Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
ds78....please help me! i'm so scared
September 15, 2005
6:22 pm
Avatar
depressionsucks78
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i know i can....i'm delaying going to hospital, but will go for sure.....enjoying the party 🙂

September 15, 2005
6:52 pm
Avatar
columbia
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh wow where was I when you had a meltdown? Wish I could have been here. I can tell you from experience that the hospital can help. Meds can help. Therapy can help. I carry pepper spray, am aware of my surroundings, try to be seated facing a door, caller ID , call blocking. Please let us know how you are doing.

September 15, 2005
8:41 pm
Avatar
Neshema
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

DS-

I am back from work. YOU ARE DOING GREAT! YOU ARE MAKING PROGRESS! You are following the plan. Look at all the info you got! You know you have every reason now to feel this way. It is completely normal. All you need some help to relax. You are not a danger to yourself or others. You just need to speak with your doctor. Give yourself some credit. You are thinking rationally enough to talk to the police, get the case nbr, find out info from the detective, etc. You just need to be able to relax and sleep. Neshie

September 15, 2005
8:47 pm
Avatar
Neshema
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

take all your nervous energy and measure your windows and get a friend to go with you to home depot or lowes and get wooden rods to put in the windows. Write down all the advice I gave you and keep it in the notebook so you can get your safety plan together. This will help tremendously with the anxiety. You can speak with your dr about any meds that also can help, but as you see how empowered you became by getting the case nbr, etc. you also will feel better by doing the standard safety plan. The police had me do this all within like 24 hrs. until I could get an alarms system put in...that took a few days.

September 16, 2005
3:15 am
Avatar
depressionsucks78
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

ok, it's 1 am here in colorado, and i'm seriously cracking.

i went to the ER as my dr. said. and they wanted to lock me up. i knew that was gonna happen. they said that they would let me think about going inpatient for a little while and i ran out of there. dumbasses didn't even have security at my door. probably cuz i'm not really suicidal.

i ran from the help i so desperately need. i hate myself so much now. i'm such a coward, and deserve every shred of fear i am feeling, every panic attack i get.

it's my fault, i know that. but i got scared. i was really scared in the hospital, too many doors, too many strangers. i was freaking out anyway.

all they were going to do is lock me up, i told them no, then they said they would give me a few minutes by myself to think about it. then i snuck out. it was so busy they didn't even notice.

i knew they would try to lock me up, i knew it.

all i did was ask for help. what did i do wrong? i know, i went to the er, i should NOT have done that, maybe they're gonna try to find me.

i told the doc how paranoid i am, how scared i am, how everything freaks me out.

damnit, i am rambling, i'm sorry. i messed everything up. i was supposed to be getting help, and i ran from it.

please don't be mad at me, i'm sorry.

~ds78

September 16, 2005
3:24 am
Avatar
Neshema
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

DS-

Are you a danger to yourself or others?

September 16, 2005
3:26 am
Avatar
depressionsucks78
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i don't think so

September 16, 2005
3:29 am
Avatar
depressionsucks78
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i don't want to kill myself, but i feel a TON of anger well up when someone strikes a nerve with me.

was out having coffee with a friend last night, and found myself thinking that i wanted to kill the waitress cuz she was so dumb...

i've never really had thoughts like that before, so maybe i am homicidal, i don't know.

September 16, 2005
3:32 am
Avatar
Neshema
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

DS-

when you say you want to "kill the waitress," are you serious or do you mean it like you are annoyed. Is it that you are frustrated or really a danger? You really need to decide if you are a danger to yourself or others. If you are just running on high anxiety, u need some anti-anxiety meds and maybe sleep drugs, which your dr, knowing you have PTSD, will give you tomorrow. IF you are a danger to yourself or others, you SHOULD go to the hospital. your jumpiness is typical of ptsd. Can you get a friend to stay with you for the night?

September 16, 2005
7:48 am
Avatar
depressionsucks78
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

for those who see this and start wondering...neshie and i had a chat on "thurs night crew" thread......

i am still battling a lot of demons, and can use all the encouragement anyone has to offer.

i'm so confused, and scared, and ashamed of myself.

~ds78

September 16, 2005
10:46 am
Avatar
July1209
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am sorry you had to go through such a traumatic thing. There is a book called "Fearless Living". It is written by a women who experienced a traumatic event also with guns. I find that getting well for me works best if I know how some else in my position did it.

As scary as it is right now, try to stay positive. If you can role-play with a friend it is probably best, and then just keep picturing your favorite flower or pleasant scene every time familiar things trigger your minds fight or flight response.

I try to visualize the worst-case scenario, but see myself come out of it ok, defend myself, or protect myself. Like role-playing to stay safe. If I were afraid I was being followed, I would change my route, drive or walk straight to a friend’s house or safe place, a dinner, the police station, or a women’s clothing store. See if they follow me anywhere I go. Get behind them and see where they are really going.

