracks. I wrote about 30 songs so far. I have had writers block for almost 2 years though. I hate writers block. Anyways, I couldn't tell you what my favorite book is. I haven't read a book I didn't like. In the past year I have read a lot of books about the Catholic faith. They're intreguing (I spelled that wrong, didn't I). I wanted to be a writer all my life. I think that I have a really good imagination for it, but I guess I got discouraged in high school when I was no big deal to my English and Creative Writing teachers. They loved my peoms though. I couldn't tell you one though because I threw them all away. That was dumb of me, but I used to do really spontaneous and stupid things. My favorite cartoon is Ren and Stimpy all the way. They are so silly. I love them so much. I have two favorite foods... spaghetti and strawberries. If the strawberries were grown well, I could eat them every day, and I do eat spaghetti almost every day (it doesn't show, though, thank heavens). Well, that's an outline of my favorites.
I could bore you with every detail of my life, but I won't. I will tell you something interesting though.
I was adopted. I have background info on my parents, but I still don't know what my father's nationalities are. I know I am at least half German. Anyways, I was supposed to be adopted in the first couple months of my life, but the courts went on strike and they lost my file (so I am told by my mom). I stayed with my foster parents for 11 months. When my adoptive parents finally got me, I was so attached to my foster parents that it had a really big emotional effect on me. I would cry everytime I was around heavy women who wore glasses. I had horrible nightmares as a kid. I used to dream with my eyes open. Everything that I would look at would come really close to me, then really far away. I got so good at dreaming like that that I could make things I would look at come close and go far when I was wide awake. Well, when my mom started going to work when I was in elementary school, I always mysteriously got sick. That is when I started having my panic attacks. In high school, my parents would go on vacation and leave me the house, and for the most part I was OK, but there were times when my panic attacks got so bad I thought my heart was going to explode. I don't know what I am going to do when she dies because I can't get a handle on my fears. I guess I'll just have to load up on the meds. I have this horrible fear of when something happens to my fiance (let's call him JK). I think I would freak out so bad that I would die. My mom thinks I have separation anxiety. I think she might be right. It is so far deep into my subconscience that I can't calm down though. Well, there's a little more info on me. Sorry I wrote a book for you.
Read ya, you big pal :0) Silly

November 30, 1999
10:12 pm
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Hi Silly...

How's it going?? Hey, don't worry about writing me a book. I love books. Yours is really interesting. I really hope that you won't have to load up on meds. One big thing I've learned from studying psychology is that too many doctors write a prescription for anti depressants or anti anxiety pills or whatever and send people on thier way. You should really try hard to take as little medication as possible. I think you should really explore other options. Find yourself a good counselor to talk to about your fears. You can learn physical and intellecutal ways of dealing with your fears and you may not need drugs as much as you think you will. Medication can solve problems but it can also create problems of it's own.

I do see a lot of seperation anxiety in you. It explained a lot when you told me about your foster parents. At that age a forced separation can be really traumatic. You told me about being separated from them and then in the next paragraph, you told me about being afraid of your Mom dying and of something happening to JK. I see a connection there. Do you see it?

Anyway, the bottom line is go talk to somebody. It's expensive, it's time consuming but so are some of the problems that overmedicaton can cause.

On a lighter note, I love spagetti too. I wish I could eat it everyday. I tried to cook it for the first time about a week ago but that ended in disaster. It tasted awful. I used this really retarded sauce and it was all gross.

I'm almost afraid to tell you what my favorite cartoon is. I actually have two of them now: Beavis and Butthead and Southpark. I have that kind of sense of humor and I haven't decided if that's a good thing or a bad thing yet. I love the naked gun series too. I find a lot of different things funny but I think the thing that really gets it for me is stupidity. Things like Beavis and Butthead and Dumb and Dumber where the characters are totally stupid just crack me up. I still laugh at road runner cartoons because the cyote is so stupid.

It's kind of a funny thing about the Neverending Story. I watched it when I was a little kid and I thought it was the greatest movie ever made. Then about 2 years ago I rented it again and brought it home. I was all excited because I was going to see this really cool movie that I hadn't seen in years and years. I put it in and started watching it and I HATED IT!! I don't know what happened but for some reason, I went from loving it to hating it. Go figure.

Okay, I'm gonna go but how's that for a book??? Hope you have a great day... Catch ya later...

