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Dreams that just won't leave me alone
May 10, 2006
8:39 pm
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gingerleigh
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I've posted before about my inability to let go of a relationship that was loving but so toxic because it was an affair. We were both married when we met, and he is still married, although I've since divorced. I've let it go in all practical ways... no more contact, ignored emails, IMs, phone calls, and Z has finally stopped contacting me. But the dreams at night won't leave me alone. Last night, I had a dream that was different from the others, in that rather than Z always being in the peripherals of my thoughts, he was actually there, in the flesh. We found ourselves in a small cabin, and he held me tightly, and I noticed that he had dyed his thick platinum white hair to black, a color it had not been since he was in his early twenties. This is something he would never do. He then kissed me passionately, and the sensation was so real, I remember thinking clearly in my dream "This is what I've been missing! The passion, the deep intensity, the LOVE, dammit!" And then I saw my boyfriend coming around to the door, pass by the window. I told Z that he had to leave quickly, because he wasn't supposed to be there, I hadn't asked him to be there. But in my heart I knew that I was about to be caught.

I guess this one's not so hard to interpret, is it? *sigh*

May 10, 2006
8:49 pm
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on my way
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hi ginger,
it is difficult to let go of old loves sometimes, almost like letteing go of a part of ourselves that loved them so much, spent so much time and energy there, etc. But when the relationship ends ALL of that energy takes a while to be re-directed, until someone new may come along that we love more, and is a better relationship. But old loves always hold a special place in our hearts. I know mine does.

May 10, 2006
10:55 pm
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Matteo
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My favorite play is titled “Two Theaters” and it talks about that: the two theaters where we are the actors. One is the objective reality, the “truth” we live, the rules and laws we obey, which is perceived by us and others alike. The second one is the one played in our minds, hearts and souls, our consciousness, and it is as real, valid and meaningful as the one played outside of "us".

One part talks about separated lovers, yes, no surprise here. He is married to someone else, they broke up, but just an open piano, scent of her perfume brings him back to her, to his love, to the past they had together and he is more present there than in his “real” life now, for moments or days at time…

Why the objective truth should be more important than our inner lives? Why do we tend to deny ourselves such important part of ourselves as our inner reality? Isn’t that contradictory and hypocritical then that the betrayal of mind, emotional betrayal is perceived as no less hurtful as physical affair?

No letters, phone calls, no e-mails, absolutely no contact – but he is still in your dreams? I can relate so well to this. Rest assured, that he is in your dreams more often than you can remember it; he actually is still with you, for long periods of time...He visited you...enjoy it. Who knows, maybe they are dreaming about us at the same time we are dreaming about them?

May 10, 2006
11:58 pm
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nopityparty
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I have the same problem. One is over a man I obsessed over and never saw, so it makes sense that since we are just friends now I dream about him. It don't agree about the inner life thing because if I did, then I'd start obsessing about my current bf's sexual inner life and I'd go nuts. I call it harmless and enjoy the moment in the dream.

I call it a problem because these dreams can be convincing and stay with you sometimes. There is medical evidence for women that this has to do with cycles and the level of melatonin is too high in the morning for you. Try opening your shades if the dreams become nightmares and the nightmares convince you of truths that aren't real.

May 11, 2006
1:00 am
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gingerleigh ~

Just caught this thread ~ because I had the same type of experience with dreams in a post-break-up situation (aka the most painful loss of love ever!) I found it utterly exhausting and used to wake bereft and traumatised, longing for my ex.
It's been over two years now, and I have for the most part managed to move on with my life, but he's still there...

Matteo ~

Your post is amazing! If I had read that last couple of sentences, a year ago, I would be lying in a heap on the floor!

"Rest assured, that he is in your dreams more often than you can remember it; he actually is still with you, for long periods of time...He visited you...enjoy it. Who knows, maybe they are dreaming about us at the same time we are dreaming about them?"

It's a beautiful perspective - and even now, just the musing over it...it has healed my deeper wounds...thank you...

~love charlie~X

May 12, 2006
10:05 pm
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Matteo
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charlie,

Thank you. "(aka the most painful loss of love ever!)" I can relate to that too, crying in my dreams or waking up with tears on my face...So I am happy when I have a nice dream with him and remember it...that's all what I have.

May 16, 2006
4:47 pm
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gingerleigh
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I was away on vacation this past week, and I had dreams about him every night. I guess that it didn't help that I was on vacation back to an area of the world that brings me memories of him. I arrived back home last night, and Z had left me a voicemail at my work number, just saying that things were going well, and that he loved me and wanted me to stay healthy and well.

It's just all so sad.

May 16, 2006
7:53 pm
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Matteo
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(((( gingerleigh ))))

Well, I believe -- here it is - your answer, why did you have all those dreams about him...or why did he call you...

Trust me,I know how sad it is.

Take care.

May 17, 2006
1:17 pm
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gingerleigh
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Thanks Matteo. I really appreciate the sympathy. I hope that all of this subsides someday.

Just the sound of his voice on my voicemail made my insides vibrate. And I couldn't help but smile, just the way he sounded.

May 17, 2006
1:55 pm
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Matteo
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I know what you mean, I know it so well, I can relate to it so much. Just hearing his voice and knowing that he is fine makes me happy.

Take care, gingerleigh.

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