I learn that when something is dangerous is really happening I am not afraid, and I usually kind of know inside. It is only afterwards that I start to fear things as a result of worry. The senses pick up things like sounds, colors, smells, sights, and scenarios when a trauma occurs and trigger the fear response to warn you of POSSIBLE danger every time those smells, sights, sounds, and scenarios are around from then on. When you recognize these triggers they become less powerful. If you have Post Traumatic Stress disorder is this, but too severe.

Stay safe.

September 16, 2005
10:56 am
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

SEP:

I'm so sorry they made you feel like that. What now?

You need to not be alone. Anybody you can call? Can you call your family doc as Nesh mentioned? You truly do need some meds to level you out here. PTSD does not just go away.

September 16, 2005
3:21 pm
Avatar
Neshema
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

DS-

Checking in today. How are you? Nesh

September 16, 2005
3:22 pm
Avatar
gayle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hang in there DS!

September 16, 2005
6:39 pm
Avatar
Neshema
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

DS-

I am waiting to hear from you. Update me. I care. Nesh

September 16, 2005
9:13 pm
Avatar
depressionsucks78
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sorry guys, i just got out of bed and ready for work.

i am here, but not doing well at all.
i managed to stay in bed for 12 hours, but i only slept for about 8, total. better than i have gotten since the incident, but i'm still so tired.

i am feeling weak because of not eating, and my heart rate is up.

today is my monday at work, and i am SOO dreading going in. my brain hurts, and my body hurts. my physical health is declining, because of all this shit. my blood sugars are very high, and i am in a lot of pain as well.

i called my doc today, and she said i have to wait until monday to be seen, she just didn't have anything available. i pleaded with her to see me, but she couldn't. i don't know if i can make it through the weekend.

help me please?

i won't be here as much, since i'll be working, but i'll be here off and on. probably once in the AM and once in the PM, my time zone is MDT.

~ds78

September 16, 2005
9:49 pm
Avatar
Neshema
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

DS-

I am not liking your dr too much. Do you have an urgent care center, or walk in clinic (not hospital)? Do you otherwise have a good relationship with your dr? How do you feel about your dr? Has your dr been available to you in other times of need, such as when you have been sick? I, personally, want someone who is responsive to an outpatient situation, doesn't tell me to go to the ER, but responds in a timely manner when things are urgent but do not require hospitalization.

Then again, how good is your communication with your doctor? Did you talk directly with the doctor or a nurse? Were you able to rationally clarify what your needs were?

Hugs, Neshie

September 16, 2005
10:52 pm
Avatar
depressionsucks78
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

ok, i'm back for a few minutes before i go to work, just can't go in early tonight like i was going to.

neshie~ i have only seen this doc once so far. she is a new doc, and a military one at that. i have been trying to communicate with her, but have only been able to talk to a nurse. we do not have an urgent care facility for the military, there is one that i could go to, but not sure if the insurance would pay for it.

i have such an extensive history, physically and mentally, that it is VERY difficult to manage everything. i haven't had the opportunity yet to discuss it all with my new doc. i was hoping to do that last week, but then i got that nasty virus, and everything kind of fell apart.

neshie, i want you to know that i am thinking of you as well. my own problems are seeming endless, but knowing that i am not the only one suffering is helping a little. i hope that you are able to balance everything going on in your life without inflicting too much pain on yourself. it's hard, i know. just remember that, even though i am battling a lot of crap in my own life, i still care about you, and think of you, even if i don't say so! okay? i love you as a friend and confidante, and hope everything works out.

love and hugs

~ds78

September 16, 2005
11:40 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey all:

Just spoke to Jigs. She's goin to the hospital. Please give up prayers for her. She asked if I'd ask ya'll to pray for her.

Thanks.

September 17, 2005
12:53 am
Avatar
Neshema
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

DS-

You are so awesome. I think you are making progress. You did not have to tell me all that, but it sure felt good to read it. Thank you.

Now, you need to know that being there for another victim after what I went through is helpful to me. So, it is not at all draining. When I was afraid like you are, I wanted the world to stop and pay attention, but naturally, the world went on, regardless of my trauma. So, I made a commitment to stop and pay attention when someone is in a crisis. Someday, in your "aftermath phase," as I call it, you may realize that it is very healing to stop and pay attention to others, the way you needed it during your crisis. So, I am totally here for you, and it is no problem whatsoever. I will never forget the few key people who were there for me when I really needed someone to pay attention. Some of them were friends I know far away, who just emailed me back and forth, and a few people in person. Some people really disappointed me, who I always thought would be there in a crisis, and were not...and then there were a few people who came out of nowhere that I met during that time, and they have become some of my closest friends.