EssEmm

December 1, 1999
7:18 am
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EssEmm,

Hello. I get so happy when I read from you. Right now it's about 6:45 a.m. and where you are it's 3:45 a.m. Well, I agree with you about the medication thing. That's why I only take 10 mg. of paxil. Doctors are always trying to put me on medication and I'm always refusing. About the thing you said about The Never Ending Story, I had an experience like that. It was with The Last Unicorn. I loved it as a kid, then I rented it when I was 16 and thought it was so gay. But what I did is watched it again. The more I watched it the more I liked it. Now, it's one of my all time favorite movies. JK and I spent all month watching Dumb and Dumber and National Lampoon's Vacation. So far I like your taste. About spaghetti, you should get Prego Meat Flavored sauce. It's the best. I tried making sauce from scratch once and it ended up a total disaster, but I kept trying and finally got it right. Well, today I have a doctors appointment with my psychiatrist. He actually thinks I'm on 20 mg, but I have been breaking them in half since July. Today I am also going to call a music store and see if I need any written documentation saying that I can be a piano teacher. If I do, then I have been teaching illegally; if I don't, then I am going to go to the elementary schools and have them post a note about me if anyone wants piano lessons. Then, today, I am going to apply at this one place I applied at before but didn't get the job because it had to do with typing and at the time I could only type about 16 wpm. Now I can do 50 to 60 wpm. I need to start making money or JK and I will be in the hole when we get married. Both of our vehicles are falling apart. We need a place to live. We have a huge family, so there are a lot of presents we have to buy. We just about got that covered though for now. My Kindercare checks went a long way. When someone frickin' hires me, which I hope will be soon, then I am going to trade my car in for a '99 Taurus. Yeay! JK's got two vehicles: an '87 Mustang LX and '89 Jeep Comanche. My mom doesn't understand why no one will hire me. Maybe I'm just not applying to enough places. I only apply to one place at a time.
I spend the night at JK's almost every night. He goes to work at 6:30 before anyone gets up, so I end up leaving before anyone knows that I am there. His dad would freak if he knew how much I spend the night. Last night we listened to Love Letters by Elvis. I love that song so much. JK is a big Elvis fan. He loves oldies. I love them too, but I lean more toward Dire Straits and Fleetwood Mac and Depeche Mode and Bob Segar and a whole bunch of other artists. Well, I should shower. You know, I hate showering. I do it all the time, don't get me wrong, but I just hate it because then I have to reapply my make-up and blowdry my hair which takes about a half hour. All through junior high and high school I never wore makeup or did my hair. Guys told me that that was what they liked about me. But I wear makeup now (not a lot at all) just because JK's sisters are all so beautiful and I get jealous because I don't think I am that pretty, even though everyone says I look like Cameron Diaz. As a matter of fact, I kind of think I look like her, and the more I see it, the more I think she isn't that pretty.
Well, I have to stop myself now. I can't wait to hear from you.
Silly Willy (I used to call my guinea pig that)

December 1, 1999
11:13 pm
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Trust me Silly, Cameron Diaz is very pretty. Especially in "There's Something About Mary". I don't know what you look like but believe me, if you look anything like Cameron at all, you are very pretty. You're also really sweet so stop cutting yourself down. JK agrees with me there or he wouldn't be engaged to you so that's 2 votes to 1 saying that you're a real catch. Sorry! You lose!! :o)

Hope your appointment goes well. I think you should tell him what you've done with your meds and why. Tell him (or her?) that you're concerned about becoming addicted and that you want to have children eventually and see if he or she has any suggestions.

Anyway, I'm gonna get going but I'll talk to you later...

Seeya...

EssEmm

December 1, 1999
11:18 pm
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PS... I really like National Lampoons Vacation too. I own vacation, christmas vacation, and european vacation. Vegas vacation sucked. Clark Griswold is such a cool character though.

December 2, 1999
12:42 am
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EssEmm,

