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Dreamt about my ex and now having a very hard time
November 6, 2006
8:18 am
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loverbee
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Had a dream that we were still together. Now it hurts twenty thousand times more that we aren't. I wish I could make the pain stop.

November 6, 2006
8:44 am
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loverbee
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my sister was right. I am very up and down depending on the day.Since he is still living here, he woke up in the morning and noticed something was up cause I wasn't looking at him. Finally I just broke down and I cried for like 20 minutes. He held me and told me that he loved me but just needed some time to make sure and that maybe someday we would be back together, but after having so many doubts for so long he had to do something cause it wasn't fair to me. I just wish it would stop.

November 6, 2006
8:49 am
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loverbee
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please someone help.

November 6, 2006
11:36 am
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southgoingzax
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He shouldn't be in the same bed with you if he has so many doubts - how in the world are you supposed to start to get on with your life if he's still there? Anybody would break down in that situation! I'm so sorry you are suffering.

zax

November 6, 2006
11:53 am
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cyndra820
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LoverBee,

Why is he still living there, let alone sleeping in the same bed? If he isn't sure he needs to move out and give you the space and time you need to heal from this.

THIS IS NOT FAIR TO YOU!!

You need to take care of yourself. This torture is not healthy. He shouldn't be sleeping in the same bed as you at the very least.

Cyndra

November 6, 2006
12:09 pm
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taj64
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Gosh if you have broken up then you should be apart. Distance is important for you to heal. Even if you do love him and he loves you. You need the time for you. Not only do you ahve to heal but you have to adjust to things that you are really comfortable with. Get out of his bed and get on with your life since this is his decision. How can you heal properly with him there? You can still communicate with each other but really limit it. Break ups are darn hard but worse if you are physically living and sleeping with the person. It makes it harder and prolongs it. Please don't let yourself suffer this way.

November 6, 2006
12:14 pm
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loverbee
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Oh no no, he isn't sleeping in the same bed. He held me after I had woken up and he was in his office. He is still living here because he has to find a place to live and I want him to find a good place so he isn't tempted to spend all his time here. Its just hard.

November 6, 2006
12:22 pm
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cyndra820
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Loverbee,

Okay, let me get this straight. He wants to end things, but still gets to live there until he finds a "good place" to live? Since he wants out tell him get out and who cares if it's a "good place"!!! Is what he's doing to you by staying after declaring he wants to see what's out there "good" for you? Hell no!!!

You need the time and space to heal. He needs to go. Give him a time frame. Yes, it is fair to YOU, and that's the only person you need to be fair to in this situation.

Cyndra

November 6, 2006
12:34 pm
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camino
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Loverbee, my situation has some similarities in that we are living together but getting ready to separate. It is hard because we both get into this fantasy that everything is ok. Sharing the daily routine is misleading.
He is in a very conmfortable place now and you are reminded constantly that you are being rejected. He should have his own space. Your current situation is a no win for you and it deprives you from having a chance to move on.

November 6, 2006
12:37 pm
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loverbee
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You guys seem to think that this was a mad breakup. We are still friends and I think it is ok for him to take a few days to find an apt. It wasn't just him who wanted to end things I don't know how clear I could make that. I am not going to tell him "Hell no" because I want this too. We both have not been at ease in this relationship for a while and apparently no one gets that. NOt all breakups have to happen in an angry way and no one seems to understand that. I don't hate him and he doesn't hate me. I am not going to throw him out on the streets especially since, because I can't afford the rent he is still going to be paying rent here even after he moves out. This is some advice I won't take because there are things people just don't get. I just wanted to hear someone say it will be ok not jump down my throat because they think they know what this breakup is like and they don't. Oh well. Maybe no one can understand cause honestly I have never seen anything like this happen to anyone else.

November 6, 2006
1:00 pm
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lollipop3
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Loverbee,

Please try not to get defensive. The people here are doing their best to try to help you based on the information you have given.

It's okay to have your reasons and if someone doesn't understand your reasons you can explain that to them without getting upset. Does that make sense? Also, remember the saying "take what you like and leave the rest". Don't allow yourself to get upset about things said here. People are only trying to help.

I hope you know I am not trying to "lecture" you or anything like that. I just hate to see you getting upset here when you have so much other stuff to deal with.