Anyway, i am glad to chat with you. I can't fix it. Only you can empower yourself by setting up your safety plan, getting a doctor you trust, getting all the info you need, and finding out who your most trusted friends and social support people are there...even if u just find one or two. Then, at some point, you have to decide to try to remember who you were before all this happened. That means forcing yourself to do the things that defined you, whether it is about work, or leisure activities, spiritual activities, whatever. You may be forever changed in some respects, but you have to remember who you were before this happened...you do that once you have your safety plan in place.

September 17, 2005
4:31 am
Avatar
Neshema
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

DS-

Wanted to tell u I am going to sleep now. I will check on your tomrw, but feel free to drop me a note here and let me know how you are doing. Will be thinking of you. Keep your cool. I think u are a lot stronger than you may realize. Anyway, I am so here for you...don't u forget that.

Hugs, Neshie p.s. After you left, I told bon bon some details of my own case on the nite crew, if you are curious...she was.

September 17, 2005
12:22 pm
Avatar
depressionsucks78
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thank you AGAIN, neshie!!!

last night at work was VERY challenging. almost got into it with my co-worker. she almost made me cry, but, i thought, there is enough other crap going on, i can NOT allow myself to stress over this. i have already lost 13 pounds in the week since the incident, and i'm not getting nearly enough sleep. just because she has her undies in a bundle, cuz she said "you just aren't much of a team player" to me, doesn't mean i have to let that stress me out too.

well, i tried, but it's bugging me! she told me about several situations in the last week, where i was supposedly, "doing my own thing", not helping the team. in the last week, i've been more stressed out, freaked out, and exhausted than i have EVER been before. i told 2 members of our management(salaried) what was going on, and they said we would have a meeting with all of us on sunday night. it just really pissed me off, because i work my ASS off at work, and my other 2 co-manager-type people are both mad at me.

i feel like i can't win. sorry i was rambling for a bit, but this is bugging me. not only am i trying to figure out my feelings after having a gun pulled on me, but now the other 2 people i work closely with are mad. i don't care if my cashiers get mad at me, i'm not there to be their friend. i'm their boss.

anyway, i'll shut up now.

love you all ~ds78

September 17, 2005
12:57 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

DS:

Sorry things are seeming to snowball. Get your sleep today as much as possible. Tonight when you have the meeting don't let them bully you. You stand up and tell them you work your buns off for them. Be strong and don't take any stuffins. 🙂

September 17, 2005
1:05 pm
Avatar
depressionsucks78
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thanks mamac...

i wish the meeting was tonight, but it's not til tomorrow night. just what i wanted, to get yelled at on my birthday. oh well.

anyway, i'm just pissed because i do work so hard, and NO ONE appreciates it.

neshie~ i think my boredom came from trying SO hard to NOT think about everything else. it has been all-consuming for the last week, and i had it in my mind that i was NOT going to think about it before going to work, and since i have thought about little else, i was bored...thank you for sharing more of your story! ((((neshie))))

i think, reading about everything here, that i am WAY more psycho than i ever thought before. i just have soo many issues, it's almost pathetic.

anyway, i have GOT to go to bed, it's 11 am here, and i need to try to get a few hours sleep.

love you guys

~ds78

September 17, 2005
7:05 pm
Avatar
Neshema
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

DS- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Also, I don't know if this will help, but I love my job and always have, but when I was going through my trauma, and even since, any little thing that seemed unacceptable - any sneaky, rude, obnoxious, dishonest, you name it, bad behavior on the part of others just seemed so bad. Stuff that didn't bother me before suddenly became very apparent and unacceptable, because I had lost my faith and trust in the basic goodness of people. So, this is part of the aftermath part you have to deal with. It took me a while to realize that, and I still remind myself, "hey, I am not bad, so not all people are bad." Not everyone means to be bad by their actions. Sometimes it just seems that way. Further, there is a continuum of "badness" vs evil. How much control you choose to give the people who are doing things you view are wrong, determines how much more harm you are going to experience. THis is where the idea of boundaries can help. You can be assertive, when it will help. You can walk away when you have no control. Firgure out what will cause you the least harm. You have had enough harm at this point. Engaging in an escalating argument with someone certainly will only cause you more harm. Don't engage! Keep telling yourself that and take deep breaths, and remember, you are seeing the dark side right now. I read in a spiritual book, one way to deal with your enemies (certainly not one with a weapon), but maybe one at work, is to treat them the in the opposite manner than you feel. They may not know how to react. They cannot help but react with kindness in return, and you will feel you have taken the high road. Of course, if you choose this strategy, you still must have boundaries and not be a doormat. Don't engage, don't set yourself up for anymore harm, and that includes the harm you do to yourself by letting something escalate with someone. Keep your cool. Oh, and don't expect the rest of the world to "get it." You are in the twilight zone now... you have to have your support system in place. Very few people get it unless they have been through it or are exceptionally compassionate for some reason.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
26
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110978
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714262
Newest Members:
brianwolfe, swright, nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information