Hey. I own Vacation and European Vacation and I asked for Christmas Vacation for Christmas. I agree about Vegas Vacation and about Clark.
My fiance is really jealous that I have a male friend who is around my age (JK is 30) on the computer. After telling him a million times that there was nothing to worry about and let him read everything, I finally told him to get over it because he was still mad. Gee, you don't plan on coming to my house and sweeping me off my feet, do you? I don't know. He hates the fact that most of my friends are male. Girls just don't like me for some reason. Well, we still have a few problems. I like to get to know people and be friends with other people too. My only friend right now is JK, and that's great because he's my best friend and I love him so much and wish to never live without him, and (notice it's not "but") I love talking back and forth to you. I look forward to it, but it's not like we're having an affair. See how guilty he makes me feel. It feels like crap, but he said that he'll get over it. Right now it's 12:30 at night, but where you are it's only 9:30. I am watching Change of Heart. I hate this show. These people are so insensitive, rude, and they are stupid. If they weren't stupid, they wouldn't be on the show. JK didn't want me to spend the night tonight, so here I am writing to you. I hope I didn't make you feel awkward (did I spell wrong). Well, I will also wake up in the morning and come straight to the computer to see if you wrote back. In your one thread you said that you didn't want to talk about your problems because you figured that your roommate didn't want to hear them. I want to. Tell me. Also, just for my own curiosity, tell me your hair color, eye color, height and weight, if you don't mind. You don't have to if you don't want. Just in case you ask me, I have light to medium straight, healthy, shoulder-length brown hair. I have green eyes and my facial features are just like Cameron's. I am about 5'4" and 115 pounds. My teeth are white and straight (I had braces). I don't smoke or do any drugs (except paxil). Oh, I asked my doctor about seeing a neurologist and he said I could if I wanted, but if it were something else the paxil wouldn't be taking care of it. Write me a lot because I love reading you.
Have a good night. Silly

December 3, 1999
3:54 am
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Hi Silly...

How's it going? That's kind of funny about your fiance getting jealous. Does he realize that I live waaaay out in Oregon and have left the state like 4 or 5 times in my entire life? Just tell him that he has nothing to worry about. Sure, I try to meet women online but not here. I have other places that I go to to do that (like the Oregon Chat rooms). I come here because I like to see what other people are going through and share my problems.

Okay, so let's see. I'm about 5'9 160 with thining (although I'm trying desperately to save it) red hair, blue eyes, and a good body (I think) even though it's not as good as some and it's gotten kind of soft since I haven't been able to afford to go to the gym or to eat right. I'm not fat though because i have a really high metabolism. I have really light skin which is another thing I don't really like. I have to be honest with you Silly, I don't really like the way I look. There is a lot I would change. I'd give myself darker hair that stayed in my head and didn't fall out, I'd give myself darker skin and bigger biceps. I can't make my biceps grow no matter how much I lift and eat. When you give me your e-mail address, I'll send you to my web page so that you can see a picture of me.

Anyway, you want to hear about my problems, huh? Well, okay, you asked for it. Problem number one: I have no money. In fact, I have less than no money. Fred Meyer is threatening to sue me over a bad check, I've been turned in to the collection agency a couple of times since I've moved here, there is no food to eat, I've had a piece of bread for dinner for the last 2 nights along with some eggs and some canned vegetables last night. My job is okay. I like working with the kids and the volunteers but I don't think my supervisor likes me very much. This is the first job like this that I've had and I've made some pretty major mistakes and I think she thinks I'm either lazy or incompetent so I'm living in constant fear of getting in trouble with her. I have no friends here. I started seeing this girl and I really liked her but then she started not returning my calls or my e-mails. Then over Thanksgiving she sent me an e-mail saying "I thought I'd hear from you sooner so I e-mailed her back and tried calling her again but I haven't heard from her since and I think she's playing games with me which is nothing new because my love life has sucked from day one. I've never had a girlfriend, kissed a girl, or even held hands with a girl silly and I'm 23 freakin' years old. Isn't that sad and pathetic?? I really think it is. But let's forget that I don't have a girlfriend here. I wish I could at least have a friend to go do stuff with once in awhile but the only friend I have is some bi-sexual chick that I met online who wants to dress me up as a woman!!! I kid you not. She scares me. So anyway, I'm beginning to wonder why I ever moved up here. It's just been one disaster after another ever since I moved and that was back in early august so you can imagine that I'm starting to wear down a bit. So anyway, that's my problem. I'm a very stressey person to begin with so I'm a real basket case right now. Okay, I'm done whining. :o)

You may not necessarily need to see a neurologist. I think a lot of your condition has to do with anxiety but it probably wouldn't hurt you to have a complete physical if you haven't recently. Also, I don't want to come off as saying that Paxil is going to kill you or that it's totally evil. Some people have to stay on a drug their whole life and there are worse things that can happen to you. It's a pain in the butt but I knew a girl in college that has to be on anti-depressants and you would never know it. She was one of the coolest, nicesest, prettiest girls on campus and after she told us that she was on anti-depressants and would have to be for the rest of her life, I still had a major crush on her. I would make sure and get a second or even a third opinion though to make sure that it's really necessary and I still really think you should get counseling because drugs do a good job of covering up the symptoms but they don't make the real problem any better. That's why psychiatry has not replaced psychology. It's true though that sometimes people need to be on medication to get the most out of life. The trick is to do it safely and use as little as possible while still getting the effect that you need.