As far as the breakup goes....I do understand how you are feeling. I had a similar situation here with my ex and I. Our relationship was perhaps a bit more "dysfunctional" than yours but we still care about each other a great deal and the fact that he lives downstairs made it a very unusual and at times very difficult situation.

I hope that the two of you can work through this whether you stay together or not.

Take care and good luck,
Lolli

November 6, 2006
1:12 pm
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loverbee
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Well, there is not question that I will stay friends. He is family and always will be. But it is sad and hard and I hope we still hang out a lot once we have had our space for a little while

November 6, 2006
1:18 pm
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cyndra820
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LoverBee,

I'm sorry if I upset you. I don't think the break up is acrimonious, but I was questioning the healthiness of sharing the same household when you are hurting. You have stated many times that you hurt and it is hard.

While I agree that you should take what you want and leave the rest, I am only going on information you have offered to up on this site.

You will be okay. You will heal. How you do it is up to you.

Regards,
Cyndra

November 6, 2006
1:24 pm
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loverbee
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It hurts in some ways because I wish it could have been different but it is cool being such great friends with him again and hanging out occasionaly with no regrets or doubts

November 6, 2006
1:25 pm
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southgoingzax
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I know it wasn't an angry break up - and you should be commended that you are handling this in such a mature way. BUT:

The point still stands that it is much harder on you to have him there - and he needs to get out in order for you to start to move on. I think you sound a little conflicted in your posts, that you still love him and hurt when you think about being without him but think this is the right thing to do...right? So, how well do you think you will do still trying to be friends when he no longer lives there? Honestly, I think you will need a little time (a month at least) to regain a sense of your independent self with no contact with him - otherwise it will be much harder to come to peace with the end of this romantic relationship. I honestly think you are asking too much of yourself to transition directly from a romantic relationship to a platonic one with no time to yourself to regroup.

All we are trying to do is help you feel less pain - believe me, people do understand what you are going through, you just need to slow down and figure out what you really need to do to get out of this painful place.

zax

November 6, 2006
1:37 pm
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atalose
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You sounds like you are in allot of pain over your relationship ending. Time heals all wombs, I know we wish to do just about anything to get that pain to stop, but we need to let it run its course. You sound so mature and strong in remaining friends and being able to hang out with him as he enters a new part of his life, it’s very mature. I think back to my breakups and for me it was too hurtful trying to remain friends, at least good friends where we would talk often. I wasn’t mature enough to hear about other woman coming into his life or vacations he was taking with someone else. I would be hurt hearing second hand how he was at “our” favorite restaurant with someone new. I seemed the hurt just wasn’t ending for me while I was remaining close to him.
I wish I could have been as mature and strong as you are right now.
Good luck,

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

November 6, 2006
1:44 pm
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loverbee
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I know it may be hard to be friends after he moves out but we have to try. I am going to see how I handle it but in the mean time, darn is it hard to find an apartment in the middle of the school year but he is trying really hard and all of the places he has looked at are not within walking distance of the campus so he can't take them. I am trying to help him find one too. Hopefully we can move this along quickly but I understand that it is hard to find a place.

November 6, 2006
2:28 pm
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taj64
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Angry and sad might be different feeling but both are really emotional feelings. It doesn't matter how you broke up, it is how you feel now and you seem really emotional. It is good to be supportive of your bf but he is your ex now and you have to draw the lines especially where your emotions are concerned. The fact that you are a little defensive lately leads me to believe you are only wanting to hear with agreemnts. Like Lolli said, that what you need and leave the rest but don't discount things either. Does it really help to have him around if you are broken up? Most of us would say that it is not but this is your life and if you are ok with it then far be it from anyone who disagrees. I think most of us here are only trying to help you. Your boyfriend (ex) sounds like a really great guy but don't be a martyer either. Take care of your sad needs too.

November 6, 2006
8:40 pm
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loverbee
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I am feeling a bit better now. Just needed to talk to people and get it out and also talk to my therapist and sister. My ex bf and I hung out and he told me that no matter what I would always be family and I was still the most important person to him. That felt good.

November 6, 2006
9:39 pm
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loverbee
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My sister is the best friend ever. She always knows what to say and how to help me while still busting my Sh** and telling it to me the way it is.

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