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DTEE someone help me with this
January 26, 2005
6:36 pm
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Anonymous
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So I just got an email from Mr. Jack and he wants me to help him fill out some lawsuit paperwork and he says he doesn't understand any of it.

My first thought was butterflies in my stomach and then i think

I asked him for ONE month to leave me alone and get over him and he doesn't even respect that enough.

Is this just ploy?

Do I ignore him or what?

January 26, 2005
6:45 pm
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DTEE- where are you?

January 26, 2005
6:53 pm
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DTEE
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Aces....Ignore him. You asked for a month....take the month. If you answer him it just tells him you are right there for him. Don't aknowledge his request. he has others that can help him with that.

January 26, 2005
6:54 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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I agree with DTEE....DON'T contact him. He is toxic to you. Please don't.

January 26, 2005
6:56 pm
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I am not going to I am just angry that he couldnt even respect me enough to give me a month of not having him in my life. And I hate that I feel like if I do ignore him I am the bitch and the vindictive person. But I am not going to respond. I have been doing so much better right now.

January 26, 2005
6:58 pm
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DTEE
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Aces...this is no different than me asking for space from my ex and 2 weeks later she call needing to talk to me. I call her back and she wants to return my clothes? I had to tell her they weren't important. She could keep them, give them to charity whatever. I should have never called her back......You shouldn't either. Youve come to far in only 6 days.

January 26, 2005
7:01 pm
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DTEE
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Don't feel like you are a bitch or vintictive. He's the asshole here. He is the one that didn't respect your wishes. You are not in the wrong.......Hang in there.

January 26, 2005
9:51 pm
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msguud
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DTEE - please answer this for me. Why is it you guys don't want your clothes back and you say to throw them out? I don't understand that. Or maybe I do. You just don't want to come back for them because (a) you don't want to see the girl, or (b) you really do want to see her but don't trust yourself to not stay. I hate it the way guys can just walk away and never call again, like the person meant nothing to them. What's up with that? Can you give me an answer? I'd really appreciate it.

January 27, 2005
1:07 am
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DTEE
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MSGUUD....Its not that I am walking away and she actually means the world to me. I specifically told her I was done. She asked how long until we could talk. I said probably a month. She has had the clothes for months. I've never said a word about them....After 2 weeks she calls leaving me a message saying She NEEDS to talk to me about something please call as soon as you can.... I call ans she said she had my clothes and wanted to return them.... Well she knows where I live and could just drop them off. She could have respected may wishes and called in a month with this emergency. She did offer to give them to her brother and have him give them to me. I said, we don't need a go between. You asked if I saw her I wouldn't want to leave. There is alot of truth to that..... We have had a pattern in our relationship that this would most likely happen. I would love to have a relationship with this girl. I just want it to be a healthy one. My feeling on the returning of the clothes was just to start communication, seeing each other and start the pattern. I would rather have her call and be honest with her feelings. If she wants to see me.... say that. If she wants to talk....
say I want to talk. Also, she knows what my feelings have been for her because I've told her. I hope this answers your question.

January 27, 2005
9:51 am
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msguud
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Hi DTEE - thanks for answering. Sounds like neither of you can really let go. That's exactly what I am doing with my guy. (see gambling boyfriend on here). He has left for the fifth time in a year. There's lots of problems with him, but he has told me himself he flies off the handle, stomps out, then waits at the truckstop to see if I will come. I never do. Then about a week and a half later I miss him so much that I call him and we hook up again. This time I cut off the 1-800 phone line (he can still call my other two phones) and I haven't heard from him for nine days now. I'm still hurting so bad. I threw out what clothes were left here and the little things he bought me. I feel guilty about that. I feel like now we have no connection. I always kept something so he would have to ask for it back.

I found out I'm co-dependent. So one of CODAs things is to not listen to other people and do something that makes you happy. Well, I didn't listen to anyone about him and did what made me happy, hooked up with him again, three or four times. Saw all the warning signs, chose to ignore them. I thought I was happy with him. I WAS happy with him. He has his own issues, tho, and I can't keep phoning back and inviting him back. I know I have to let it go for my sake, but I'm still in so much pain. It was easier to quit drinking and smoking than do this. I want so bad to call...... I can't for my sake. Life with him will go nowhere. He's told me twice before that he checks his phone every day to see if I called, etc... Then WHY DOESN'T HE CALL ME? Please answer that from a guy's perspective. It's always like a standoff as to who will call first. I'm not doing it this time because maybe this relationship is going nowhere and maybe it is toxic. No, not maybe. It is if he keeps leaving in a split second over nothing. Gambling is his lover anyway. My counsellor told me that gambling is his wife, you're just the mistress when he has time and no money.

Well, if nothing else, thanks for listening. I appreciate the opportunity to vent on here, which reminds me, I better make a donation today.

For now, I will get myself up and get to work (I work from home, so I just have to pick up more work from downtown) That's another problem, gets lonely working at home.

Bye for now - thanks for all your help.

