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Drastic measure...but the only way I can get closure...
November 17, 2005
10:07 am
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chickyfighter
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September 24, 2010
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Rev, so sorry about what your sister has said to you, she is sick.
Maybe we come from the same family? (they sound like my family)

Honey, I can feel your pain, just focus on you, and stay away from those negative people even if they are family.

You sister is a mess, I feel sorry for her, although her words will stay in your heart for a long time, the oly way you give those words power is by believing what she said about you.

You are bigger than any weapon formed against you!

You are strong in God!
Remember that and keep your head up!

November 17, 2005
11:01 am
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revelation
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I know....I know this...I know how codpendent this is.

Its very difficult to overcome....yes, my friends here in Dublin are all telling me the same thing....look after you....what I have done is tried to manipulate again. The results I want are for him to acknowledge the truth...I know, I know I've been so stupid. Now I am in a bind. I keep on making these stupid mistakes...I tell the truth and am honest...I get nowhere, I lie and tell him what he wants to hear...I get nowhere.

I do feel better that at least now he's not feeling guilty, a part of me is trying to fool myself into believing that at least if he thinks I'm a big fat liar and is ignoring me, then thats better than him thinking I had a miscarriage and am in pain and is ignoring me.

At least now in my head, he is ignoring me for a good reason.

...that sounds really messed up right?

Why do I keep on getting myself into these situations....no matter which way I turn I mess up.

I messed up this relationship in the first place because I just could not get over the first miscarriage...why couldn't I be like normal women and just say "ok, that happened, now I'll just get on with my life" why did I dwell on it...why did I get so depressed over it...I know that if I had not got depressed he wouldn't have left.

I know its useless to try to blame...but why did I have these two miscarriages...why did that have to happen to me? yeh...now I am whining, sometimes I really really hate myself for having these miscarriages, I never believed that could happen to me, it has and it feels so so unfair. I know there are people out there who have gone through much worse. but why did it have to happen to me so early in the relationship (a little less than 2 years)

I really honestly sometimes believe that I am going crazy.

Look, the first miscarriage was pretty traumatic y'know...I dunno if there is a typical scenario when someone has a miscarriage, but I think my experience was fairly horrific, the 2nd one was more run of the mill, I was in a hospital, I didn't see much, the nurses and doctors sorted it all out y'know? I think if I had had a normal experience in the first one I would have been able to get over it better, I'm going to write a thread in lib-brew....I've never actually ever recounted the full story of both miscarriages to anyone...I need to vent, I need to get it out.

November 17, 2005
6:22 pm
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chickyfighter
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Rev do what you need to do to let it out, for me my drug to heal other than going to church is working out hard, and it helps although it only is temporary, I'll be praying for you Hon, and I think it's a great idea to Post on Lib.
Take care and love yourself tonight!
((((HUGS))))

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