Anyway, I guess it was my turn to write a book this time. It's like one in the morning now though and I'm tired so I'm gonna get some sleep. Have a good night. Can't wait to hear from you agian. Tag! You're it...

EssEmm

December 3, 1999
11:27 am
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EssEmm,
You're so silly. You know what... JK is a great looking guy (there is a reason I am telling you this). He was 27 when I met him (I was 18). We met on a co-ed softball team. He was 5'10" and 165 lbs. He had brown, short, but wavy hair that was starting to recede and blue eyes and freckles and a George Washington nose. He was the funniest guy on the team. He made me laugh all through every game. I liked him so much, and it was going to take a lot to get him because he was so shy. But I am Miss Personality, so after worming my way into his life, I made him fall hopelessly in love with me. Guess what... I am his first girlfriend! And this is no loser we'er dealing with, neither of us. He was just so shy that every slut was too impatient to let him get past it. And, just to make HIM look better, I am no ordinary girl either. Now, first of all, I never blow my own horn, but because you're a million states away and because I never get to blow my own horn, you are the lucky person to hear me brag. JK got himself an extremely good looking girl (I hope you never get to see me to differ). Everyone asks me out, even the shyest of guys, even pretty girls. If you lived here you would probably ask me out too (I hope). See, I am pretty, but it's the personality that does people in. Gosh!!!!! This is disgusting. I am never going to brag again. Never!!! I'm gonna puke!!! Please don't hate me for this. See, a lot of people, people I know, people I don't know, tell me that my attitude is so much like Cameron Diaz's in There's Something About Mary. I don't even try. You know what though. I get compared to Cameron Diaz so much that it started getting on my nerves a half a year ago. People should start telling her that she's a lot like me. At least I don't bleach my hair.
My point is...... you are going to end up with this amazing girl who is going to love you so much that you will never ever ever be able to recover. Even if it takes the rest of your life to find her. Oh, and don't do what JK did. Don't go to the strip bars and massage parlors and lose your virginity to a stripper while you are waiting for the girl of your dreams. And don't look for the girl of you dreams in those places because you won't find her there. It breaks my heart knowing that I am JK's first girlfriend and first love but he did it with a stripper like a month before we met. He just got sick of waiting though and lost hope. But I can guarantee that if you so something like that you're girlfriend will be upset, even though it is in your past. And just for moral sake, this will really impress your girl. Don't have sex until you get married. That way, if you think you are going to get married and have sex and something happens (anything could happen) you won't have your virginity any more. Don't let ANYBODY talk you out of your virginity! Always have it for your wedding night, that way you know you are giving it up to the most special person in your life, and your wife will be so thankful that she'll probably burst. It is the best gift you could ever give anybody. Unfortunately, I gave it up when I was 16. I did it just to do it because I thought I was going to kill myself. Then for a period in my life I ran out of morals and did it with everyone I liked. I hate hate hate myself for that. I would do anything to be a virgin again, but I will NEVER be one ever again. You don't know what you have until it's gone, and unfortunately, most of us don't listen to good advice. You know, it only lasts for minutes when you do it, and it will make you feel dirty for a lifetime.
Well, I hope you won't judge me for having a huge ego for a few minutes. I take it all back.
I hope that some of the things I said will help you. The reason JK is so jealous is because you never had a girlfriend and that attracts me to guys. But he doesn't have to worry. I hope you can experience true love. It'll blow your mind. And being in true love makes it really hard, really hard not to have sex, but hold out. Be strong. Once you do it, it weakens you and you won't be able to not do it with someone you have feelings for. Just say no. Let your first time be on your wedding night, because if it's not I promise you that you will regret it!
I will come back with my moms e-mail address. She said I could use hers.
I care about you, Silly

December 3, 1999
11:35 am
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Silly
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EssEmm,
The e-mail address is [email protected]

Give me yours!!! Then we will find out our real names! How exciting.

Silly

December 3, 1999
2:58 pm
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Silly
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EssEmm,

Please don't e-mail me. I'm sorry. It has nothing to do with you. I wouldn't want JK to be writing to a girl even if he was never going to meet her. Sorry. I feel to guilty. I won't be writing any more and you don't have to respond because I will not be reading it. Sorry again.

Best of luck to you and your life

Silly

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