January 27, 2005
10:09 am
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DTEE- well he kept texting last night. I finally responded, I should have turned off my phone, but no I responded and lied and said I hadn't gotten his email and what did he want, no response. So oh well. I do feel that I went back a little but then again I don't feel that because just because I did respond, doesn't mean I want to talk to him, much less help him which I won't do. Like you stated, if he really wanted to see me and talk to me he didn't need to use something so lame as to help him out, and if all he wanted was for me to help him out then he is a bigger asshole than I gave him credit for. I don't want to play the game, me the game player is just tired of HIS game.

So how are you doing today? Anything exciting how is work going?

January 27, 2005
11:11 am
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ILSILS
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HI ACES,sound like ploy ploy ploy all around, i dont get it, why couldnt he just say hey, i miss you, i really want to talk or something, either way, its not fair for you, and if he did just want help then he's a rat to expect it from you, sounds like a perfect oportunity for him to learn how to read for himself no? glad your not playing into it, you have a much better game, a game of getting yourself into a better place. why do they have to be such rats? i had to deal with my rat last night, it was going well untill his buddy called and they started talking about starting a motorcycle repair shop. lets just say i can fortell where he is planning on spending most of his weekends, not withh his daughter or wife. duh dude, the motorcycles is why you have been layed up twice(yes i said twice) with a broken leg in a year. each time i nursed him back to health and believed his romises of a better life, and look where it got me. he's still bitter over my decision not to move back in with him, and i can tell he is going to use it against me whenever convienent. just like last night he sais " well what do you expect your moving with a friend not with me so im going to do what ever i want" but i know him, whenever he doesnt have anything better to do it will be right back to hey baby we are still working towards being togeather right?
grrrrrrrrr.........

January 27, 2005
11:15 am
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HOnestly, it sounds to me like he really needs to grow up and act like an adult with responsibilities. I mean you are there to take care of him whenever he fucks up so basically he can be a child whenever he wants, do what he wants, and knows that like "mom" you will pick up the pieces.

January 27, 2005
11:17 am
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ILSILS
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indeed indeed,thanks for the stong medicine today aces. you know i know its true. wish i could convince my heart i had enough. its like the damn energizer bunny, it keeps going and going....

January 27, 2005
11:43 am
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Sometimes, regardless of what your heart wants, you need to be stronger than that and have enough will power and control over YOU to not do something that is bad for you. I certainly am not saying to get a divorce but I definitley think you need to stand up for your self and not put up with his crap.

January 27, 2005
11:52 am
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CAMER
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ACES, he is just trying to lure you back into his life...stay put, don't call or email him....no contact is good contact!

January 27, 2005
11:54 am
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I did text him last night when he kept texting me I told him I didn't look at his email and what did he want, he never responded so I just went to sleep. I feel okay though, I mean I realized like what i said above, he is just a dick to not respect my wishes yet once again. I told him I needed him out of my life, and when he realized I was serious he didn't want that. I don't have time for that crap, and I am finally to the point where I enjoy going out again, and I don't sit around and mope and dump on myself. I do not want to lose that.

January 27, 2005
1:14 pm
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DTEE
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msguud...I understand the "game" of keeping something so there is an excuse to see someone again. I think its good that you got rid of everything. It will help you to move on. In relationships I don't think there is a real big difference between gambling problems, codepend, games, jealousy etc. It just seems that regardless of the issues it creates a 'Toxic" relationship. I think he doesn't call for the sames reason you don't. Niether of you are sure about the relationship and you both are afraid to be the first one to stick your neck out. Rejection sucks. I wish I handled it better. Getting to a place where you feel comfortable expressing yourself and being able to handle the reaction wether its possitive or negative is where I would like to be. My feeling is that if you want to someday have this relationship work for you. You both need space from each other. It is hard. I'm doing the same thing. We will all one day have the relationships we deserve. I just think we need to really take a look at our own responsibility in our ralationships and see where we fell short. We need to learn from that and not repeat them in our new relationships. I could be just rambling here. Hope it makes sense. Have a good day.........PEACE

January 27, 2005
3:59 pm
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msguud
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thanks DTEE. I have read and re-read what you wrote. You're so right in what you say. I am taking a look at what I did in the relationship. Damn, I wish the hurt would go away. I feel like such a loser that I'm hurting so bad. I can say the words that I'm trying, but in my heart I still want him, even though it's a losing proposition. Thanks for your kind words. I do appreciate them. Peace to you, too.

January 27, 2005
5:06 pm
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DTEE
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msguud - You would be a loser if you didn't hurt. Take some space for now....If you guys are meant to be together it will happen. The hurt will go away. Maybe at some point you will be able to have a great conversation with him around where you went wrong and he can do the same with you. If you can't have that conversation with the person you are in a relationship with then you should find on wthat you can.

January 27, 2005
5:47 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Aces,

Don't be ridiculous....you need to be clear with this guy:

"I do not want to hear from you in any way shape or form as long as I live."

Then block him from your email, telephone, etc.

Sheesh

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